He should have moved to Bhutan and dispensed with fear of life, and embraced life's daily potential for unexpected death. This would have cured him of his manic depressiveness.
--- In [email protected], "shukra69" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > describes himself as "evangelical" "orthodox" "Catholic" "traditionalist" > Christian": > http://www.shunyata.net/new/home.htm > > > I'm an 18 year veteran of the Transcendental Meditation movement. I > was recruited into this destructive cult in 1974. I'd taken a year off > of college between my junior and senior years. I was dissatisfied with > my major, feeling confused and without clear goals. I decided to work > for a > year, hoping to get my future into sharper focus. One day during my > "sabbatical" from college, I saw a poster with Maharishi's picture on > it, advertising a free introductory lecture on the stress releasing > benefits of Transcendental Meditation. I attended the lecture, > interested to find out if TM could supply a natural way tap into the > mental potential I was convinced I wasn't taking full advantage of. I > was also hoping it would help me relax. > > The teacher was persuasive, using charts and graphs to "prove" > scientifically that TM increased intelligence, reduced stress, and > expanded human potential. This was exactly what I wanted, and I signed > up to learn the technique as soon as possible. > > I experienced immediate benefits from practicing the TM technique. It > relaxed me, sharpened my sensory awareness, improved my memory, and gave > me a deep, contented feeling I'd never experienced in my entire life. I > was hooked! But I remember being disturbed when the series of follow-up > lectures, required for learning the technique, involved being taught a > philosophy that was foreign to me. It was presented as the absolute > truth. Critical questions were answered with pat replies. I had > resistance to this information about cosmic consciousness, states of > enlightenment, etc. but my critical thinking mechanisms had been > weakened because of the profound effect the Transcendental Meditation > technique was having on me. I remember a clear point when my defenses > against it suddenly crashed, and I no longer resisted absorbing the > "knowledge." I'd snapped. > > After practicing the TM technique on my own for 3 years, the TM movement > came out with an advanced technique called the TM Sidhi program, or the > levitation technique. It was the hottest new thing in the movement. > Everyone wanted to learn how to "fly." I was so eager to learn, I quit > my job, packed up all my things, and moved to Fairfield, Iowa, the home > of Maharishi International University (MIU). MIU is an accredited > university, with the TM philosophy forming the basis for every > discipline taught there. They had just started a volunteer staff > program, whereby you would work for a year in exchange for getting the > TM Sidhi program, which cost $3000 at the time. I jumped at the chance! > I realized many years later that I'd been subjected to mind control > techniques from the very beginning of my involvement in TM, but after I > moved to MIU, the thought reform greatly intensified. > > I became so indoctrinated by the TM philosophy that my touch with > reality was sharply severed. I ended up becoming extremely dependent on > the TM community, living there for the next 15 years. What drew me to > the group was a sense of belonging that I'd never experienced any other > time in my life. I had a lifestyle and framework from which to live that > was simple, upbeat, and gave my life a much needed direction. I made > many good friends in Fairfield, was given opportunities to do jobs that > in the real world would have required vocational training which I didn't > have. But in 1984, the positive aspects of my experience in the TM > community began to be overshadowed by the start of a nightmare. It began > with my first mental breakdown -- a psychotic break. I had delusions of > grandeur, I stopped sleeping, and acted inappropriately. I was picked up > by MIU security, and committed to a state mental hospital. What I didn't > realize at the time is that this would be the first of 20 psychiatric > hospitalizations that I would experience while in the TM movement. > > I was diagnosed with manic depressive illness. The psychotic break was > labeled as a manic episode. Then soon after, I began suffering from > clinical depression. I was put on medication, began seeing a counselor, > but continued to experience long bouts of depression and anxiety. I'd > gone into the TM movement full of promise and potential. I'd always > excelled at jobs, and was quickly promoted to management positions. But > for the first time in my life, I was being taken aside and told that I > wasn't being productive enough on the job, and was threatened with > termination if I didn't improve. > > The mood swings continued, and eventually I was being hospitalized every > 3 or 4 months. My self-confidence deteriorated. And it got so bad that > for two years I had suicidal thoughts every single day. I wanted to die, > but I was afraid to kill myself. Eventually I was laid off from my job, > became homeless, finally moving into a seedy hotel room which I rented > by the week. My life had become a shambles -- a distant cry from the > success the TM movement had promised if I meditated twice day, as I had > continued to do. > > I began sleeping during the day, and staying up all night reading. I > read a book on Jim Jones and the Jonestown massacre. This peaked my > interest in cults. I found the book Combatting Cult Mind Control by > Steve Hassan at the local library. As I read through the 8 