[ The following is a cognition on my part, a "revealed truth" conveyed to me psychically following a particularly deep morning meditation and a good cup of coffee at a local cafe. As such it should be regarded the same way ALL purported "cognitions" or "revealed truths" should be regarded -- as fiction. Attempts to construe it as more than humorous fiction should be laughed at as the Drama Queenery they are. - Turq ]
DUTIES OF A FAITHFUL MINION ON FAIRFIELD LIFE by Judy Stein This message, conveyed in all humility to my faithful minions on FFL, should be considered a set of guidelines as to what your duties *as* a minion consist of. It is not an exhaustive list, and I may later berate you publicly if you fail to adhere to other unstated duties, but these are pretty much the baseline. If you wish to remain a Minion In Good Standing, you *have* to adhere to the following guidelines: 1. Your primary duty is to, every time you notice that the main topics of discussion on FFL have strayed away from The Topic, to reintroduce it, and thus restore balance to the universe. 2. The Topic, of course, is criticism of Barry, Curtis, Vaj, Sal, or other designated sinners on my Enemies List. DO NOT ALLOW conversations on FFL to stray for very long into other areas, such as <spit> enlightenment, meditation, compassion, or other things that some would have you believe are "spiritual." The ONLY viable topic on the forum should be The Topic. 3. Your purpose as a minion is to keep The Topic alive here, *so that I don't have to be perceived as the only one doing so*. 4. The way this works (as revealed to me by the Laws Of Nature, of which I am a direct channel) is that if criticisms of Barry, Curtis, Vaj, Sal and other Enemies die down or are allowed to wane, Nature will be really upset. Real wrath of God stuff. We (you) cannot allow this to happen, and risk an apocalyptic meltdown. 5. Naturally I, as your leader, will do everything I can to restart The Topic myself. But it is important that I not be perceived as the *only* person doing this, because people might begin to think of me as possessed or obsessive, instead of the humble representative of Cosmic Truth I am. Therefore I count on you to be my shills, and pre-criticize these evildoers for me. Then I can "pile on" to what you say, and pretend that I am merely replying to an argument that someone else has started, and that I am not the instigator of the argument. 6. Acceptable subcategories of The Topic that you should reintroduce from time to time are discussions of Robin, Ravi, Jim, Bob Price, and any incident I've made a Big Deal of in the past in order to invoke the holy deities of Drama Queenery and associate them with the primary focus of The Topic -- Barry, Curtis, Vaj, and Sal and how evil they are. 7. It is NOT necessary for you to call Barry, Curtis, Vaj, Sal and other Enemies "liars" or "misogynists" or "bullies" or all the other things we know that they are; I will do that. And frankly, I don't trust you to diss them all that much. You're not all that smart; leave the heavy lifting to me. Your job is just to bring The Topic up again -- if possible several times every week -- so that I can then chime in and rag on these Enemies, delivering some devastating zinger to "get" them, while pretending that it wasn't me who restarted the argument. I hope we're clear on this. Now get back to work. :-)
