http://babilonline.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/ubuntu-1204how-to-use-vnc-even-at-login.html
found this - worked to get to the login screen to do the above workaround...  
need to use a proper vnc client on osx though - not screen sharing:)

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https://bugs.launchpad.net/bugs/1036077

Title:
  LightDM refuses to respect changed default session for autologin

Status in “lightdm” package in Ubuntu:
  Confirmed

Bug description:
  I have tried editing /etc/lightdm/lightdm.conf and adding user-
  session=XBMC (XVMC being the session I want to default to) but to no
  avail.

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