criteria of a > cult, I broke out in a sweat, fear running through my entire body. I > suddenly realized that TM was a cult, and it struck me between the eyes > that I needed to get out as soon as possible. > > I contacted several of the therapists and exit counselors listed in the > back of the book. They answered my many questions, and reaffirmed my > instinct to leave as soon as possible. I didn't want to lose my window > of clarity, falling back into the cult mindset and losing my nerve to > get out. So I packed up my car with all my belongings and my two dogs, > and drove out of Fairfield for good. I left behind 15 years of > friendships, the only lifestyle I'd known in my adult life, and a belief > system I'd been completely indoctrinated to embrace. Cults condition you > to be phobic about leaving the group. In my case, I was having images of > being in a terrible car accident. I thought I'd be punished by spiritual > forces for betraying Maharishi. > > I moved to another town in Iowa in order to start my new life outside of > the cult. I wasn't prepared for how difficult it would be. I was excited > with my new found freedom. I was learning all over again what it meant > to live in a democracy instead of the totalitarian system I was used to > in the TM community. But I was having extreme problems with dissociation > -- an adverse side effect of all those years of meditation. I had great > difficulty fitting in socially. I made many mistakes, misreading people. > Plus I was naive, and didn't know how to protect myself from people who > would take advantage of me. After 4 months out, I was feeling very > isolated, scared, and confused. Then I had the worst psychotic episode > of my life. > > I got myself to a hospital, terrified because voices inside my head were > telling me to kill myself. I felt compelled to do myself harm, and > instinctively knew I had to get to a place where I would be protected > from myself. The internal struggle was intense, and I believe a direct > result of the confusion and despair I was experiencing as a result of my > readjustment to mainstream society. > > After being released from the hospital, I began doing more reading on > cult recovery. I started seeing a counselor at the mental health center, > hoping for help. She was a wonderful person, but completely > inexperienced with cult recovery. I saw her weekly for over 2 years, > becoming more and more confused and discouraged, feeling there must be > something inherently flawed in me, because the therapy wasn't working. > > Then I came across Dr. Margaret Singer's new book, Cults in Our Midst. I > devoured the chapters on recovery, recognizing myself on every page. She > described my exact symptoms, making me realize I wasn't flawed, and that > I was having a normal reaction to an abnormal cult situation. I knew > then that I had to see a cult recovery specialist. There wasn't a single > one in the state of Iowa, so I decided to do everything in my power to > get to Wellspring, the only residential cult recovery treatment center > in the country. > > I spent three weeks at Wellspring. I'd put on a brave front up until > that point, and didn't realize just how hopeless I'd been until I > finally got the proper help. When I was finally at the retreat, and > surrounded by people who understood the trauma I'd been experiencing, I > realized just how close I'd come to killing myself. Wellspring was a > clear turning point for me. I shudder to think where I'd be in my life > now without it. I received a good balance of individual counseling, > education, techniques to combat the dissociation, and a much needed > rest. I have a very thorough understanding of mind control now, which > has helped me stop blaming myself for what happened to me. I was > tentatively rediagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I'd > suspected for many years that I didn't have true manic depressive > illness. It doesn't occur in my family and I didn't have all the classic > symptoms. > > I learned at Wellspring that psychosis can result from being traumatized > in a cult. Depression is also common among cult victims. Because so > little is known among mental health professionals about cult trauma, > victims are often misdiagnosed with manic depression, schizophrenia, or > some other mental illness. I spent 10 years of my life without getting > the proper help for the abuse I suffered in the TM movement. Getting to > Wellspring was an incredible relief for me because FINALLY I got the > help I needed. > > I'm on a good road now. I have an excellent therapist locally, who is > helping me continue to challenge the cult conditioning. I wish I could > say my life turned around immediately after Wellspring, but it's still a > hard road. I was in the TM movement nearly all of my adult life. It will > take time for me to recover. But I'm less depressed now. I have less > anxiety. I haven't had a single symptom of mania. I've been on > disability benefits for 3 years, having become so debilitated by my cult > experience I could no longer work. I'm now looking for a part-time job, > and feeling more capable of working than I have in years. I still have > difficulty making friends. I developed social phobia after leaving TM > because of the enormous betrayal I felt from my cult experience. I'm > slowly able to spend more time with friends, which is a good sign. > > I feel hopeful about my future, and know that I will recover completely. > I have a great deal of potential, that was thwarted and sidelined by my > time in the cult, but I'm confident now that I will find peace and > happiness in the years to come. To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
