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------- Original Message ------- On Saturday, October 8th, 2022 at 6:54 PM, Undiscussed Groomed for Male Slavery, One Victim of Many <[email protected]> wrote: > Chapter 10–Unlocking Mind Control > > Wherever I go—to the supermarket, to the gym, on an airplane—I > meet people who are involved with destructive cults. My heart goes out > to them, because I was once in a similar trap. With all the cult > members I meet, I try to remember that they are enslaved. They are > also somebody’s son or daughter, sister or brother. Whenever I meet > people like these, I feel extremely grateful that I am free. I was one > of the lucky ones who had the opportunity to be counseled out. Since > people helped me, I try to share my good fortune. > > In these fleeting personal encounters, I know that I will have > only a few minutes, but I try to say or do something to help. Usually > I never hear from the person again, but occasionally I find out that > our brief meeting had some long-term impact. > > Back in 1980, I started to deliberately go out of my way to > conduct impromptu mini-interventions that are really mini-therapeutic > interactions. I was eager to research and practice non-coercive > approaches to helping free someone. I looked at every cult member I > met as an opportunity to hone my skills. > > These encounters taught me more effective ways of communicating > with cult members—methods that serve as keys to unlocking cult mind > control. This chapter offers a summary of those keys, with some > examples of how I use them—and how you can use them as well. > > Briefly, these are the three most basic keys to helping a cult member: > > Key #1: Build rapport and trust. > > Key #2: Use goal-oriented communication. > > Key #3: Develop models of identity. > > This chapter offers two examples of rescue efforts I have > conducted, as well as a mini-rescue that was conducted on me when I > was still a cult member. These examples will help to demonstrate the > importance of the first three keys, and how they can be effectively > employed. In the remainder of this chapter, I’ll discuss the other > five keys, which enable a rescue effort to be carried through to a > successful conclusion: > > Key #4: Access the pre-cult (authentic) identity. > > Key #5: Help the cult member to look at reality from many > different perspectives. > > Key #6: Sidestep the thought-stopping process by giving > information in an indirect way. > > Key #7: Help them visualize a happy future outside the cult. > > Key #8: Offer the cult member concrete definitions of mind control > and specific characteristics of a destructive cult. > > > Key #1: Build Rapport And Trust > > I have already emphasized the importance of building rapport; > several techniques for building non-verbal rapport can help. The first > is to simply mirror the body language of the person with whom I am > speaking. I also use a non-threatening/friendly tone of voice and line > of questioning and try to avoid judgmental statements. Like riding a > bicycle or learning a foreign language, rapport building is a skill > that anyone can learn and develop. > > > Key #2: Use Goal-Oriented Communication > > Practiced mainly in the business world, goal-oriented > communication represents the best way to influence people in a > deliberate way. This is drastically different from the approach people > typically use when interacting with family members or friends. When we > are intimate with people we usually say whatever we think or feel, > because we are being “ourselves.” We don’t have an agenda to influence > others. > > In the business world, most people have to think through their > goals and determine how best to accomplish them. Business leaders > understand that they often have to establish a step-by-step plan to > make their dreams a reality. > > In helping someone break free from a destructive cult, it can be > just as helpful to clarify your goal and then determine how best to > accomplish it. > > Your overall goal, of course, is to help the person you care about > to begin thinking for themselves (hopefully, to help them leave a > cult.) To accomplish this, you need to use communication to find out > just who it is you’re trying to influence. This means getting to know > and understand your loved one’s new mind controlled personality. It > also means learning more about the real person underneath, if > possible. Next, you need to use communication to build trust and > rapport. Finally, you need to use communication to help the cult > member begin to question, investigate and think for themselves. > > > Key #3: Develop Models Of Identity > > By gathering information, family members and friends can > thoroughly research the cult member they hope to influence. In order > to be most effective, three models, or mindsets, will need to be > constructed. > > The first model is who the person was before they joined—how > they thought about themselves, the world, their relationships, their > strengths and their weaknesses. This is the way they viewed all these > aspects of their life. This information is best gathered from what > they have written or have said to friends and relatives. > > The second model is that of a typical cult member of that group. > Any former member can provide a useful generic model of how members of > the cult view reality. Former members can serve as coaches and teach > you how to think like a cult member. Ideally, people can role-play > what it feels like to be a cult member. Just as the actor rehearses > their lines in character, what is important here is the > characterization, even though the lines are impromptu. Different > family members can take turns interacting with the “cult member” as > well as “being” the cult member. The more they are able to role-play > and practice, the better they will understand how the cult member > thinks. > > The third model is that of the specific person in the cult, as > they are now. By contrasting this with the models of the generic cult > member and the person’s real self, you can get a good idea when the > person is being cultish, and when they are being their real self. > Remember, though, that in every cult member, there is a war between > their cult identity and their real identity. At any time, you may > actually see the person switch back and forth. > > Many cult members try to fight off their cult identities whenever > they can. For example, in one cult, members were vegetarians and did > not use drugs or alcohol. Yet I met several members from that group > who told me they used to sneak off the communal property and drive 35 > miles so they could have a hamburger and a beer. If you have a good > rapport with someone in a cult, you might discover and be able to make > constructive use of this type of information. > > When I am brought in to help with a rescue effort, I want to have > as complete a sense of all three mindsets as possible