So I'm playing this gig in a Midwestern dive, usual Friday night crowd, couple
of friends, couple of drunks. I'm working through my second set with the usual
shouts from the back for me to play Freebird (I've played here for years and
some drunks STILL don't know what I play and what I don't play!)
A guy walks in wearing, I shit you not, full 10 inch platform heels covered on
the sides with green neon sparkles. Other than that he is dressed normally,
some version of Levi Strauss meets Calvin Kline. I take one look at him, one
look at the crowd who has clocked his arrival as a congregation registering a
loud fart in church. I pull him behind the chicken wire I perform behind(it's
that kind of crowd). Just as he clears the edge of the wire the first bottles
start bouncing off the mesh. He looks a bit shaken so I say to him, "have a
seat on this stool, here's a beer".
(Blue Velvet interlude)
FRANK
(to Jeffrey)
What kinda beer do you like?
JEFFREY
Heineken.
FRANK
FUCK THAT SHIT. PABST BLUE RIBBON!!!
The thing is, I was a version of you around 15 years ago walking into the
newsgroup called Alt Meditation Transcendental to process my own movement
history through in the vitriolic atmosphere of people who were dead set on
discrediting me. What they are good for is to engage you to do the heavy
lifting on your perspective. But you have to be careful how much you let in
because their interest is not friendly. But the work is totally worth it if it
assists your own process of understanding the thing many of us did with
Maharishi's teaching where we let it change us in a fundamental way and then
decided that this was not the way we wanted to function.
Your arc was much higher than mine, but the principle was the same for me. I
had to decide how I was going to think about the states Maharishi's practices
induced for myself, without the overriding "but of course the goal of life is
enlightenment, everybody knows that!"
So there will be many times when you will have had enough and need a break and
decide you have done enough "processing" for a while but I hope you continue to
work on your perspective here. Your piece that laid out the whole soaring tale
of where you have been and where you are now was fascinating to me. I believe
there is more about where you are now that could stimulate some great
conversations here or in emails.
My arc took me solidly into a humanistic perspective and yours seems to have
landed you in some version of theism. For me, if any of the gods showed up at
my gig, I would request that the waiter sat him right in in between the ladies
room door and the kitchen door so that his elbows would be constantly rocked by
the swinging doors until he had had enough and slinked off to spread some more
Guinea worms in African ponds. No love lost there when I sent him packing.
Anyway we have more to discuss if you can stomach the place.
Comments interspersed below.
--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, maskedzebra <no_reply@...> wrote
> RESPONSE: I got intellectually swarmed after starting to post on this blog,
> so after reading this post of yours, I just attempted to fight off all my
> closing-in-for-the-kill critics.
>
> I have never had the experience afforded to me by posting on this blog: the
> kinds of conversations and disputes that erupt spontaneously and
> never-endingly. It has, in a certain way, been quite wonderful for me, as I
> have found myself forced to respond in a multitude of different ways to the
> omnidirectional bullets fired at my head.
>
> I can't even account for my experience exactly; all I know is that, since I
> put down my enlightenment days, I have never had such a necessary
> work-outand not just by my mind. I have found myself forced to draw upon
> everything I have to survive the testing and provocation that has come my way.
>
> I am really quite grateful, especially for being able to get down that
> lengthy post this Sunday. After getting all that business out, I felt: Ah, I
> have explained my heterodox view of enlightenment and Hindu spirituality (as
> taught to my body and soul by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi).
I can so totally relate. I loathed AMT but was drawn to the work and the
effect it had on how I think about everything actually. I'm sure the inner
work could be done in a less antagonistic atmosphere but there is something
strangely compelling in having people's hands at your throat challenging you to
the core that makes you have to hunker down and find out what you are made of.
This place is a huge intellectual resource. I have hammered out a comfortable
relationship with everyone over time so it is so much more relaxed to process
ideas here for me now. I think most posters who generate ideas here can relate.
>
> I am not sure how long I will continue to post here, as my motive is purely
> selfishat least in this sense:
This is true of everyone here I believe.
<I wish to make use of the prickly, abrasive, pungent, agile, and sparkling
minds that I have encountered on this blog. I don't know, but it feels as if,
without necessarily any conscious awareness of this, that as a whole, the
persons who contribute to this blog make up a distinct, unique intellectual
community. I never knew I would be doing so many wind-sprints so soon. I
thought I might come close to puking for a while therebut all in the nice
sensation of the kind of calisthenics which make one's body limber and
flexibleand ready to be jostled as one tries to stay in one's own lane.>
Beautifully said.
