I have a number of things I'd be glad to share with you that could help in this difficult time.
One is simply an audio series on death and dying from the lama who wrote _The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying_, Sogyal Rinpoche. It not only helps give perspective and solace, but explains dying and living. I also had a video piece on my download site called "Wisdom has no fear of death". It's Ram Das' advice on death and dying based on his personal work with the death transition. I have shared this video with many people and all have found it very helpful. I can upload this again if you do not have a copy. I have worked with numerous dying people, I am sure you are well aware there are practices to help in the death process--indeed they can enable one to attain enlightenment at the moment of death. I'm sure there is someone in your area who could perform this if it interests you. Please feel free to contact me offlist if there's anything I can do to help. On Aug 16, 2005, at 9:00 AM, sparaig wrote: > --- In [email protected], "authfriend" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > wrote: >> --- In [email protected], "sparaig" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > wrote: >>> --- In [email protected], "authfriend" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >> wrote: >>>> --- In [email protected], "sparaig" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >> wrote: >>>> <snip> >>>>> Might be. Very stressful times right now and my ability to > read >> is >>>>> not where it usually is. >>>> >>>> Sorry to hear. Sending positive thoughts your way. >>> >>> Thanks. I BELIEVE that I'm doing better than my brother, who is > the >>> official caretaker of my mother currently. He's going completely >>> bonkers, IMHO. >> >> There should be support systems available, if you >> can get him to avail himself of them. On the Web, >> if not accessible within the community. Is this in >> Tucson? > > We've hired a in-home hospice service... > >> >> I'm going through somewhat the same thing with my >> sister taking care of *our* mother. She thinks she >> ought to be able to do it without help. I don't >> understand that mindset. If it were me, I'd take >> all the help I could get. > > Everyone in the family is helping out. My brother believes in "right > to die" a tad too strongly is all. Withholding cancer treatment > because she's 89, has extremely advanced cancer that we only learned > about a few days ago and an unknown number of hours or months to live > is one thing. Withholding medicine that regularizes her heart because > you don't want to prolong her life is another. The hospice nurse in > charge of our case, the hospice physician, my mother's doctor, his > girlfriend, my ex, AND I have all told him that that kind of med > doesn't really prolong life, but only keeps her heart beating more > regularly so she'll be less anxious and probably less confused has > just gone right past him. > > He's in charge of her medical treatment and she gets nothing but what > he says. For a few days he was only letting her have pain meds. He > finally learned that one of those other pills was a laxitive and > started giving it to her. Since she went into the hospital with > breathing difficulties (they thought she had pnuemonia but found out > 3 liters of liquid were *outside* her lung which had completely > collapsed by the time we brought her in -she doesn't have lung > cancer, BTW --this is just a side effect of her abdominal cancer), > she hasn't had any prunes or any other natural laxitive. I'm not sure > she has had a bowell movement since her collapse. > > A few days ago, i found myself standing barefoot in her piss, while > putting her screaming in the porta-potty next to her bed. Great fun. > Yesterday my ex and I were trying to pry a turd from her ass so we > could put her back to bed. Even more fun. Enemas will probably be > given today if she survives long enough. > > Last night I peeked in and found she'd taken off her O2 nose-piece > and all her clothes. Tried to get her to drink something. She nodded > slightly and put the straw in her mouth but I don't think she drank > anything. My brother tried and says she drank something but who > knows? We didn't try to get her dressed and just covered her up and > left her alone. She dozes or doesn't doze regardless of who is in the > room now. Doesn't really notice anyone much any more. > > > As I said, I'm doing much better than my brother. At least I have > some way of relaxing and i've been on prozac for a few years anyway. > He's just withering while I watch, and making more and more stupid > mistakes in the family business as she gets worse. > > *I* managed to pass my japanese class in this middle of her final > collapse (after four tries for this level) though I had to take the > oral final over the phone because I couldn't stand the cheerful mood > of the rest of the class. Couldn't get my partner on the phone and > had to go to class and make my excuses directly after spending much > of the night in the ER. Even more great fun. > > I would like to ask all the "awakened ones" on this group about how > many have had similar "stories" in their lives, and how many were > already awake when they happened? How's your bliss while standing in > your mother's piss while putting her on the pot? > > > > > > To subscribe, send a message to: > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > Or go to: > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ > and click 'Join This Group!' > Yahoo! Groups Links > > > > > > ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Get fast access to your favorite Yahoo! Groups. Make Yahoo! your home page http://us.click.yahoo.com/dpRU5A/wUILAA/yQLSAA/JjtolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