before I meet > with the cult member. Then, when I am with the person, I refine all > three models by asking specific questions. Within three days, I am > able to develop a sophisticated set of maps. > > Like an actor, I am able to step into a role and imagine myself as > the person I am counseling. I immerse myself in their reality. > Throughout the counseling process, I switch back and forth among the > mindsets. I test out the model of who the person is now—i.e., their > cult personality—by anticipating how they will respond by having an > imaginary conversation with them in my head. Then I ask the actual > person the same question and note how accurately I was able to predict > their response. As the interaction continues, I am able to refine this > model more and more. > > The faster I am able to create an accurate model of the person’s > cult personality, the faster I can “become” them. Once I become them, > I can then figure out what needs to be said or done to help them > regain control over their life. > > Ultimately, it is the person’s real identity that shows me how to > unlock the doors. They tell me what keys are necessary to use, where > to find them, and in what order to use them. This process of discovery > can be demonstrated in the following interaction with a young member > of a cult that stresses meditation, under the leadership of a man > named Guru MaharajJi,[ibid] aka Prem Rawat. > > > A Sample Rescue Effort: Gary and the Divine Light Mission[170] > > A young man and I were both waiting for the bus. I noticed some > brochures he was carrying. > > “I’m curious,” I said. “How long have you been involved with > Divine Light Mission?” > > “For about seven years,” he answered. His eyes moved up slowly > until they focused on mine. > > “That’s a long time,” I said. “How old were you when you first got > involved?” I tried to sound innocent, as though I were an old friend. > > “I was 20.” > > “Hi.” I said, giving my name, and holding out my hand to shake > his. “I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. What’s your name?” > > “My name is Gary,” he said, somewhat bewildered. He looked as > though he didn’t know what to make of me. > > “Gary, I’m just curious: what were you doing at that time in your life?” > > “Why do you want to know?” he asked with a look of puzzlement. > > “I love to talk to people who have made unorthodox choices in > their life. I like trying to figure out why people do what they do,” I > shrugged my shoulders a bit. > > “Oh. Well, back then I was working for a construction company, > putting up buildings.” > > “Anything else?” I asked. > > “Yeah, well, I liked to hang out with my friends. I was also into > animals. I had two dogs, a cat, some tropical fish and a rabbit.” A > warm smile lit up his face as he recalled his friends and his pets. > > “You certainly were into animals. Was any one your favorite?” I asked. > > “Well, my dog Inferno was pretty special. He and I used to be best buddies.” > > “What made him so special?” I asked. > > “He had an independent spirit. He loved adventure. He loved to go > with me into the woods.” It was obvious to me that he missed his dog a > great deal. I shared that I grew up with dogs and love them too. This > increased rapport. > > “So, you love an independent spirit. Do you admire anyone who > stands up and does what they feel is right no matter what others say?” > I was trying my best to empower Gary by reminding him of the qualities > he used to admire. > > “That’s right. Inferno did what he wanted to do. And I loved him > for that, too.” Gary’s tone was somewhat defensive and self-righteous. > > “So, Gary, tell me—what was it that made you decide that the > Divine Light Mission was the group you wanted to spend your life in?” > > “I never thought of it that way,” he said, his face growing sullen. > > “Well then, what was it that got you involved?” I asked in an upbeat voice. > > “At the time, my girlfriend Carol started going to satsang—you > know, group meetings—and I went along. We listened to the people all > talk so glowingly about their experience of Knowledge, and how high > it made them feel.” > > I continued to probe. “Did you decide to get initiated first, or did Carol?” > > “She did. At first I thought the whole thing was a bit strange. > But after she started meditating, I got curious and decided to do it, > too.” > > “What year was this?” I asked. > > “1973.” > > “And at the time, what did you think of Guru Maharaj Ji?” > > “I thought he was this young dude from India who was going to > usher in an age of world peace,” he said, with a touch of sarcasm. > > “Were you at that big meeting at the Houston Astrodome?” I asked. > > “Yes,” he answered. > > “And what ever became of Carol?” > > “I don’t know,” Gary said, his face darkening again. “We sort of > broke up a few months after we got involved with the group.” > > “When was the last time you spoke to her?” I asked. > > “About four years ago she wrote me that she had decided to go back > to school and wasn’t going to practice Knowledge anymore.” > > “Why did she say that she wasn’t going to be part of the group anymore?” > > “I don’t remember,” he said, staring at the pavement. > > “So the person who got you involved left the group four years > ago?” I repeated. > > “Uh huh.” > > “And you have never really sat down with her to find out why she > left, after belonging to the group for three years?” > > “Why are you looking at me like that?” Gary said, looking up at me. > > I smiled, looked down, then looked him right in the eye. “Well, I > don’t understand, Gary. If my ex-girlfriend left the group that she > introduced me to, I would certainly want to sit down with her and find > out everything I could from her. She must have had some really good > reasons why she left after three years. And she obviously cared enough > about you to contact you and let you know her decision.” > > I paused. Gary stood there, silent. I waited some more. Then I > continued, “I suppose there’s no way for you to get in touch with her > anymore.” > > “Actually, her parents probably live at the same address. I’m sure > I could find it.” > > My bus pulled up to the stop. “Might be a good idea. Well, I wish > you good luck, Gary. It was really good talking to you. Thanks.” > > He waved to me as my bus pulled away. > > The preceding conversation demonstrates just how much can be done > to help someone in a mind control cult in only a few minutes. During > that time I was able to quickly establish rapport, collect very > valuable information about Gary, and use what I learned to help him > take a very important step away from his cult group. > > If I had used a threatening or condescending tone, I would never > have gotten anywhere with Gary. However, because I used a curious, > interested tone, Gary was happy to kill some time and chat with a > friendly stranger. > > Once I found out how long Gary had been involved, l was able to > quickly determine