>Subject:
>Date: Fri, 9 Jun 2000 20:12:19 -0700
>X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.00.2919.6600
>
>Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
>Redmond, WA - Microsoft in a recent all cash deal has purchased evil from
>Satan for $2.7 billion. "We've been after Satan for some time," said CEO
>Steve Ballmer. "Negotiations were tough but I think both Microsoft and
>the Prince of Darkness are happy with this deal."
>
>Before the purchase, Microsoft already had 15% of the evil market, now
>that number is closer to 100%. The Department of Justice has voiced
>concerns over one corporation controlling so much evil, and has begun
>investigations into the deal.
>
>"We feel that there are real opportunities with evil, and that when evil
>is integrated it into our next generation of Windows products consumers
>will appreciate evil on their desktop," said Microsoft Chairman Bill
>Gates. "Businesses haven't been able to fully realize their evil
>potential. With evil integrated into Office 2001, corporations big and
>small will begin to see enhanced evil productivity."
>
>"Evil is a real growing market," market strategist Frank Dresgan of
>Merrill Lynch said today. "Microsoft is a little late in the game, but
>even when they enter a market late they still tend to dominate. I think
>we'll see the same with evil."
>
>"I've been dealing with Microsoft for some time," Lucifer said. "I've
>been at this evil thing for millions of years, and wanted a way out. I
>considered an IPO, but then Steve-O and Billy came along and told me about
>their "Evil Everywhere" plan and that was an offer I couldn't refuse."
>
>Evil was founded by Satan close to the beginning of time. It has been
>growing steadily ever since, although most of the growth has come in the
>past five years with the development of the internet. Satan plans to
>retire to a small island in the Bahamas and write a column for the local
>newpaper.