>
> The best, most hospitable and exhilarating response has come from yourself. I
> hope I do not do anything to jeopardize this generosity and trust.
Your kindness is much appreciated brother. I sensed a Little Monster had
wandered into our jungle and just wanted to make sure you knew you were not
alone here. We are all bozos on this bus. And although your experience was
so much more extreme than my own, I can relate to more of your process than I
find foreign.
My offer of acceptance here is not a touchy thing that you have to worry about
losing. I relate to you as a fellow artist. We are supposed to be dramatic
and that is what makes us interesting to like minded people and anathema to
people to people who ask the question :"Why does Gaga have to wear so many
hats?"
>
> I haven't tried Mario's recipes, but I like Jimmy Fallon a lot, and JF is
> effusive in his love for MBwho is manifestly loveable.>
Cooking is a whole other subject I am obsessed with, but my development as a
cook almost parallels my perspectives on consciousness. In a nutshell, I
started cooking complicated curries from India and Thailand and spent years
chasing their esoteric ingredients around. I looked at the simple (I thought)
cuisines of Italy with disdain. It was Mario who turned me on to the fact that
this cuisine, in all its micro-region variations, was all about sourcing your
products so thoroughly that you knew what the sheep ate who produced your
Pecorino (they need herbs in the grasses) and what your pigs ate who become
your prosciutto (nuts and acorns) and what your chickens eat who produce your
eggs (they have to eat bugs or the yolk is pale yellow and has no flavor).
When you source your foods this way they stand alone and don't need the fussing
of a French cook to cover it in a complex sauce made of other flavors. You
just deglaze the pan you cooked it in with a little wine and pour its own
essence on top of itself, finishing with the freshest fruitiest first pressed
olive oil you can get your hands on. It was an approach to food so liberating
that its message has spread throughout my life.
Simple, but the best in all things.
>
> If we do ever meet, I know it will be fast, intense, and break-down funny.>
I have a few offline friendships with people here through technology but not in
person. I would be up for a Skype talk. I agree that hilarity would ensue.
But the written word is so good at allowing for high bandwidth communication
where we get a chance to be a bit conversationally selfish for a moment and
that has its own value doesn't it?
>
> Meanwhile, you can be sure I have profited from your counsel regarding what
> goes on around here (i.e. the character of and the characters on, this blog).
>
> And the orientation I should have to make the most of the privilege of
> posting here.
Well I am not a poster child for anything other than that FFL is a useful tool
for processing stuff that most of the world didn't share with us. We each have
our perspectives to iron out and it is nice to at least have a place where you
don't have to explain what it was like to be around Maharishi. Even though we
all have wildly varying degrees of exposure and perspectives.
I am appreciative that you took my unsolicited advice in the spirit it was
offered, and not as some meddling know-it-all minding your business here!
>
> (By the way, I had no idea there was 50 post limit, and I thank the powers
> that be for making an exception for this "newbie"that is, in not meting out
> the one week banishment.)
It is kind of impressive that you were dogged into writing over 50 posts! That
is the part of the antagonism that I find useful sometimes. It gets you off
your butt and writing. But one thing I have learned through the years, you are
not going to get your perspective through to those whose objective is to put
you down. You have to use those posts as a backboard to practice your strokes
but you can't expect them to reflect what you are trying to convey. That takes
a different orientation than they are offering you. But there are a few people
here who genuinely do want to understand where you are coming from and I am one
of them.
>
> The only thing I will never agree to, is to try to get Enlightened once again.
I can relate but on a lower scale perhaps. I got as enlightened up as I needed
to with Maharishi to understand that was not the direction I wanted to go in. I
am happier now although my new working thoery is that what I was desiring from
enlightenment in my 20's is just what happens to you when you grow into your
50's. (without the fireworks)
>
> What a loss you must have been for the Movement.
>
> They're still grieving.
One thing I am sure of, they are gnashing their teeth if they are reading that!
When I left the movement I spoke to the press about my perspective on
Maharishi and his teaching, which as you know is the ultimate PR betrayal. I
thought I knew from movement shit-storms but it was nothing compared to the
Icarus wings you flew on!