that he wasn’t enthusiastic about the cult. It was > relatively easy for me to get Gary to reminisce about his pre-cult > life. When he remembered what he had done before, he was able to > reaccess his real identity and get in touch with how he thought, felt > and acted before being indoctrinated. He not only remembered his > favorite dog, but also talked about how he used to value an > independent and adventurous spirit. This was a valuable resource—one > he would need to help him walk away from a seven-year commitment to > Guru Maharaj Ji. > > Gary also remembered what he had first thought of the group before > becoming involved. He stepped back in time and looked at the group > with his pre-cult eyes, thinking that it was a bit weird. Back then he > certainly never intended to join the group for life. > > An important strategy for reality testing is to go back in time > and ask, “If you had known then what you know now, would you have made > the same decision?” For Gary, apparently the answer would have been > no. > > Then, as I was fishing for more information, Gary stunned me by > telling me that Carol, who initially recruited him, had left the > group. Since everyone under mind control has been made to be phobic > about leaving the group, it didn’t surprise me that Gary didn’t know > why she had left. Four years earlier, he was probably not able to > consider talking with her. However, it was clear to me that Gary was > still curious as to why Carol left the group. He was now at a point in > his life where he was more open to this possibility. I gave him a > nudge to go talk to Carol. > > > My Own Experience of a Mini-interaction > > When I first got out of the Moonies, I searched my memory for > times when I had questions or doubts about the organization. I > remembered several times when I was momentarily thinking outside the > Moonie framework. Even though these experiences weren’t enough to get > me to leave, they proved significant when I was being deprogrammed. > > One experience involved a caring person I met by chance. During my > first year as a cult member, I was fundraising on a steamy summer day > in Manhattan. I approached a man who must have been in his sixties, > and asked if he wanted to buy some flowers. > > “What are you selling flowers for, young man?” he asked with a warm smile. > > “For Christian youth programs,” I answered, hoping I could sell > him a dozen carnations. > > “My, my, you look very hot,” he said. > > “Yes, sir. But this cause is very important, so I don’t mind.” > > “How would you feel if I took you inside this coffee shop and > bought you something cold to drink?” he asked. > > I thought, This guy is nice, but he has to buy some flowers; > otherwise he won’t have a connection to Father. Then I remembered > Jesus saying that anyone who gives water to a thirsty person is doing > the will of God. > > “Just for five minutes,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “It > will refresh you, so you’ll be able to sell even more flowers.” > > “Okay. Thank you very much.” > > We walked into the air-conditioned shop. It felt so good to be out > of the sun. > > When we sat down at a table, he said, “So, tell me a little about yourself.” > > “Well, I grew up in an ethnically religious family in Queens.” > > “Oh, so you’re ethnically religious,” he said with a warm smile. “Me, too,” > > I thought that perhaps God had sent this person for me to “witness > to” (a term we used for recruit). We had been instructed that while > fundraising, we should never spend more than a couple of minutes with > any one person. But since my main job was recruiting, and I had been > sent out on Saturday to fundraise, maybe it was okay to spend a few > extra minutes with him. > > In the end, I must have spent at least half an hour with him. He > got me to do most of the talking. During that time I became incredibly > homesick—not only for my family and friends, but for playing > basketball, writing poetry and reading books. > > Before I left, he insisted that I call home and walked me to the > phone. He put in the dime himself. I remember feeling that this man > reminded me of my grandfather, someone I loved dearly. I didn’t have > the willpower to refuse. Besides, it would look bad for the group if I > refused to talk to my parents. > > I spoke with my mom for a few minutes. After that, I felt that I > had to pry myself away from this man. My cult identity was strongly > exerting itself. I started to feel guilty that I hadn’t been out > raising money and allowing people to “pay indemnity” and connect > themselves to the Messiah. > > But I was “spaced out” and couldn’t sell for the rest of the day. > > Eventually, a Moonie leader told me that I had created a “bad > condition” by going inside for a cold drink; that Satan had tempted > me; and that I had failed. He told me that, in my weakness, I had > crucified Jesus on the cross one more time. That evening I prayed and > repented and tried to quash any memory of what had happened. I never > thought of that experience again, until after I was deprogrammed. > > Now, let’s take a look at another full-scale intervention, this > time with a Krishna devotee. > > > Phil and the Hare Krishnas/ Iskcon[171] > > Although most Americans don’t realize it, the Hare Krishna sect, > also known as ISKCON or the International Society for Krishna > Consciousness, is still very much around even though its founder > passed away in 1977. > > Below is an account of my efforts with Phil, who had been a member > of the Hare Krishna sect for over three years. Phil had become > involved with the group about six months after his twin brother, Tom, > was killed in an automobile accident while walking to a neighborhood > store. The death hit his family hard, and sent Phil into a severe > depression. He seriously contemplated suicide. He received medication > and therapy, but nothing seemed to help him. Then one day, while > walking downtown, he was approached by a Krishna. Not long afterward, > he became a member. > > I met Phil during one of his infrequent visits to his family, and > was introduced as a family counselor who had been working with his > parents and his two sisters for many months. I told Phil that I felt I > needed to speak with him alone, before I could do any sessions with > him and the whole family. I told him that in my view he was a very > significant member of the family, and that his participation was badly > needed. > > After introducing myself to him, I suggested we go outside for a > walk, so that we could get acquainted. He was dressed in full Krishna > clothes, including sandals. I spent the first few minutes explaining > my background as a counselor who specialized in communication > strategies and family dynamics, and who was committed to helping > people grow and enjoy better relationships with their loved ones. He > told me that he now went by the name Gorivinda. > > “So, Gorivinda—Phil (it is best to