Translation by me... hehe...
Jim Darrough wrote:
>
> > Captain: Is the new fire control Windows OS installed yet Comrade?
Nashi novi operativnaya sistema za kontrol ogna 'Okna' zainstalerobal uzhe?
> > Seaman: Almost Sir. We just need to finish filling out the
> > registration card.
Pochti, gospodin. nuzhno tolo zapolnit' registratsiyu.
> > Captain: Excellent. Soon we will be able to point and click our
> > enemies into oblivian.
Otlichno, skoro mozhem pointerobat' i klikerobat' nashi vragi vo polnoe
unichtozhenije
> > [evil laughter in background]
WEG
> > Seaman: Comrade Captain! It is booting! Look, it says "Preparing to
> > run Windows for the first time".
> > [long pause]
Tovarish' Kapitan!! nachinaetsya!! posmotri, govorit "pripremyu izpolzovat'
'Okna' za pervij raz"
> > Seaman: Arrgh! Sir, it wants me to reboot again. That makes the 27th
> > time.
Chyort!! Gospodin, khochetsya nacinat'cya opyat. Znatchet 27 raz.
> > Captain: Hmmm. This is not encouraging. Go ahead and reboot again.
Hmmm... To ne pojdyot. Davaj eshsho raz.
> > Seaman: Aye Sir.
> > [another long pause]
Tak tochno, Gospodin.
> > Seaman: Captain, it is up again. It says it found new hardware ... A
> > CD-ROM drive and that it needs drivers.
Kapitan, edyot opyat. Skazal to shto nashyol novije schtuki... CD-ROM i to
schto driveri nuzhni.
> > Captain: Where are the drivers?
I gde jest eti driveri?
> > Seaman: On the CD-ROM.
Na CD-ROM.
> > Captain: You are joking, right?
Vi shutitje, da?
> > Seaman: No Sir.
Nyet, gospodin.
> > Captain: Reboot the damn thing again. I am starting not to like this
> > Windows.
> > [another long pause]
perevkluchitje tu durstbu opyat. Ya nachinayu ne ljubit' eti 'Okna'.
> > Seaman: Sir! It is back! It says it found the Gorby2000 Torpedo and is
> > looking for the device drivers. Do we have a driver disk?
Gospodin! rabotaet eshsho! Govorit to schto nachal torpedo 'Gorbi2000' i
ishchit sejchas driveri. U nas jest disk so driveriami?
> > Captain: I do not think so.
Ne dumaju tak.
> > Seaman: I will tell it to use the default drivers.
> > [another long pause]
Ya skazhu potom uzpolzovat' normalnimi driverami.
> > Seaman: Crap. It wants to reboot again.
Yob Tebja? Khochetcya perevkluchit opyat.
> > Captain: How many times are we going to reboot today? This is taking
> > forever. Our hull is going to rust out before this works.
> > [another long pause]
Skolko raz nuzhno to delat' sevogdnya? prodolzhayetsya na vsegda. Ne
budyet nasha lodka to to vremja, kogda vsyo rabotayet.
> > Seaman: Sir! It is up and this time it is not asking for anything!
Gospodin!! Rabotayet i nichevo ne sprosil.
> > Captain: Really? No device drivers? No registration cards? No user
> > profiles?
Neuzhali? Driveri nyetu? Registratsiji nyetu? Profili Nyetu?
> > Seaman: No Sir. I think it is ready.
Nyet, Gospodin, vsyo gotovo.
> > Captain: Good work comrade. Now click on the fire control icon and
> > let us see how this works.
Otlichno, Tovarishch. Klikirobat' na ikon za kontrol ogna i uvidim kak
rabotayet.
> > Seaman: Clicking now, Sir.
Klikiruyu cejchas, Gospodin.
> > [another long pause]
> >
> > Captain: Why does the fire control screen have a dancing paper clip
> > on it?
Pochemy jest tansuyushoje oborudovaniye kabineta na ekranje?
> > Seaman: I have no idea Sir.
Chyort evo znayet, Gospodin.
> > Captain: Hmmm, well try clicking on the menu.
Interesno. potom klikirovat na 'Menu'.
> > Seaman: Aye Sir. Let us see; Open E-mail, Spam a friend, Mail a Virus,
> > Fire a Torpedo.
Tak tochno, Gospodin. posmotrim: otkryt ilectronisticheskuyu pochtu,
poslat' 'spam' k drugu, poslat' virus, puskat' torpedo.
