Don't get me wrong, the folks who work on Koji and Copr are great, but
even they'll admit that they're woefully underfunded. The compose
tooling, PDC, etc. are also examples of this problem.

Can't agree enough.  Hats off to the COPR folks.
Without it, even it current state, RH/Fed ecosystem is, at least here, a LOT 
less tenable/attractive, if at all.

Even in a world where I would be *able* to pay for it (and there's
plenty of commercial evidence that such a service would be something
people would pay for), I just don't think it would stick.

Here's 1 'mid-sized umbrella' vote.

I'm happy to pay for a COPR service.  Particularly if it were to exist on 
at-least-arm's-length infrastructure, and provides decoupling from RH/IBM's 
corporate legal paranoias and policies.

That could be managed as reasonable subscription fees.

Another option is to get the containerized COPR efforts polished & available.  
Then, any/all could spin them up easily (aka, far easier than now), and deploy locally, 
&/or make available ...
and, charge some reasonable fee for those downloads.

And by reasonable fees, I'm not talking about Enterprise-sized profit-generating-fees, 
but enough given Fedora-project's real needs (devs & infrastructure) to defray, at 
least some of the, operating costs.  And something that a significant majority of 
current contributors -- paid & volunteer alike -- would consider a worthwhile 
bargain for the value received.
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