On Mon, Dec 11, 2023 at 16:58 Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many <[email protected]> wrote:
> [i should have done the queen’s side castle because it traps their queen, > when i instead moved the queen and my finger slipped with dissociation. i > wasn’t aware of this, and they didn’t defend against it sufficiently when > my slip gave them the opportunity to. rather, i then responded to their > attempt to push my knight by pressing the queen to protect the knight. — > > the finger slip stimulated a situation that revealed why not to move my > queen where i was planning to.] > possible mistake > > On Mon, Dec 11, 2023 at 16:52 Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & > Survivor of Many <[email protected]> wrote: > >> 14/24 >> >> On Mon, Dec 11, 2023 at 16:43 Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & >> Survivor of Many <[email protected]> wrote: >> >>> this is a chess game where i won against someone of much higher rating >>> than me: >>> >>> [Site "https://chess.org/play/cf645a4f-4446-4a83-b2fd-919727966f32";] >>> [Event "Chess"] >>> [Variant "Standard"] >>> [Round "1"] >>> [Date "2023.12.11"] >>> [TimeControl "2m +2s"] >>> [White "RaZacek"] >>> [Black "baffo32_lo"] >>> [WhiteElo "1686"] >>> [BlackElo "1370"] >>> [Result "0-1"] >>> >>> 1. d4 e5 2. dxe5 d6 3. exd6 Bxd6 4. Nf3 Nc6 5. Nc3 Bf5 6. e4 Qe7 7. Bd3 >>> Nb4 8. O-O Bg4 9. Be2 Qe6 10. a3 O-O-O 11. Qe1 Nxc2 0-1 >>> >>> chess is now a scarred mental battlefield for me. i’ve spent time >>> playing chess puzzles and my otherness has spent time stimulating failures >>> in me despite this. a lot of time on both of these! my rating has dropped >>> on average in p2p and risen in the puzzles some i’d suspect. >>> >>> i totally smashed this game! partly luck, partly skill. i thought i >>> might consider reviewing it a little. >>> >>> 13/24 1413 >>> >>> # apk add gnuchess >>> >>> 1418 the apk add command ended up being a little more complicated, >>> involving ish crashing repeatedly, anyway >>> >>> 1444 >>> >>> how do i do fixed width font in gmail ipad app, or how else do i access >>> email? >>> >>> 1446 >>> >>> maybe i’ll go on website >>> >>> 1504 >>> >>> yayy fixed width >>> >>> back to responsive app? >>> >>> 1505 >>> >>> 1506 >>> >>> yayy fixed width in app. less responsive though. >>> >>> 1509 >>> >>> echo -e 'e4\nquit' | gnuchess -q --manual --graphic | tac | sed 's/ /. >>> /g' >>> [note the board is mirrored from tac, a usual board would have the king >>> and queen swapped] >>> >>> ♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ ♘ ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . ♙ . . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ ♝ ♞ ♜ >>> >>> i was black. white opened with their queen’s pawn. i usually use a >>> well-known midgrade opening i forget the name of that i learned at a summer >>> camp. >>> noting: since they opened with their queen’s pawn, i get to free my >>> bishop and queen, as well as optionally pin a piece on their king >>> >>> >>> pawn forward 2 >>> >>> ♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ ♘ ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . ♙ . . . . >>> . . . . ♟ . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ ♝ ♞ ♜ >>> >>> >>> pawn takes pawn >>> >>> ♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ ♘ ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . ♙ . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ ♝ ♞ ♜ >>> >>> >>> pawn forward 1 >>> >>> ♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ ♘ ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . ♙ . . . >>> . . . ♟ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ ♝ ♞ ♜ >>> >>> >>> pawn takes pawn >>> >>> ♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ ♘ ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . ♙ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ ♝ ♞ ♜ >>> >>> >>> bishop takes pawn >>> >>> ♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ ♘ ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . ♝ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> this theoretically exchanges position in my benefit for pieces in >>> theirs; i spend my years trying to figure out how the heck to take >>> advantage of it. one of the last exchanges i had regarding this at that >>> summer camp was something like “why does this opening never work against >>> you (the person who taught it to me)” “because you never make use of it, >>> karl” >>> >>> >>> white next brought their king’s knight out. (i wonder what they were >>> planning or thinking. it could have been a habit to threaten or guard a >>> missing pawn in the middle.) >>> >>> ♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ . ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . . . . ♘ . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . ♝ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >> >> maybe they were erring in the side of threatening spaces my advanced >> bishop could otherwise make use of. >> >> >>> i brought out the opposing knight on my queen’s side. this threatens the >>> same central spaces their knight does, and also moves toward the more >>> difficult queen’s-side castle. i’m not sure what specifically my reasoning >>> was, but i’ve been exploring different things. >>> >>> ♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ . ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . . . . ♘ . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . ♞ ♝ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ . ♝ ♛ ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> something i’ve been thinking of here is - well >>> >>> >>> they brought out their opposite knight, so maybe this is just how they >>> like to open, or maybe it is some standard approach >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ . ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . ♘ . . ♘ . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . ♞ ♝ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ . ♝ ♛ ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> >>> i then brought out my bishop. likely i was thinking of controlling the >>> board safely and moving toward opening that queen’s side castle >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ . ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . ♘ . . ♘ . . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . . . ♝ . . >>> . . ♞ ♝ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ . . ♛ ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> i think i move the second bishop out farther to maybe try to be more >>> aggressive, remember that e-change at summer camp. >>> >> *exchange >> >>> when it’s on the other queen’s/king’s side it threatens a pawn that can >>> be used for a checkmate, building what i’ve been calling initiative, giving >>> the opponent fewer options and yourself more >>> >>> >>> they moved their pawn forward 2 to threaten my overadvanced bishop >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ . ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . . ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . ♘ . . ♘ . . >>> . . . . ♙ . . . >>> . . . . . ♝ . . >>> . . ♞ ♝ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ . . ♛ ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> >>> and here’s where it started getting fancy, i moved my queen in front of >>> my king (very dangerous!) to pin their pawn onto their king, so they >>> couldn’t take the bishop, in an attempt to keep my positional and move >>> investments. >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ . ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . . ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . ♘ . . ♘ . . >>> . . . . ♙ . . . >>> . . . . . ♝ . . >>> . . ♞ ♝ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . ♛ ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> i think once there are pins and things going on like this it starts >>> taxing the players’ memories in competition, to remember all the concerns >>> and dependencies. >>> - they can’t use their pawn how they usually expect, so they have to put >>> more cognition into things that involve it (it also pressure them to >>> prioritize moving their king or engaging my queen to threaten my bishop >>> again) >>> - i lose my bishop if i move my queen; all the places it threatens >>> aren’t actually threatened unless the value of moving there is more than a >>> bishop, which i’m likely to not think of >>> (i guess, maybe) >>> >> >>> i likely tried this from the puzzles experience. i’m pretty vulnerable >>> here in my opinion, but i think the unexpectedness and memory loading can >>> also help me win sometimes. >>> >>> the behavior is sadly a habit i have, where i try running a bigger risk >>> to see if it pans out later, kind of a little. intended only for play, not >>> serious situations. >>> >>> >>> they moved out their other bishop to defend the pawn. i forgot i could >>> take it. that’s likely why i risked the queen, cause it let me threaten >>> putting them in check, maybe >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ ♕ ♔ . . ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . . ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . ♘ ♗ . ♘ . . >>> . . . . ♙ . . . >>> . . . . . ♝ . . >>> . . ♞ ♝ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . ♛ ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> oh no … they were already threatening the pawn with their knight. maybe >>> they were disincentivizing me from pinning their knight on their king with >>> my bishop? >>> >> >> no, if i took the pawn with the bishop, and they took it with the knight, >> i think the queen could then take the knight, check, leaving me a pawn up >> with initiative. the bishop response deters this. >> >> >>> i advanced my knight likely to threaten their bishop and the pawn by >>> their queen, dunno, but both of which were also in line with my scared >>> bishop, tensely relying on their king not moving which would unpin the pawn >>> that could take it >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ ♕ ♔ . . ♖ >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . . ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . ♘ ♗ . ♘ . . >>> . ♞ . . ♙ . . . >>> . . . . . ♝ . . >>> . . . ♝ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . ♛ ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> noting my king is nicely freed by now to castle on the queen’s side too, >>> and there aren’t any pawns between where my rook would land and their queen >>> still is. maybe got more lucky in this game than skillful, unsure. >>> >>> [mistake][separately my memories of this game are worsened further from >>> the mirroring] >>> >>> >>> they castled on their king’s side, away from my advanced knight, >>> threatening my bishop >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ ♕ . ♖ ♔ . >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . . ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . ♘ ♗ . ♘ . . >>> . ♞ . . ♙ . . . >>> . . . . . ♝ . . >>> . . . ♝ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . ♛ ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> >>> i moved my bishop to a temporarily safer advancement, pinning their >>> knight on their queen. >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ ♕ . ♖ ♔ . >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . . ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . ♘ ♗ . ♘ . . >>> . ♞ . . ♙ . ♝ . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . ♝ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . ♛ ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> i might be thinking here that i need to collect pressure near their king >>> to eventually checkmate them as well as build initiative, not sure. anyway >>> it pins their knight which reduces their board control for one move at >>> least i guess. often i have a habit of aggression in the hopes they get >>> confused like me, maybe. people repeat what works. >>> >>> i recall i was pressuring their king. >>> >>> >>> they retreated their bishop to unpin their knight >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ ♕ . ♖ ♔ . >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . ♗ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . ♘ . . ♘ . . >>> . ♞ . . ♙ . ♝ . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . ♝ . . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . ♛ ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> i’m guessing this meant i still had the initiative i was seeking because >>> they responded to my move without gaining much position. >>> >>> >>> here i think my finger actually slipped, possibly dissociatively, and i >>> moved the queen forward one when i wasn’t planning to. >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ ♕ . ♖ ♔ . >>> ♙ ♙ ♙ . ♗ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> . . ♘ . . ♘ . . >>> . ♞ . . ♙ . ♝ . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . ♝ ♛ . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> this guards the bishop. i think i would usually have moved it forward >>> two to threaten (and advertise this to the opponent) the checkmate pawn >>> diagonal from the king. >>> >>> this surprise left me unbalanced and i was looking for how to regain >>> more advantage. >>> >>> it’s so nice to review something with a dissociated confusion (i.e. >>> amnesia, [maybe it’s hard to store memories when you’re regaining footing]) >>> in it! and we won! together! o_o :) >>> >>> >>> they advanced their pawn 1 to threaten and push my knight to move. >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ ♕ . ♖ ♔ . >>> . ♙ ♙ . ♗ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> ♙ . ♘ . . ♘ . . >>> . ♞ . . ♙ . ♝ . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . ♝ ♛ . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> ♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> i might have felt a little excited here, as if it wasn’t enough of an >>> initiative press back for me to lose mine. i had three diagonal pieces >>> threatening near their king (if i get my queen defended on one of those >>> pawns it’s checkmate, it could do that in 2 moves despite my slip) and the >>> knight they were threatening was distant from them. >>> >>> >>> i used my queen’s side castle to threaten revealing with my bishop, my >>> rook against their queen. this meant my bishop could effectively make two >>> moves in a row if they couldn’t regain initiative rescuing their queen. >>> [possible mistake] >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ ♕ . ♖ ♔ . >>> . ♙ ♙ . ♗ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> ♙ . ♘ . . ♘ . . >>> . ♞ . . ♙ . ♝ . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . ♝ ♛ . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> . . ♚ ♜ . . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> notably i am now threatening taking their queen by moving the bishop to >>> put them in check. this is another trick i learned from the puzzles. >>> >>> i am now very strongly in the advantage, but it involved layering >>> approaches behind strong risks that can easily go poorly if one’s memory >>> falters (which mine —- ); because i am threatening both their queen and >>> their king and they are only threatening more minor pieces. >>> >>> maybe i’d like to play through this game more. i don’t usually pull this >>> off and i think it’s because i run poor risks or lose track of them. maybe >>> i could compare it to a losing game and see what’s different or something … >>> [unsure :s some write mistake—-] >>> >>> >>> i wonder if my finger slip put them in unwarranted ease or something >>> >>> >>> so what happened is they moved their queen toward their king to protect >>> it from my check-reveal. this let me fork it with their rook with my risked >>> knight, and they then resigned the game in defeat, which let me realize how >>> much advantage i had before i lost it in further mistakes maybe ;S >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ . ♕ ♖ ♔ . >>> . ♙ ♙ . ♗ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> ♙ . ♘ . . ♘ . . >>> . ♞ . . ♙ . ♝ . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . ♝ ♛ . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> . . ♚ ♜ . . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> ♖ . ♗ . ♕ ♖ ♔ . >>> . ♙ ♞ . ♗ ♙ ♙ ♙ >>> ♙ . ♘ . . ♘ . . >>> . . . . ♙ . ♝ . >>> . . . . . . . . >>> . . . ♝ ♛ . . . >>> ♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟ >>> . . ♚ ♜ . . ♞ ♜ >>> >>> victory. my ranking was 1370 and theirs was 1686. >>> >>> i’m thinking one thing maybe i did here was open multiple aggressive >>> avenues at once (not all of which i was aware of) and then stay flexible >>> about which i pursued as they responded. having them open meant that i had >>> multiple options for pressuring them, since i don’t know what they will do. >>> >>> i guess when my finger slipped with my queen it left them unsure of what >>> avenues i was pursuing. if i had moved my queen all the way as i meant, >>> what usually happens is they immediately fortify their king to prevent >>> checkmate which would have made the reveal that trapped their queen via >>> their king no longer work that way. instead they worked to address the >>> other side of the board. >>> >>> they may have seen something my slip could do that i didn’t, that they >>> were acting on. >>> >>> it’s noticeable that my rook and knight were working together to limit >>> their queen. i don’t think imwas consciously aware of this at the time. >>> >>> doing puzzles with the dissociativ— >>> >>> anyway :) >>> >>> i’m inhibited against reviewing my own behavior so this was awesome to >>> post :D it’s been many years since i’ve had a positive way to feed back >>> around things and improve them. >>> >>>