> > Captain: We will spam a friend later. Let us fire a torpedo.
Spam potom. Torpedo sejchas.
> > Seaman: Aye Sir.
Tak tochno Gospodin.
> > [another long pause]
> >
> > Seaman: It is asking us to load the torpedo and to click when ready.
Skaza zaderzhit' i gotovnost' dolozhit'.
> > Captain: Torpedo room, load a torpedo in tube number 1!
Torpedisti!! Zaderzhit' nomer 1 i gotovnost' dolozhit'!!
> > [intercom:] This is the Torpedo room. The torpedo is loaded Sir.
Torpedisti zdjes'. Torpedo zaderzhan.
> > Captain: Click on the continue button.
Klikerobat' na knopku 'prodolzhenje'.
> > Seaman: Aye Sir.
Tak tochno, Gospodin.
> > [another long pause]
> >
> > Seaman: It is asking for a target Sir.
Sprashivayet za tsel', Gospodin.
> > Captain: Hmmm, target the Rainbow Warrior.
Hmmm.... vosmozhno lodka 'Rainbow Warrior'?
> > Seaman: Aye Sir. Damn! It says the torpedo is low on ink.
Tak tochno, Gospodin. Chyort!! govorit to schto b torpedje chernily nyetu.
> > Captain: Click ignore. We will get some ink when we return to base.
Klikovat' na 'ignoriruyu'. Perepolnim na baze.
> > Seaman: Aye Sir. We are ready to fire.
Tak tochno, Gospodin. Gotovi za pusk.
> > Captain: Very good. You may fire when ready comrade.
Otlichno. Ogon!!
> > Seaman: Firing torpedo Sir.
Ogon!!
> > [another really long pause]
> >
> > Captain: Well?
I tak?
> > Seaman: I am trying Sir. Nothing is happening. Wait a minute....
Probuyu, Gospodin. Nichevo ne proizojdyot. Podozhditje nemnozhechku.
> > [a loud explosion is heard in the background followed by screaming on
> > intercom]
> >
> > Captain: WTF was that?!?!?
Yob tebja!! schto eto bylo?
> > Seaman: Captain! A new screen has appeared!
Kapitan!! Novij Ekran pojavilsya.
> > Outlook Express Fire Control has performed an illegal operation and
> > will be shut down.
Outlook Express Ognevij Kontrol cdelano zapreshenuyu operatsiju i
zakonchitsya.
> > Click 'OK' to continue.
Klikirovat' 'OK' schtobi prodolzhat'.
> > Seaman: Oh my God! The paper clip has died! What should I do?
Bozhe!! klippi umyer. Schto delat'?
> > Captain: Shut it down! Shut it down!
Bykluchit'!! Bykluchit'!!
> > Seaman: It is not responding Sir!
Na zapros ne otvechayet, gospodin!!
> > Captain: Try 'CTRL-ALT-DELETE'!
Poprobuj 'CTRL-ALT-DELETE'!!
> > Seaman: Aye Sir. We are in luck! The task manager is still operating.
> > I am instructing the task manager to shut down Outlook Fire Control.
Tak tochno Gospodin. Nam pojdyot. Manedger eshcho rabotayet. Ya skazhu
manedger vykluchit' Outlook Ognevij Kontrol.
> > [another long pause]
> >
> > Seaman: The task manager says that Outlook Fire Control is not
> > responding.
Manedger govorit to schto Outlook Ognevij Kontrol na zapros ne otvechayet.
> > Captain: Well no shit. Tell it to 'end task'.
Ne khuya!! Skazhite 'zakonchit zadachu'.
> > Seaman: Nothing is happening Sir.
Nichevo ne proizhodit, Gospodin.
> > Captain: Try 'CTRL-ALT-DELETE' again.
Poprobuj 'CTRL-ALT-DELETE' eshcho raz.
> > Seaman: Aye Sir.
> > [sounds of frantic pecking on keyboard.]
Tak tochno, Gospodin.
> > Seaman: Oooh! What a pretty blue screen!
Oj Vy!! Takoj krasivij sinnij ekran.
> > Captain: Holy Shit! Not the blue screen of dea....
Govno!! ne sinnij ekran smerti.....
> > [KABLAM! A really big explosion. More screaming and the sound of
> > rushing water.]
> > --------------------------------------------------------
> > The tape ends at this point.
--
I do what the voices on my console
tell me to do.