use the pre-cult name)—would > you mind telling me about how you feel toward your family now?” I kept > my hands in my pockets and my eyes directed toward the pavement. > > “I don’t know,” he responded, shrugging his shoulders slightly. > > “Well, are you happy with your present relationship with your > mother? Your father? Your siblings?” > > He answered, “Things have gotten a lot better since they stopped > criticizing my religious commitment.” > > “How do you feel when you come home for a visit?” I asked, as > gently as possible. > > “To be honest, it’s a bit strange,” he said. > > I was glad at his response. “What do you mean?” I probed for more > information. > > “Well, it’s like coming to another world. It’s so different from > devotional life at the temple.” > > “Are there any good feelings you feel when you come home?” > > “Yes,” he said warmly. “I love my parents and my sisters and > brother very much.” Then he caught himself and added, “But they’re > living in the material world.” > > “I see,” I said, a bit disheartened that he had caught himself and > injected the cult perspective. “Would you mind telling me about your > twin brother and what his death meant to you?” I was hoping to steer > him back into his pre-cult identity. > > “Why?” he asked suspiciously. > > “Because, as a mental health professional, I believe that your > whole family is still suffering from that tragedy,” I commented, > hoping he would accept my sincerity. > > When I said that, Phil started to cry and choke up. I was struck > by the power of his feelings. Then he stopped walking, put his hands > together, and started rocking back and forth. He was chanting to shut > himself down. Thought-stopping. After a few minutes he was recomposed. > > “Tom and I were very close,” he said, already beginning to lose > control of himself again. > > “Tell me about him when he was alive. What was he like? What did > he like to do?” > > Phil’s face started to shine as be reminisced about his brother. > “Tom was bright, energetic, had a great sense of humor. He was the > more aggressive of the two of us. He helped motivate me to do things, > all of the time.” > > “Tell me, Phil, what do you think he would be doing today if he > hadn’t had the car accident?” I was hoping to get Phil to think again > about the kind of life Tom would have had > > “That’s a hard one,” Phil answered. > > “Do you think he would have joined the Krishnas?” I asked with a smile. > > “No, never,” Phil said definitively. “Tom was never into religion > much at all, although he was very spiritual.” > > “So what do you think he would be doing?” I repeated. > > “He always said that he wanted to go into the media—to work in > television. He wanted to be an anchorman for the six o’clock news.” > > “So he liked news. Did he like investigative journalism?” I knew > that if he said yes, I would have another angle to work with later. > > “That was his favorite!” he said. > > Bingo. I decided to explore another angle first, though. I asked, > “Back then, what did you see yourself doing?” > > “Back then? I wanted to become a musician,” he said with enthusiasm. > > “That’s right,” I said. “Your sister mentioned to me that you used > to play electric guitar. You used to write songs, too.” > > “Yeah.” I felt that Phil was making some of the important > connections I was hoping he would make. > > “So, did you want to have your own band and make records—the whole > bit?” I wanted Phil to remember as much detail as he could. > > “Sure. I loved music so much. I remember singing my songs with > Tom. He would help me with the lyrics sometimes, too,” he said with > considerable pride. > > “So you could imagine being a successful musician, living a happy > and spiritually fulfilled life?” I asked, nodding my head. I wanted > him to create as powerful a mental image as he could. > > “You bet!” Phil said, his eyes defocused. He was obviously > enjoying what he was imagining. > > “Can you imagine how good it feels to be up on stage, singing your > songs, touching people with your creativity, making them happy?” I > asked. I wanted Phil to get in touch with how good he would feel as a > musician. > > “Yes! It’s a wonderful feeling,” he said. > > “Great. Just imagine enjoying your music, and perhaps see your > friends there, too. They must admire and respect your talent a great > deal. Perhaps you are even happily married, maybe have kids.” I knew > that I was taking a risk, but he seemed to enjoy adding the wife and > kids to his fantasy. I waited a few minutes in silence until Phil > returned from his pleasant imaginary voyage. > > “Now I have another question.” I paused for a deep breath. “What > do you think Tom would say now if he saw you in the Hare Krishnas?” > > I have to admit I was caught off guard, when Phil burst into > intense sobbing, which continued for a full five minutes. By this time > we were sitting together in a quiet park. Phil clutched his chest and > rocked back and forth. The loud crying seemed to echo from deep > within. I debated with myself whether or not to put my arm around Phil > and console him; I decided not to interrupt. Eventually, he stopped > and collected himself once more. I looked compassionately at Phil and > decided to try the question again. > > “Really, what would you tell Tom?” I asked. > > Phil wiped his eyes and stated quite categorically. “I don’t want > to talk about it anymore, okay?” > > I nodded and remained silent for a while. I decided to let him > think about the question some more, hoping he would answer it within > himself. I suggested we get up and walk some more. I wanted him to > shift his frame of mind. > > “There are a few more things I would like to discuss with you > before we go back to the house.” I started up again. “If you could put > yourself in your parents’ shoes, how would you feel to lose a son?” > > “What?” he asked looking up at me. > > “Imagine being your mother,” I said. “She carried Tom and you, > gave birth to both of you, nursed, diapered, washed both of you. Cared > for you when you were sick. Played with you, taught you, watched you > grow to adulthood. Can you feel what it must have been like for her to > lose Tom?” > > “Yes. It was horrible,” he said. He was, indeed, talking as though > he was his mother. > > “And your father. Can you stop and think about what it was like > for him?” I added. > > Phil said. “Dad was always the closest to Tom. It hit him real hard.’’ > > “Yes,” I said. “Now can you imagine what it felt like to watch > your other son become suicidally depressed and then a few months later > change his name, shave his head, and move in with a controversial > group?” > > “It would be horrible,” he repeated. “I would feel angry. I would > feel like I lost two sons.” > > “That’s exactly how they told me they felt,” I said. “Can you see > that now? That is why they were so critical of the group when you got > involved.” > > I paused and let him think for a few more moments before I went > on. “I’m curious to know what was going on in your mind when you first > met the member of the group. What was it that caught your attention > and attracted you to learn more?” I asked. > > Phil looked up at the sky for a moment, looked down at the ground, > took a deep sigh, and said, “Well, when he asked me why I looked so > depressed, I told him about Tom’s death. I told him that I just > couldn’t understand why it would happen to such a wonderful person. It > just didn’t seem right. He began to explain the laws of karma to me > and how this material world is just illusion anyway, and how I should > be happy that Tom left his material consciousness, so that he could > come back as a more highly evolved being in his next life.” > > “I see—so the devotee helped you understand what had happened to > Tom in a way that took away your fear and confusion,” I said. > > “And guilt,” he added. > > “And guilt?” I probed. > > “Yes, you see, I had asked Tom to go to the store that day to buy > me another guitar string. He was on his way there when he was killed,” > Phil said. > > “So you blamed yourself for his death because you figured that if > you hadn’t asked him to go to the store, he never would have been in > the accident?” I asked. > > “I guess so,” Phil said, sadly. > > It occurred to me that I had better try to offer Phil some other > perspectives on the incident. I began by saying; “If Tom had been > killed in a swimming accident, at the far end of the lake, would you > have blamed yourself for not staying closer to him?” > > He thought for a moment. “Maybe.” > > “Can you imagine any way Tom could have died that wouldn’t have > been your fault?” I asked. > > He paused again before answering. “I guess not. But the fact > remains that he was going to the store for me.” > > “Is it possible that he also had some other things to buy, or some > other errands to run? Is it possible that he decided to take a > different route to the store than he ordinarily took, and that was > where the accident occurred?” I asked. > > Phil seemed nonplussed. > > “How would Tom feel, now, if it had been you who had gone to the > store one day and were killed in a car accident?” I asked. “Would he > get depressed, think about committing suicide, and then join the Hare > Krishnas?” > > Phil laughed. > > I knew this was a bull’s-eye. Within a few minutes it was Phil who > started asking me questions. > > “How do you feel about the Krishnas, Steve?” Phil asked. > > I thought he was genuinely trying to test his “reality,” not just > trying to find fault with me and write me off. > > “Boy. That’s a tough one,” I said, scratching my head. > > He then said, “I want to know.” > > “My role as a professional, Phil, is to do counseling and not to > make value judgments on what people do with their lives. I do have > personal feelings though,” I said. > > “I want to know what you think personally,” said Phil, quietly. > > “Well, to be honest, I am very concerned. You see, fourteen years > ago I myself joined a religious group that my family disapproved of. I > too had been depressed before I met the members and wasn’t completely > sure what I wanted to do with my life. Back then, I thought that they > were trying to interfere with my rights as an adult to choose what I > wanted to do.” > > “What group?” Phil asked, with curiosity. > > I decided to give the formal name first. “The Holy Spirit > Association for the Unification of World Christianity. It is also > known as the Unification Church,” I said. “Anyway, I was a devoted > member of the group for more than two years. I slept three hours a > night, and even did several seven-day fasts, drinking just water.” > > “That’s a long fast,” Phil said admiringly. I could tell that he > was listening to every word I said. > > “Yeah. I lost an average of fifteen pounds at the end of the week. > Anyway, in my group we revered the leader as one of the greatest > spiritual masters who has ever lived. In fact, we believed that he had > met with Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Krishna and every other great > spiritual leader.”[172] > > “You believed that?” He was amazed. > > “Yes. We believed in a spirit world. In fact, we believed that > whenever someone died, like Tom, it was to pay indemnity for some past > sin in the person’s lineage. In this way, another member of the family > could join the group, serve the man we revered as the living Messiah, > and then later intervene to save the person who had passed on to the > spirit world. In this way, God could not only restore the whole world > back to its original state of goodness, but restore all of the > spiritual beings in the spirit world who were unable to advance > without earthly ‘vitality elements’ provided by those on earth.” > > Phil’s jaw hung open a bit. He asked, “You really believed that?” > > “At the time, absolutely,” I said. “You see, in the Church, > members were not allowed to ask critical questions of anything the > leader said or did. We were taught to believe that anything that > challenged the leader or the group’s beliefs was ‘negative’ and was > caused by evil spirits. We were taught to do thought-stopping to shut > down our minds. In my group we did this by praying intensely as well > as chanting whenever we started to doubt, or whenever we felt > homesick.”[173] “What was the name of the group again?” he asked. > > “The Unification Church,” I said. “You probably know it as the Moonies.” > > “You were in the Moonies? No—I don’t believe it!” Phil exclaimed. > > “It’s true. In fact, I was a devoted follower of Sun Myung Moon. I > would have gladly died on command, if he had told me to,” I replied. > > “That’s incredible!” Phil said. > > “Not only that, but we were literally made to feel that if we ever > left the group our lives would fall to pieces,” I continued. “We were > told that we would be betraying God, the Messiah, ten generations of > our ancestors—the whole world, in fact—if we ever left. We were told > that all of our relatives now in the spirit world would accuse us > throughout eternity for betraying God.[174] It was quite a heavy trip. > We were told to avoid all former members because they were controlled > by evil. If someone we were close to left the group, we were made to > feel that he or she was now a Benedict Arnold and was possessed by > demonic spirits.[175] Can you put yourself in my shoes and imagine > what I felt when I was in there?” > > “Yes.’’ Phil said. “Amazing. How did you get out?” > > “Well, I was in an automobile accident in which I was almost > killed,” I said. “After two weeks in the hospital and an operation on > my leg, I was able to get permission to go visit my sister. She had > given birth to my nephew over a year earlier, but I had never seen > him. I had never been able to get permission from my central figure. > Anyway, my parents hired some former Moonies to come talk with me.” > > “Didn’t you try to resist?’’ asked Phil. > > “Of course. I had been taught in the group about deprogramming,” l > said. “I was told that they would torture me and try to break my faith > in God. Of course I tried to get away, but, with a broken leg and no > crutches, I couldn’t get very far.” > > “So then, what made you decide to leave?” said Phil. I could see > he really wanted to know. > > I explained to him all the things I had learned during my > intervention. I told him I had realized that former members still > loved God and were genuinely good people. I described them as people > who had decided to leave the group, because they no longer wanted to > follow a demagogue who was interested in creating a world in which > everyone was identical in thought, feeling and action. The ex-members > told me of their belief that God gave them free will, so that they > could choose to do the right thing, and not be forced by mind control > to do what the leader thought was right. I told him that any group > that told its members not to think, but rather to obey their leaders > blindly, was dangerous. I told him that any organization that told > members not to talk to former members or read critical information was > exercising information control—an essential component of mind control. > > I told him that during my counseling I began to remember specific > questions I had buried, and specific contradictions that l had > observed, but had never had time to ponder, while I was surrounded by > members, because as a “good” member I had to use thought-stopping > nearly all the time. Once encouraged to get in touch with who I really > was and rethink my entire experience objectively, I was able to see > that I had really been very unhappy in the group: I had given up my > individuality, my creativity, my autonomy. > > “I was also involved in bringing others in the group and forcing > them to be the same way. I had a lot of guilt over things that I had > done while a member, Phil.” > > We talked for a long time before we went back to the house. I told > the family that maybe we should take a few hours out before we started > family counseling. Not surprisingly, Phil wanted to be by himself for > a while and do some thinking. > > The family counseling that took place later built on the work I > had done with Phil. By the time we stopped for the evening, the family > had communicated their intense desire to Phil that he give himself a > chance to really listen to the “whole story.” Phil agreed to spend > several days listening and talking to former members, and > re-evaluating his involvement in the Hare Krishna group. Several > people were brought in to assist him in this process. I was able to > help the family resolve some of their pain and conflict, and Phil > eventually made the decision to leave the cult. > > I’m very happy to report that Phil is presently pursuing a career in music. > > > For Every Lock There Is a Key > > In my intervention with Phil, I built rapport, used goal-oriented > techniques of communication, and developed models of his identity. I > also deliberately tried to get Phil to look at his situation from > another perspective. I then intentionally applied the keys to the > remaining locks of his mind control, and he responded positively. > These keys can often reach into the deepest levels of a person, > beneath any mind control virus, into the hardware of their real self. > Phil’s sudden collapse into cathartic sobbing and surrounding his pain > and guilt of his twin’s sudden death was his key. The changes these > keys unlock can be profound. > > > Key #4: Put the Person in Touch With Their Real Identity > > When a person begins to remember who they were before becoming a > cult member, I am able to re-anchor them to a time when there was no > cult identity and, consequently, no mind control. I enable the person > to review what they thought and felt at each stage of the recruitment > process. Almost always, the person had significant doubts or questions > at the time, but these were long ago suppressed. > > It is within this pre-cult personality that I can learn exactly > what the person needs to see, hear or feel in order to walk away from > the group. For some people, this can be seeing how their leader > misinterprets the Bible. For others, it may be to learn about the cult > leader’s criminal background and dealings. For still others, it is to > be shown specific contradictions within the group’s doctrine. > Contradictions in the leader’s biography can also be pivotal. For > instance, Scientology’s creator, Ron Hubbard, claimed in My > Philosophy, issued in 1965, that he had been lamed with ‘physical > injuries to hip and back’ and ‘blinded with injured optic nerves’ at > the end of WWII, but this is contradicted by a 1957 lecture, where he > claimed to have won a fight against three petty officers, only two > weeks before the war finished.[176] > > The question, “How will you know when it’s time for you to leave > the group?” can help to reveal that individual’s bottom-line > criterion. Will they leave if God tells them to? Will they leave if > they discover that they’ve been lied to? As soon as a member can tell > me explicitly what they would need to know to leave the group, then I > can try my best to find them the proof they require. > > In Phil’s case, before joining the Hare Krishnas he was a > depressed, suicidal person wracked with guilt because he felt > responsible for his brother’s death. If I hadn’t been able to help him > face his feelings and reframe his brother’s fatal accident, he never > would have been able to leave the group. (One could speculate that, on > some unconscious level, he was punishing himself for his “sin” by > being involved in the group.) Until he could rethink the circumstances > of his brother’s death and verbalize what he felt, he would never be > able to take a fresh step forward. > > In this, and other cases like it, if the individual was not happy > or healthy just before joining the group, it is imperative to find > some positive reference point for the person to use as an identity > anchor. If there are no strong positive experiences to use for this > purpose, then one has to be either created or cultivated. > > Imagination can be used to create positive experiences. For > example, one might ask, “If you had had a warm, loving family, what > would it feel like?” or “If your dad had been everything you wanted > when you were growing up, what qualities would he have had, and what > kinds of things would you want to do together?” > > In order for Phil to even consider leaving the Krishnas, he needed > to remember his previous, authentic self, and recall how good it felt > to play guitar, write songs and have fun with his friends and family. > He needed to remember Tom as a person full of life, not just as a > victim. In Phil’s inner life, he was able to resurrect Tom—his desire > to be an investigative journalist, his dislike of organized religion, > and