Brin lay curled up on the large bed, dim gray light coming in through the drapes that she insisted stay closed. The bleak snow covered landscape at at her soul, but then allot of things did that. Dissolving bits of herself, sucking them into the maelstrom of her grief.
It hadn't marked her yet, her emotions gently buffered from the awful sadness and rage for the moment. She cried though .. trickles and sobs as the emptiness inside her searched endlessly for the two small lives that were gone, they're spirits now part of everything, and it raged, jealous that it's appeasement wasn't ended, only magnified. They were gone ... her babies were gone, and she blamed .. blamed herself ... blamed Andor, blamed Rue. She blamed everyone that had ever hurt her when all she'd ever wanted was to love and be loved. No. She didn't blame Andor, she loved him .. and he loved her .. but it didn't HELP! He couldn't bring her babies back! A sob slipped from between compressed lips. The laudanum was wearing off. Lifting her head she looked around blearily and saw the bottle on the nearby table. She slowly sat up fully and didn't move for a few moments. Her dark red hair snarled down past her shoulders, no scent of strawberries clung to them in any way. The thick cotton gown she wore was rumpled, the white fabric emphasizing her paleness, the dark circles under her eyes standing out like bruises. No pain ... not physical that is. Andors healing worked wonders. The signs of the miscarriage were leaving quickly, returning her to the bountiful good health she'd always enjoyed. She didn't WANT to be healthy, not when her babies lay cold ... in the cold ground. More tears trickled down her cheeks now and she lifted an arm slowly to wipe them absently away, her eyes staring with no attention whatsoever, at the far wall. She drifted like this sometimes, it was easier .. the pain slipped away to a dull ache .. and sometimes she would forget it had ever happened. That was until she felt her shrinking stomach, or the absence of the two little ones kicking within her. Those were the good times, then she could pretend and be happy again. She couldn't pretend when Andor was around though,. it made him upset. He would sigh and frown and she'd realize something was wrong and it would start all over again. She reached out for the bottle and without even bothering to get anything to mix it with, she uncorked it and took several swallows. The bitter awful taste made her gag but she swallowed. She needed oblivion .. anything to forget for just a little bit longer. She clumsily recorked it and set it back on the bedside table, then turned, her body curling in on itself, her knees tucking against her chest as she pulled the covers up above her head and hid from the world like a child. Jax ---- #Blkdragon*inn channel operator, and typo demon extrodinaire We all think we're ordinary, it's others that think we're extraordinary. - Me (On going to war over religion) "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend." -Yasir Arrafat (PLO leader) (On cost overuns) "One way to ensure that it is not a major achievement for mankind" was to pass the budget limit. Rep. (Dana Rohrabacher, a California Republican) <Kylus> What was that really bad vamp movie you saw over the summer? <Kaejo> Dracula: Lord of the Dance The only disability in life is a bad attitude. - Scott Hamilton http://jaxitty.tripod.com/index.html http://members.tripod.com/Jaxitty/ZI.html -- To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Archives & Other DMI Lists: http://www.dragonmyst.f2s.com/lists.php3