>
>
>
> --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "curtisdeltablues" <curtisdeltablues@>
> wrote:
> >
> > -- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, maskedzebra <no_reply@> wrote:
> > >
> > > LOVE IT! THANKS. GOT MY ATTENTION. You prove my pet theory: when a
> > > person's first person perspective comesunwittingly,
> > > adventitiouslythrough their so-called attempts at a third person
> > > perspective (e.g. what you are telling me here) and what you get is
> > > strong and healthythen time to: BECOME ALERT.
> > >
> > > I am, via your post, alerted to the contingent solipsistic tendency in
> > > meI have never shaken this since I was a small child. But you are the
> > > first person on this blog to convince me I should be aware of the need to
> > > mortify this temptation whenever my putative enlightenment is undergoing
> > > a vivisection.
> >
> > It kind of comes with the territory of discussing your experience doesn't
> > it? I wasn't suggesting that you were more that way than I would be if I
> > were doing the same. It wasn't as pointed as that. I was speculating on
> > why Turq's reaction was different than my own in relating to you here. I
> > could understand why he went that way, but for me it is not how I believe I
> > will get the most from our interaction. I would never take part in a
> > vivisection of someone's important inner life. (well that doesn't mean I
> > can NEVER come off like an asshole here!) We all have to set our own
> > boundaries for discussions here. It is easy to be kind of flip and mean
> > with things other people cherish. I mean if you came back and said blues
> > is repetitive crap played by people who never mastered the guitar, I really
> > wouldn't care, even though I like it so much. As the Roman's say, there is
> > not accounting for taste. But no matter how much the blues is my life, it
> > is never my identity so I don't personalize someone's different musical
> > taste as a statement about me. It is about them. And it does tell me
> > something about the person.
> >
> > But when dealing with the identity level experiences in Maharishi's
> > programs or other spiritual experiences, we don't have that separation
> > usually. Although I think it is intellectually healthy to develop that
> > ability.
> >
> > >
> > > Will try to maintain some credibility on this blog, as I have already
> > > learned a lot (e.g. CDB on the blues). You'll keep me honest, Curtis. No
> > > doubt about THAT.
> > >
> > > So, as GWB said: Bring it on.
> >
> > I took some time to connect with you on an emotional level first so we
> > could see each other through the kinder lens of rapport. I cherish my
> > skepticism about all things spiritual, but I don't want to be a dick about
> > it. I want to relate to people here as if we have already had our first
> > beer and found out we both love Mario Batali's regional Italian cooking
> > show. (Do you get him up there, he is my Italian cooking guru from the food
> > network.)
> >
> > >
> > > I am aware that the Mission is NOT Accomplished (mission = perfect
> > > self-knowledge, perfect disinterestedness, perfect understanding).
> >
> > Acknowledgement of being human is always a good start. Frankly if you said
> > anything else I would become instantly bored.
> >
> > < It's just that I can only respond meaningfully to criticism which stands
> > apart in its merit from the motives of my critic.>
> >
> > Although you have gotten some posts that have been critical, nobody knows
> > you here really. I personally don't think you deserve criticism for
> > sharing your perspective here. You are understandably sensitive to some
> > harshness coming your way. But there are a lot of responses that come from
> > a more accepting place, Whynotnow and Rick for two examples. And Vaj
> > should have some more interesting comments on how your experiences fit into
> > the Vedic tradition. I'm sure I am missing others.
> >
> > But I doubt you will find me a "critic" here. We already have a friendly
> > connection. I am not interested in squandering that potential for
> > communication on trying to be more "right" about something than you are.
> > Let's just explore where we draw our different lines of reality and assume
> > that the other person has good reasons for the lines they have drawn. I am
> > a fan of the concepts around maintaining healthy emotional and intellectual
> > boundaries. You don't have to share my perspective for me to try to
> > understand yours, and vise versa. It is only if we can acknowledge and be
> > cool with the differences that we have a chance of expanding our views.
> >
> > >
> > > It's going to be fun, Curtis. I appreciate the warning and the hidden
> > > admonition.
> >
> > I'm not sure that was my intention but OK. You got outside yourself
> > completely in our discussion of the blues, letting me spread my little
> > wings and fly. Much appreciated.
