If operating systems were televisions
DOS
This TV is inexpensive and black and white. You can watch 200 channels, but you
have to turn the TV off when you want to change
channels. You can only watch shows that last less than 64 minutes, 53 minutes
if you want sound, 51 minutes if you have a clock display on
the screen, and 47 minutes if you have a VCR.
DOS with QEMM
The TV is inexpensive and black and white. You still have to turn the TV off
when you want to change channels, but you can now watch up
to 4 hours of TV even with a VCR.
Windows 3.1
The TV is inexpensive, but all the colors are out of the 60s. You can change
channels easily, but the TV sometimes turns off unexpectedly.
You can use it with your VCR, but only some VCRs and you can only record in
MONO.
OS/2
The TV is a little expensive. You have nice color and can change channels
easily, but you only have a few channels in stereo. Most of your
channels are colored like the 60s and some are black and white. You can only
use 2 VCRs, but you can watch 25 channels at the same time
and in stereo. Unfortunately the TV takes up the entire wall.
System 7
This TV only has a small selection of channels, but they are the major
channels. It installs itself, and has the easiest remote. Sometimes a
bad channel will cause the TV to turn off, but it always apologizes and makes a
nice sound when it comes back on. The TV is a little
expensive, but it comes with stereo and a VCR.
Windows NT 3.1
This TV is expensive. Although it is the first TV it is called 3.1 because it
was made by the same people as the Windows 3.1 TV, and can
show some of the same channels--only slower. Unlike OS/2 this TV does not take
up the whole wall, it takes up the whole room. It requires
you to prove who you are before allowing you to watch TV. You can set up
additional TV's around the room which can share this TV's
channels. Only a very few VCRs work with this TV and they only play, you cannot
record.
Chicago
With this TV you do not have to worry about room space or expense because
although people talk about it as if it exists, it doesn't. This
makes this TV a perfect replacement for whatever you are using now, except you
cannot get it now. This TV does everything, but is
inexpensive and small.
NeXTstep
This TV is in its own world. It has a wide perspective tube for watching movies
like in theatres. It has quadrophonic, and surround-sound.
This TV is large, but not as expensive as the Windows NT TV. It shows many of
the UNIX channels, and some other of its own channels in
3D! It is very easy to make shows for this TV.
Taligent
This TV comes in little pieces which can be mixed and matched by the purchaser
to get the TV they want. It does not exist yet as a complete
unit, but you can buy some of the pieces. It does not have a price, but it is
expected to take up a large part of your living room--if not all of it.
The designers explain that by the time you can buy this TV houses will be
bigger, of course that is what the Windows Nt people said too.
Newton OS
This is an itty-bittey TV for your suit pocket. It is easy to use, but it only
gets a few channels. You add channels one at a time through a slot
on the top. Unfortunately you can only have one channel in the slot at a time.
If you want to use the VCR you need to put it into the slot, so
you cannot use the VCR and a channel at the same time. However, you can connect
it to your old TV. This TV is very friendly and an
assistant will help you program the VCR. The designers of this TV have said
that this is the first of a family of TV's, but haven't said more.
This TV has been the butt of a lot of jokes from reporters who were unable to
figure out how to set the time (because they failed to read the
manual or listen to it try and help.)
WorkPlace OS
This is often confused as a TV, but it is actually a TV stand. You can put any
of the TV's on top of this stand, but some of them are a little
too heavy for it to be practical. This stand is not yet available, but the wood
top and the roller wheels have been seen at trade shows. It will
probably be expensive, but may not be very large on its own.
GeoWorks
This is a small black and white TV with some real nice transistors. It only
gets a few channels, but it comes in a variety of boxes. It is
inexpensive and has delusions of superiority. You can watch several shows at
the same time.
Amiga OS
This is a lonely TV and bitter TV. It once looked like it would be the best TV
ever, but the manufacturers thought it was a toaster. It has
done well as a toaster and can play many of the same channels as the other TVs.
People who own this TV tend to be very defensive and very
vocal about it not being a toaster. It has stereo sound, and very nice color.
It works with many VCRs, much to the surprise of the VCR
producers who thought this TV was a toaster. It is good about not turning off
in the middle of a show, and you can watch several shows at
the same time.
