Heehee! I love it!
You left out the part about "staple on the mic of your choice."
:-)
72, Zack W9SZ
On Tue, 8 Apr 2008, Peter Dougherty wrote:
Yesterday afternoon a cluster-crab made an off-hand about 10 and 15 (or was
it 17 & 15) being dead - to which I replied in a very pythonesque manner.
Well tonight, after a few choice single-malts, the creative juices began to
flow and pretty soon the following oozed out of my brain and onto eHam's
DXing forum.
---------------
QRPer from down the hill enters an office containing a counter with an HF
radio and microphone on it. A clerk is standing behind the counter.
QRPer: I wish to register a complaint!
Ofcom agent: Sorry, we're closed for lunch...
QRPer: Never mind that, ol' man, I wish to complain about 10 meters, wot I
got permission to use not half a year ago frrrrom this very boutique.
Ofcom agent: Oh, yes, 10 meters. What's, uh....what's wrong with it?
QRPer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it OM, It's DEAD, that's what's wrong
with it.
Ofcom agent: Oh no, it's resting.
QRPer: Look matey, I know a dead band when I hear one, and I'm listening to
one right now.
Ofcom agent: No no, it's not dead, it's restin'. Remarkable band, ten
metres...beautiful daylight coverage.
QRPer: The coverage don't enter into it....it's stone dead.
Ofcom agent: no no no no, it's *resting*.
QRPer: ALLLLLLright then, if it's resting, I'll wake it up. CQ. CQ TEN. I'M
QRV BETWEEN LIGHTNING BOLTS ON CLIPPERTON ISLAND IF YOU'LL WAKE UP, TEN
METERS! (Ofcom agent quickly breaks out a bug and oscillator and sends some
fast CW)
Ofcom agent: There, that was a signal
QRPer: Not it wasn't, that was you sending on a practice oscillator.
Ofcom agent: I NEVER
QRPer Yes you did!
Ofcom agent: I did naugh...
QRPer: (quickly tuning the transmitter) SEEEE CUE TEN SEEEECUE TEN!!! QRZ TEN
METERS! THIS IS YOUR DX WAKEUP CALL
(Turns up the AF gain and spins the VFO to only the sound of static).
QRPer: Now that's what I call a dead band.
Ofcom agent: No, no.....no it's STUNNED.
QRPer: STUNNED?
Ofcom agent: Yeah, you stunned it just when you were tuning up. 10 meters
stuns easily.
QRPer: Um....now look, mate, don't play the slippery eel with me. That band
is definitely deceased, and when I went QRV not six short months ago, my
Elmer assured me that its total lack of activity was due to it bein' tired
and shagged out following CQ World Wide.
Ofcom agent: Well, it's probably pining for sunspots.
QRPer: PININ' for SUNSPOTS??? What kind of talk is that and why did it fall
flat the moment I put my tower up?
Ofcom agent: 10 meters prefers keeping quiet like that. Remarkable band,
innit? Beautiful Daylight Coverage.
QRPer: Look tosh, I took the liberty of examining that band when the TI9 was
on, and I discovered that the only reason there were any signals at all was
because I was listening to other callers on ground wave.
Ofcom agent: Well of *course* you were hearing them ground wave. Look, if
there'd been any propagation at all they'd have all come in long path, and
VOOM.
QRPer: VOOM?
Ofcom agent: Voom.
QRPer: Mate, this band wouldn't voom if the solar flux was four hundred
thousand! It's bleedin' DEMISED!
Ofcom agent: No no, it's pining for sunsp....
QRPer: It's not pining, it's passed on. It has ceased to be. It's a wasteland
just like 6 with no aurora! It's flatter than me 80 meter dipole. If it
hadn't been for ground wave I'd be hearing crickets. It's off the dial, it's
run down the coax and joined the bloody Palos Verdes Sundancers. Vis-a-vis DX
QSOs, this band's 'ad it's lot. All statements to the effect of this band's
being workable are from now on inoperative. TEN METERS IS NOW QRT! (slams mic
down on the desk)
Radio: CQ CQ CQ TEN VP8LP calling from the Falkland Islands, anybody,
anywhere, CQ CQ CQ CQ CQ (fades out).
QRPer: (astonished)
Ofcom agent: Right! (evil grin on his face; pull back to reveal the Ofcom
agent pull out a Wouff Hong and a Rettysnitch from behind the counter and
chases the QRPer out of the office and down the street).
---------------------------
(may be shamelessly copied eslewhere and modified to be funnier at will, but
please credit W2IRT)
Regards,
Peter,
W2IRT
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