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THE DAFYOMI DISCUSSION LIST
brought to you by Kollel Iyun Hadaf of Yerushalayim
Rosh Kollel: Rabbi Mordecai Kornfeld
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[REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE TO DISCUSS THE DAF WITH THE KOLLEL]
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General: Pray for the Dead and...
Shmuel G. <gavriel...@gmail.com> asks:
When going to Daven at the Kever of a deceased Jew, can one request for the
deceased to pray on one's behalf?
If not, why do we often hear eulogies asking the deceased to be a Melitz
Yosher on our behalf? Is any of this different for Kivrei Tzadikim?
Thank you,
Shmuel G., Yerushalayim
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The Kollel replies*:
Dear Reb Shmuel,
(a) The Maharil (Hilchos Ta'anis #3) warns a person who is praying at the
graves of Tzadikim "Al Yasim Megamaso Neged haMeisim...Ach Yevakesh Me'es
Hashem sh'Yiten Lo Rachamim b'Zechus ha'Tzadikim" (one should not turn his
attention to the dead... but rather should ask for mercy from Hashem in the
merit of the Tzadikim). This is cited by the Darkei Moshe and Poskim
(including the Mishnah Berurah) at the end of OC 581.
The Acharonim offer two reasons for Maharil's admonition not to address the
dead directly:
1. It violates (or nearly so) the prohibition against "Doresh El ha'Meisim"
in Devarim 18:11 (Chayei Adam 135:5)
2. It violates the directive of the Yerushalmi (Berachos 9:1) that when a
person finds himself in difficult times he should not cry out to Michael or
Gavriel, but rather he should call directly to Hashem, as we are told in
the verse (Yoel 3:5) "All who call in the name of Hashem will be saved."
(Maharam Shik OC 293)
(b) However, we do find that Kalev went to the Me'aras ha'Machpelah and
said (Sotah 34b): Avosai, Bakshu Rachamim Alai. Similarly, in Ta'anis 23b
Rav Mana asks at his father's grave, "Abba, Abba - people are making my
life unbearable!" It would seem clear from these examples that a person is
allowed to request from the deceased that they pray on his behalf, which is
at odds with the words of the Maharil. (See also the Hagahos ha'Bach in
Sotah 14a.)
On this basis, the Minchas Elazar (OC 1:68) concludes that the Maharil's
words cannot be taken at face value. What he really means is that one
should not think that the dead have any power to answer his prayers; rather
they are just emissaries of ours. One can certainly ask the dead to daven
on our behalf in the same way that we are allowed to ask a living Tzadik to
daven on our behalf. He cites further support for this from the words of
the Zohar (Vayikra 60, 71).
There is no problem of Doresh El ha'Meisim when one simply speaks to the
spirit of the dead; only when he tries to force information out of their
bodies/bones using Kochos ha'Tum'ah (Rema YD 117:5). Neither is there a
problem of asking help from others rather than communicating directly with
Hashem, just as we are actually encouraged to ask live Tzadikim to pray for
us (as we find in Bava Basra 116a). (Minchas Elazar, ibid.)
(c) Others, such as Rav Moshe Feinstein (OC5:43) and Maharam Shik (OC 293)
take the words of Maharil literally. (They even find a parallel to the
words of the Maharil in the words of Rabeinu Chaim Paltiel, a Rishon and
student of the Maharam Rotenberg, cited by the Bach at the end of YD 217.
However, Rabeinu Chaim Paltiel seems to be discussing a more general issue
- whether it is permitted to go to graveyards to pray or not - and in that
issue, the consensus of the Acharonim seems to be against Rabeinu Chaim's
conclusion.)
According to this opinion, we must explain why it was permitted for Kalev
and Rav Mana to direct their words towards the dead.
It seems that it is permitted for one to ask his ancestors to pray for him
- since they feel a personal responsibility to their progeny. (That is why
Kalev and Rav Mana prefaced their prayers with "Father...") From the
Hagahos ha'Bach in Sotah 14a, it seems that it is similarly permitted to
address one's mentors (in the case of the Bach, Moshe Rabeinu).
(d) As for the excellent point that you made about Maspidim asking the
Niftar to be a Melitz Yosher, we can suggest the following. They are not
asking the Niftar to be a Melitz Yosher for us, but rather praying to
Hashem that He accept the Niftar's Tefilos, which the Niftar must currently
be offering on behalf of his living relatives and friends.
IN CONCLUSION:
1. The Maharil advises not to address the Niftar directly. Some understand
this to mean simply that we should not expect *the Niftar* to help us,
rather they should be our emissaries to beseech of Hashem. However, others
understand Maharil literally, that we should not even ask the dead to pray
for us.
2. In either case, it is certainly permitted to address dead ancestors or
mentors and ask them to pray for us.
3. "Be a Meilitz Yosher" simply means, "May you succeed in your prayers on
behalf of the living before the heavenly throne."
b'Yedidus,
Yonasan Sigler and Mordecai Kornfeld
*This is not a Psak Halachah
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