The Mystonian TownCrier Editorial Page
The views expressed below do not necessarily represent the collective views held at this newspaper. However, they may and such may or may not be stated. All comments, questions, and leads on the latest news and entertainment can be sent expressly to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
House Molentia Prepares
for...?
"I know this is probably wrong, but I can't keep it in any longer. I .. ah ..work at the place, and what some of these nobles get up to is just ludicrous."
That's a direct quote from an anonymous individual at the Molentia castle who took great pains to write to us. Well citizens, while we do not endorse speaking ill of our beloved monarch, we must voice our concern over the recent statements being sent to us. Please realize, we did not solicit this information, and in fact, we sent a reporter out to the castle for a statement. We present it to you, the faithful commoners and nobles alike. The individual went on to write:
"That Alesian that's gonna be marrying the queen? He's got himself a literal harem! Riding the ladies (excuse my vernacular) any tim[e] he wants, one after another. And one 'em was lady Lorelie, the queen's own friend and secretary. In the garden no less, though she says there was another woman before her." *Wink Nudge*
"It's no wonder the queen's run off. What with his royal LEWDNESS chasing after every skirt he can, and having the audacity to cast magic on an LIW to silence her protests. What's our monarchy coming to I ask you?!"
Indeed, dear loyal subject, indeed. Could this be, we wonder, the near future of our faire Isles? When a King-by-Marriage to our dear Queen invokes his will through such torture and promiscuity? Will the Isles become another conquered land of the harsh, though favoured trade nation, the Alesian Imperium? And what is this about the Queen being gone? Gone where? One does not simply leave when one is to be married and coronate one's spouse to be King. Another letter came to us, further concerning us:
"I don't know what to say .. I have to tell someone .. with the queen gone, the castle is falling into a shambles! That lady Loreli and Lady Nanette .. and some scribe. Likely the Lady Loreli was instigating sex games last night, like she did with "his Lordship Nibs" in the garden! And they brought the whole library down around them! Books and shelves everywhere! And who has to clean it up? Well -we- do of course! I tell you, the Queen off tromping about the gods know -where- (and with who) and the rest of the -nobles- destroyin this fine castle. What are times comin to I ask you?!"
Hmm. While we all know that Ladies in Waiting are apt to be more than a little jealous of their queen, we really had no idea that her secretary could be so devious. If this is true, that is. Our reporter noted upon his visit with Lady Loreli that she was frequently scowling, hadn't slept well, and was quite flustered when questioned about the castle's response to these rumours. And we quote the Queen's own secretary on the castle's official statement:
"There have been some troubles yes...There's trouble in every relationship. There's always some minor...frolicking. You should know this. The queen is young...while there are troubled waters...there is nothing. I repeat -nothing- that would, should, or could dishonor the Molentia name going on here."
Except perhaps Paralorizing it. For centuries we stand as witness to Isles history; today's common people shall be the judges for the what happens to our young Queen.
The New Lord Marshall...Is A Lady?
Reports are unconfirmed but we have it on semi-reliable authority that the new Lord Marshall will be a Lady Marshall, for the first time in Isles recorded history. What a fascinating concept! We wonder collectively instead of tougher laws on the renegades that roam our vast wilderness, will we be saddled with group discussions and fund-raising socials? What could the Queen be thinking? Perhaps, the wise young monarch realizes that she needs another femme fatale to counter-balance that headstrong mage she's marrying? In light of recent developments, we certainly hope she's thinking somewhat about the future of this land. We caution the common man to be prepared to sidestep on certain days of the month, as no doubt the laws will be easier to break at times. When we know more, you'll know more.
Composer Commissioned by Queen, Found Dead Two Days Later
Theodore Logichecht, a young musical composer recently commissioned by Her Majesty herself, was found dead in his rented room at the DragonMyst Inn just two days after accepting the honour to compose the coronation march. Does not this ghastly event cast an even darker omen upon the future King of this land?
The young man was found disgraced without his trousers and leeched of blood. Last year, a body was found in similar state on the road to Brookshire. Then Guardsman Rue Denali dismissed the incident as likely the result of a ravenous pack of wolves or the infrequent undead visitor from the mainland. Is it coincidence that the now dishonourable Denali is rooming at the DragonMyst at the time of the composer's death? Denali could not be found for comment.
However, the link to Denali notwithstanding, Logichecht also had two deep puncture wounds upon his neck, clearly the calling card of kindred. As we reported last week, there have been sightings of kindred, normally found on the neighboring country of Arangoth. These creatures do exist, gentle Islanders! Our stalwart reporters are hard at work seeking more details to you in the weeks to come. But do heed poor Theodore's demise! Don't let tonight be your last night of song! Protect yourself against the undead who walk among us. Although there are no laws against their existing here, that doesn't give them the clearance to kill you!
All comments, questions, and leads on the latest news and entertainment can be sent expressly to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
