PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS

A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked
if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they
ordered. Although
interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

If the Woman Drinks these drinks in a pub ... (not at home)*

Beer:*
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.*

Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella:*
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.*

Mixed drinks-no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda:*
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.*

Water:*
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.*

Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask):*
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.*

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square , Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.*
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no
clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.*

Spirits such as Wild Turkey, Southern Comfort:*
Personality: Watch out, they are unique! A real mixture of
personalities. Love to be laid!
Approach: Talk dirty to them whilst challenging them intellectually – you're
in!*

Cape Velvet*
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.*

Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)*
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait......*

Spirits such as JACK, BEAM:*
Personality: Enjoys male company more than females, loves to party hard
Approach: Keep buying them drinks, they'll think you're a nice bloke
and they are probably trying to work out how to get you to bed!



IF MEN DRINK in a PUB.. (As always, very simple and clear cut.)*

Cider:*
He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.*

Cheap Domestic Beer:*
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.*

Real Ale Beer:*
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.*

Imported Beer:*
He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.*

Guinness:*
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.*

Water:*
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so
that he can still get laid*

Wine*
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image
and help him get laid.*

Vodka or Brandy:*
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.*

Port:*
Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.*

Whisky/Jack Daniels:*
He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will
get in his way of getting laid.*

Jim Beam:*
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine
activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting
laid.*

Rum or Tequila:*
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.*

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square , Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc:*
He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped
change...!!!
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