[DragonTales] Double Issue2 - The Mystonian TownCrier Editorial Page

[Mystonian TownCrier Editorial]

The Mystonian TownCrier Editorial Page

Managing Editor, Buttercup MedowMuffin

Contributing Editor, Magni Thistlebecks

Reporters, Buckeye Tooth and Silas Nickels

The views expressed below do not necessarily represent the collective views held at this newspaper. However, they may and such may or may not be stated. All comments, questions, and leads on the latest news and entertainment can be sent expressly to [EMAIL PROTECTED]

 

The DragonMyst Inn - Where to Buy Illegal Hallucinogens?

Sweet cleric Khelti Materi, say it isn't so?! Forced to pay back the generous loans given to rebuild the inn after last year's horrendous fire by the Wyvern Raiders, the innkeeper has taken to farming out illegal substances?! We stand aghast at the mere thought. But we do have eyewitness account of a powdery substance being exchanged between a disheveled young man and an innocent girl. And we have often heard that the ale at the DragonMyst was by far the best around the Isles. Could it be due to a secret concoction of opium? We always did suspect there was more between Lilla's bosom than met the eye. And rumour has it that Lilla's recent disappearance is either due to her protestations over the recent drug sales or her utter involvement in bringing in another shipment.

A Bawdy Tune - The Virgin Song

This summertime song, in light of our recent ponderings about dragons in our myst, can be heard being sung throughout the land. All in lighthearted jest, of course, we offer the enjoyable lyrics for the young and old alike.

~ A dragon has come to our village today

We've asked him to leave but he won't go away

Now he's talked to our king and they've worked out a deal

No homes will he burn and no crops will he steal ~

 

~ Now there is but one catch, we dislike it a bunch

Twice a year he invites him a virgin to lunch

Well we've no other choice so the deal we'll respect

But we can't help but wonder and pause to reflect ~

 

Chorus:

~ Do virgins taste better than those who are not?

Are they salty or sweet or more juicy or what?

Do you savour them slowly - gulp them down on the spot?

Do virgins taste better than those who are not? ~

 

~ Now we'd like to beshed you and many have tried

But no one can get through your thick scaly hide

We hope that someday some brave knight will come by

'cause we can't wait around 'til you're too fat to fly ~

 

~ Now you have such good taste in your women for sure

They always are pretty, they always are pure

But your notion of dining - it makes us all flinch

For your favorite entree is barbecued wench ~

 

(chorus)

 

~ Now we've found a solution, it works out so neat

If you insist on nothing but virgins to eat

No more will our number ever grow small

We'll simply make sure there's no virgins at all! ~

 

( repeat chorus endlessly)

 

<<OOC: Author unknown. Thanks to Kris.>>

 

Enraged Painter Tosses Wife From Dream Manor

Jackson Jonas has allegedly had enough of his beautiful wife's antics, as we helped bring to light in last week's issue. Kylie Jonas was reportedly overheard at the DragonMyst Inn as she booked a room, "Better keep the tab open, I don't know how often I'll need the room." Illicit meetings perhaps? Could she be involved in the above rumoured drug exchanges? Certainly not, this is a woman who helped endorse the Widows and Orphans Society! Yet, she was there without her young daughter, leading one to conclude that if she so frequently leaves her own child of late, she cannot care much for the welfare of other children. Attempts to gain a statement from Jackson Jonas were unsuccessful due to the ferocious Sesar Vale Moorhounds guarding the castlette manor Jonas had built for his new bride last spring. Next time, when our reporter is questioning whether or not love lasts longer than a year, he should bring a tasty bit of meat instead of just his legs.

All comments, questions, and leads on the latest news and entertainment can be sent expressly to [EMAIL PROTECTED]