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Thanks AnonFF, I forget gems like
this existed:
ANNOUNCING! Golden Opportunity
For All
Humankind!
Breakthrough Course Now Being
Offered in the
Straw-Into-Gold Sutra
Recently Revived Ancient Sutra of Spinning Straw Into Gold
Promises Everyone Perfect and Total Knowledge
Maharishi Straw-Into-Gold-Spinning is the latest technique brought to
completion for the benefit of all the world by his Holiness Maharishi
Rumpledeerskin. Masters of this ancient sutra are able to take common
straw and spin it into gold. The sutra, however, is never practiced in the
meaningless pursuit of wealth. No. It is practiced to help the trees grow,
to help swallows return to Capistrano, and to make sure that there is a
parking space for every car in the world.
Studies at major
universities have shown that, when gathered together to spin straw into
gold, Yogic Straw Spinners are able to increase the coherence of iron
filings around a magnet. By maximizing coherence, Yogic Straw Spinners are
able to rearrange swallows, parking spaces, and the atomic nuclei of
straw.
Yogic Straw Spinning is accomplished in three stages. The
first stage is obtained when, through subtle intention, the straw takes on
a tan to yellowish or even golden color. In the second stage, as more and
more coordination is established between the Yogic Spinner's mind and
body, the straw becomes hard and shiny. In the final stage, when the Yogic
Spinner is completely incoherent, the straw is replaced by strands of pure
gold.
Thousands already have taken the Maharishi's course and
have achieved the first stage of Yogic Straw Spinning.
For
a limited time only, Maharishi Rumpledeerskin's Straw-Into-Gold Sutra will
be taught at a Maharishi Rumpledeerskin Center near you for the
introductory price of $5000.
Cash, only. Checks, credit cards, and
straw will not be accepted.
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Page? | � 1998, 2001
Andrew A. Skolnick
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