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--- Begin Message ---This is so funny. After reviewing the existing company policy I came up with the following revision. This is the latest revision to our group Policy effective from July 1st, 2005 >>> >>>Dress Code >>>It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your >>>salary. >>> >>>If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we >>>assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a >>>raise. >>>If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money >>>better, so that you may buy >>>nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. >>>If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and >>>therefore you do not need a >>>raise. >>> >>>Sick Days >>> >We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of >>>sickness. >>>If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to >>>work. >>> >>>Personal Days >>>Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are >>>called Saturday & Sunday. >>> >>>Bereavement Leave >>>This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do >>>for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be >>>made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare >>>cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should >>>be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you >>>to work through your lunch hour and >>>subsequently leave one hour early. >>> >>>Toilet Use >>>Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now >>>a srict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At t! he end of >>>three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll wi ll >>>retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. >>>After your second offense, your >>>picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the >>>"Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture >>>will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. >>> >>>Lunch Break >>>Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, >>>so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes >>>for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average >>>figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all >>>the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. >>> >>>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide >>>a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, >>>comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, >>>aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, >>>contemplations, consternation and input should be directed >>>elsewhere. >>>
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