> >
> > >
> > > But don't you DARE question the truth of my enlightenment, OK?>
> >
> > I don't question that you had a shift of your internal state that was
> > radical enough for you to associate it with the terms Maharishi used for
> > higher states. My experience of the term is based on my own experiences
> > with his programs, so we may differ on what we mean by the term
> > "enlightenment". I'm not sure how clear Maharishi himself was on the
> > concept of it or what he was experiencing. I am interested to understand
> > the reasons you came to that conclusion, and whether or not there were
> > reasons that would be compelling to someone else, like me.
> >
> > In other words we will never have this kind of non discussion:
> >
> > You: I experienced Unity Consciousness.
> >
> > Me: Hell you did! I got yer Unity right heagh. (makes obscene crotch
> > grabbing gesture popular among young men in Brooklyn NY.)
> >
> > You: I am a mighty Orc, and will crush your head with my club.
> >
> > Me: I am too swift with my poison elfish arrows and you will fall like a
> > tree under the rain of the swift deadly shafts I will unleash on you.
> >
> > Wait a second, I need to amend that a bit. I will never have the first two
> > lines of that dialogue, the second two are too good to take off that table
> > at this early time!
> >
> > >
> > > That's where we part company. Just be as flattering, fawning, and
> > > sycophantic as you can.>
> > >
> > > When it comes to my beautiful achievement of Unity Consciousness.>
> >
> > I can do better than the boring F F and S program. I can deliver genuine
> > interest in what you experienced sprinkled with questions about details
> > that will prompt you to write more. The topic of what you experienced and
> > why you have come to the conclusions you have about it, interest me.
> >
> > >
> > > I'd like to be taken somewhere through writing on this blog.
> >
> > I find people who inspire you to write here to be a real resource. It is
> > one of the few places where such discussion can take place. It is as
> > imperfect as we all are compounded by the shitty drizzle of rain that
> > obscures communication devoid of visual cues. But your way of explicitly
> > creating rapport bonds cuts through a lot of that for me.
> >
> > >
> > > So keep delivering, Curtis baby.
> > >
> > > You STF have so far.
> >
> > Back atcha brother!
>
>
> RESPONSE: I got intellectually swarmed after starting to post on this blog,
> so after reading this post of yours, I just attempted to fight off all my
> closing-in-for-the-kill critics.
>
> I have never had the experience afforded to me by posting on this blog: the
> kinds of conversations and disputes that erupt spontaneously and
> never-endingly. It has, in a certain way, been quite wonderful for me, as I
> have found myself forced to respond in a multitude of different ways to the
> omnidirectional bullets fired at my head.
>
> I can't even account for my experience exactly; all I know is that, since I
> put down my enlightenment days, I have never had such a necessary
> work-outand not just by my mind. I have found myself forced to draw upon
> everything I have to survive the testing and provocation that has come my way.
>
> I am really quite grateful, especially for being able to get down that
> lengthy post this Sunday. After getting all that business out, I felt: Ah, I
> have explained my heterodox view of enlightenment and Hindu spirituality (as
> taught to my body and soul by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi).
>
> I am not sure how long I will continue to post here, as my motive is purely
> selfishat least in this sense: I wish to make use of the prickly, abrasive,
> pungent, agile, and sparkling minds that I have encountered on this blog. I
> don't know, but it feels as if, without necessarily any conscious awareness
> of this, that as a whole, the persons who contribute to this blog make up a
> distinct, unique intellectual community. I never knew I would be doing so
> many wind-sprints so soon. I thought I might come close to puking for a while
> therebut all in the nice sensation of the kind of calisthenics which make
> one's body limber and flexibleand ready to be jostled as one tries to stay
> in one's own lane.
>
> The best, most hospitable and exhilarating response has come from yourself. I
> hope I do not do anything to jeopardize this generosity and trust.
>
> I haven't tried Mario's recipes, but I like Jimmy Fallon a lot, and JF is
> effusive in his love for MBwho is manifestly loveable.
>
> If we do ever meet, I know it will be fast, intense, and break-down funny.
>
> Meanwhile, you can be sure I have profited from your counsel regarding what
> goes on around here (i.e. the character of and the characters on, this blog).
>
> And the orientation I should have to make the most of the privilege of
> posting here.
>
> (By the way, I had no idea there was 50 post limit, and I thank the powers
> that be for making an exception for this "newbie"that is, in not meting out
> the one week banishment.)
>
> The only thing I will never agree to, is to try to get Enlightened once again.
>
> What a loss you must have been for the Movement.
>
> They're still grieving.
>