his assertive stance toward life. Since twins are almost always > extremely close, it was imperative that Phil reestablish his positive > emotional link with Tom. > > > Key #5: Get the Cult Member to Look at Reality From Many Different > Perspectives > > During my interaction with Phil, I asked him to look at himself > from a variety of viewpoints. When I asked Phil to switch > perspectives, and think like Tom, a dramatic shift occurred. I asked > him, “What would Tom do, if you were the one who had died? Would he > have joined the Krishnas?” Phil had become so frozen by grief that he > had never been able to find a perspective on it. When I asked him, > “What would Tom say, if he knew you were in the Krishnas?” the answer > came back, “He’d laugh at me and tell me to rejoin the real world.” > > Another important perspective I wanted Phil to have was that of > his parents. He needed to connect with their grief and sense of > loss. Phil had been so wrapped up in his own pain that he hadn’t > realized how deeply everyone else had been affected. Indeed, his > parents had kept themselves together in order to help their children. > As a result, they had never been able to go through all the stages of > mourning properly. > > Helping Phil remember and process the experience of being > recruited into the cult was also important. When I asked him to > verbalize what he thought and felt when he first met the devotee, > Phil’s long-suppressed guilt feelings about asking Tom to buy him the > guitar string came to the surface, for the first time in years. > Furthermore, by recalling his recruitment, Phil was able to remember > some of the questions and doubts he had at the time. He also > remembered that when he first started chanting, it made the pain go > away. He remembered thinking at the time, This is a whole lot better > than feeling suicidal. > > In all rescue efforts, it is important to introduce different > perspectives. Each time a cult member takes a different perspective, > the cult’s hold on them is weakened. > > In addition to asking a person to remember who they were before > joining the group, it can also be quite valuable to ask them to > imagine the future. What will they be like in a year, two years, five > years, or even ten years? What do they realistically see themselves > doing then? Selling flowers on street corners? If not, how would they > feel if they were unable to do anything but sell flowers on the street > in ten years? > > Another valuable perspective can also be that of the cult’s > leader. In one rescue effort, I asked a Moonie, “If you were the > Messiah, would you live the way Sun Myung Moon is living—in a palatial > mansion, with two $250,000 personal yachts, limousines and an array of > high-end luxuries?” She answered, “Definitely not. I would give all my > money to help the poor. I would live very simply.” I was then able to > ask her why she thought Moon lived as he did. She told me, “It > troubles me. It has always troubled me!” Most cult leaders lead > opulent lives, while their followers live relatively poorly. > > When I told Phil what it felt like to be in the Moonies, I > especially tried to convey what it felt like to be around Moon—the > excitement, the honor, the awe. I could have asked him to imagine what > it feels like to be a Moonie who believes that Moon is ten times > greater than Jesus Christ, to feel the incredible honor of living on > earth and meeting the Messiah in person. When Phil stepped into the > shoes of a Moonie, his experience as a Krishna devotee was altered > forever. > > Each time the member is able to step out of his shoes and into the > shoes of another—whether a member of a different group, or even his > parents or his leader—he is weakening his psychological rigidity. > Indeed, encouraging a cult member psychologically to take another > perspective enables him to test his reality. In this process, the > virus of mind control that they have been infected with, is exposed to > healing light. > > The way to undo blind faith is to introduce new perspectives. > > > Key #6: Sidestep the Thought-Stopping Process by Giving > Information in an Indirect Way > > Every person in a cult has been programmed to stop all negative > thoughts about the cult’s leader, its doctrine or the organization > itself. This thought-stopping process is triggered whenever the person > feels that someone is attacking the validity of the group. In this > way, thought-stopping acts as a shield to be held up against any > perceived enemy. They have also been indoctrinated to believe that > their group is superior to all other groups and distinct from all > other groups. > > However, a cult member does not use thought-stopping when there is > no perception of danger. Since the person believes that they are not > in a cult, but that certain other groups are cults, it is relatively > easy to have long, detailed conversations with them about cults > without them ever feeling that you are attacking their leader or their > group. > > Therefore, the way to communicate with a cult member is > indirectly. If the person is a member of The Way International, they > will not feel threatened in the least if you tell them about the > Moonies. If you’re talking with a member of the Moonies, they will not > feel threatened if you tell them about The Way. In this way it becomes > possible to outline mind control processes and techniques in a soft, > subtle manner. Meanwhile, you will provide the person’s > unconscious—their real self—with some essential frames of reference to > begin to analyze what has happened to them. > > Notice that in Phil’s case I was careful not to attack the > Krishnas. If I had done so, he probably would have become defensive > and started chanting; if I had kept up my attack, he would have walked > away. All the information I gave him was based on the Moonies and > other groups. This indirect method of conveying information bypasses > the thought-stopping mechanism. > > > Key #7: Help the Person Visualize a Happy Future Outside the Cult > > Phobia indoctrination—fear of ever leaving the group—is usually > accomplished on an unconscious level. The cult identity never thinks > of leaving the group. Indeed, they are perpetually happy, enthusiastic > and obedient to their superiors. It is the authentic self which has > been enslaved. > > I helped Phil begin to unlock the phobia indoctrination, by asking > him to visualize a picture of the future that he would really > enjoy—playing music, friends, a wife, kids, being close to his family. > Then I asked him to step into the picture and enjoy the experience. By > doing this, I was helping Phil open a door out of the Krishnas. This > simple visualization technique began to dismantle his phobia > indoctrination. It became a bridge to another possible life. > > In other cases, I often ask cult members, “If you had never met > this group, and you were doing exactly what you wanted to be doing, > what