>I enjoyed Helen's reply. Personally, I am not sure that the >developmental process of caring moves toward codependence. I think what Jackie was talking about in competition for caring in the workplace moving towards codependence is not the same thing as 'process of caring'. As women we often see ourselves as carers. This can become competitive and full of guilt messages. I will speak from my own experience. I am involved in a profession that is called 'caring'. And sure, we care for our clients, customers ect. But we dont' care for ourselves beyond rhetoric! My collegues in child protection regularly work 2-3 hour extra (thats 10-11 hours daily) each day with no overtime paid. No time in lieu, and no recognition. How is this done? Are all these women just stupid? I hear you ask. Not a bit of it. They are simply not resistant to guilt. I asked a friend in cp why she worked such long hours, and she replied simply "you wouldn't believe the guilt if you don't". But I would. I will never work in cp, but not for this reason alone. But because the caring will destroy me. The children are often left in less than good-enough parenting homes because there is no alternative. There is such minute resources aimed at alleviating the problem. The workers who are in there feel a huge responsibility and because they cannot fix the problem they burn out. >From this original caring disposition we get women who are burnt out. Competitive, selfish and jealous. Hurting. Once caring gets to codep it has lost its ability to promote change. To promote healing. It is essential that when we encounter these competitive caring games that we refuse to engage. Better yet that we turn our caring and love and support on to the very woman who would seek to compete with us. Thus ending the game and making two winners! Huh. Easier said than done. We are only human. Kylie. [EMAIL PROTECTED]