would that be?” I usually have to repeat the question several > times. “Really, just imagine, if you were doing exactly what you > wanted to be doing, so that you were totally happy, spiritually and > personally fulfilled, and you never knew the group even existed, what > would you be doing?” > > The answers vary. “I’d be a doctor and work in a clinic serving > poor people.” “I’d be a tennis pro.” “I’d be sailing around the > world.” > > Once the person verbalizes the fantasy, I try to persuade them to > step inside their visualization of a new life, and become emotionally > involved in it. I am then able to begin neutralizing their programmed > negative fears about doing something outside the cult. Once this > positive personal reference point is established, the cult-generated > picture of a dark, disaster-filled life outside the group begins to > change. > > When a positive picture is in place, a bridge to other > possibilities opens. People outside the group can be seen as warm and > loving. Lots of interesting things can be learned outside the group. > There are lots of pleasures to be experienced. Religious and spiritual > fulfillment can be found. > > Once the outside world is seen as potentially filled with positive > experiences, the cult loses some control over the person’s sense of > reality. They are then in a better position to decide whether they > want to stay where they are or do something more valuable and > fulfilling. > > > Key #8: Offer the Cult Member Concrete Definitions of Mind Control > and Specific Characteristics of a Destructive Cult > > My intervention with Phil shows the importance of giving a cult > member specific information about cults. Because I established good > rapport with Phil, I was able to get a lot of personal information > from him, so that I could better help him. In the process, Phil became > curious about me and wanted to know my opinions. > > At that point, I was able to convey specific information about > cults and mind control through my own story of being in the Moonies. I > was able to explain what happened during my deprogramming, and show > how it enabled me to understand that I had been subjected to mind > control and that, in fact, I was in a destructive cult. > > In my own case, until my counselors taught me what the Chinese > Communists of the 1950s were doing, I did not truly understand the > process of “brainwashing.” Until my counselors were able to show me > how other destructive cults, like the Krishnas,[177] were structured > in the same authoritarian manner as the Unification Church, I had > believed that the Moonies were different from any other group. > > I was also able to show Phil that, as strange as they sounded, > some of the Moonies’ beliefs did seem to make sense, if you believed > in Moon and therefore the whole doctrine. I made sure to include the > Moonies’ view on accidental deaths, so he could see that there were > alternative belief systems that offered other explanations. It was > also important for him to see that there are other groups which are > led by people claiming to be spiritually superior. When I eventually > told him that there were over 3000 cult groups, and that if one of > them was in fact led by the one legitimate great leader (which I > seriously doubted), then the odds that he would have found the right > one on the first pick were 3000 to one. Not very good odds. > > I also showed him that I had been a dedicated cult member, and > that I chose to leave the group for the “right” reasons. I wanted to > challenge his indoctrination that people who leave do so because they > are weak or undisciplined, or want to indulge in materialism. I wanted > him to know that I left the Unification Church out of strength and > integrity. I came to see objectively what I had been doing. I had > devoted myself to a fantasy created in the Moonie indoctrination > workshops. I thought I was following the Messiah—the person who would > be able to end war, poverty, disease and corruption, and establish a > Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. I didn’t mind sacrificing myself for these > noble causes. I thought that as a member, I was teaching people the > ultimate standard of love and truth, and living an exemplary life. > > Instead, I realized that I had learned to compromise my integrity > in the name of God. I realized that the higher I rose in the > organization, and the closer I got to Moon, the more obsessed I > became. Power had become almost an addiction, and I began making > choices based on what would protect and enhance my power, not on what > was morally right. > > I left when I realized that deception and mind control can never > be part of any legitimate spiritual movement, and that through their > use, the group had created a virtual Hell on Earth, a kingdom of > slaves. Once I was able to realize that even though I wanted to > believe that Moon was the Messiah and the Divine Principle was Truth, > my belief didn’t make it true. I saw that, even if I remained in the > group for another 50 years, the fantasy I was sacrificing myself for > would never come true. > > By being given clear definitions of mind control, I was able to > see clearly how I had been victimized and how I had learned to > victimize others. I personally had to come to terms with my own > values, beliefs and ideals. Once I did that, even though I had > invested so much of myself in the group, become a leader, and > developed close bonds with many members, I had to walk away. I could > never go back to becoming a “true believer” again. > > > Endnotes for Chapter 10 > 170. Elan Vital, Inc. is a newer name than Divine Light Mission. > See Michael Finch’s Without the Guru: How I took my life back after > thirty years, (Babbling Brook Press 2009). > http://www.MikeFinch.comhttp://www.ex-premie.org/pages/hinduismtoday83.htmhttp://www.apologeticsindex.org/r23.htmlhttp://arthurchappell.me.uk/cults-divine.light.mission.htm > 171. Steven J. Gelberg’s, India In A Mind’s Eye: Travels and > Ruminations of an Ambivalent Pilgrim, (Spiraleye Press, 2012) and > http://surrealist.org/betrayalofthespirit/gelberg.htmlEx-Krishna Nori > Muster’s Betrayal Files > http://surrealist.org/betrayalofthespirit/betrayalfiles.html And her > book, Betrayal of the Spirit: My Life behind the headlines of the Hare > Krishna Movement. Urbana: U of Illinois, 1997. Print. > 172. Indemnity and Unification,” Master Speaks (Feb 14, 1974), > 11-12.Christopher Edwards, Crazy for God (Englewood Cliffs, New > Jersey: Prentice Hall, Inc., 1979), 173-174. > 173. Douglas Lenz, “Twenty-two Months as a Moonie,” Lutheran > Church of America Partners (Feb 1982). 14. > 174. Steve Kemperman, Lord of the Second Advent (Ventura, > California: Regal Books, 1982), 87. > 175. Ibid. > 176. Hubbard, PAB No. 124, (15 November 1957), Communication and Isness. > 177. John Hubner and Lindsay Gruson, “Dial Om for Murder,” The > Rolling Stone (April 9, 1987), 53.
