--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Duveyoung wrote: snip > And what next? I continue reading Advaita. I continue looking at science and seeing ever deeper metaphors for spiritual concepts. I do relate to this.
And I divert my brain from vicious cycles with the few entertainments I've discovered that have that power: trikking, writing, etc. can keep my brain busy enough to bat away all the shame -- at least for a while. I remember you saying that Trikking saved your life. I live in a good neighborhood for Trikking. Curvelinear streets it's called. (an historic neighborhood) with a 1.2 mile route around. I need to get on an exercise routine. And really, the neighbors would love to see a new contraction. > I do have a theory about reincarnation that gives the ego some relief that "it might have more lifetimes to get saintly," but truth be told, never being a person again and having no individuality in the ocean of being sounds like the winning lottery ticket to me. Maybe that is how it ultimately ends up. But even those who are said to have acheived enlightenment appear to be put to work on other chores helping mankind, from what I understand.The plight of "Edg" and how he ends up in the future is not "something with great appeal" -- not especially a hot ticket at the local IMAX. > > And too, I'm trying to embrace the mysterium. Trying to calm the ego down and enjoy, bronco style, the ride on the wild ape through the time-jungle. Trying to be jiggy with all the smallness of me. Relaxing into laughter about how itty-bitty petty I am and yet how vast is the underpinning of everything that everyone ends up being. I'm not a saint, nor are most folks, but yet we do the things that seemingly divine puppet strings have us do. Each jerked limb also being a butterfly wing flapping its presence, causing hurricanes divinely ordained that we'll never know. I think we can relate to that. For me it is letting go of expectations, and dealing with what is at hand. Funny little story. After nineteen years, my son finally said he might want to read one of my books. So yesterday I gave him "Initiation" by Elizibeth Haich, before he goes back to school tomorrow. But I have no expectation that he will read it. I hope he does, but I've let go of any expectation. Or at least I think I have. Thanks for your reply. One thing you don't see much of here, are noticeable changes in people. I don't think we can say that this is the case with you. And of course, I mean that as a compliment. > Edg > > > > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Duveyoung wrote: > > snip > > > > And, then, when my faith-bubble in TM finally burst, on exiting the > > > TMO, what did I do? > > > > > > Yep, I went to about a dozen more seers, readers, jyotishis, healers, > > > psychics, and got all my alien implants removed, got my unlucky > > > numbers to avoid, got my suggested list of yaygas to have done, got a > > > Philippine doctor to take bloody raw clumps of meat out of my body, > > > got some minister from the Sanctuary of the Om to whisper sounds into > > > my ear, got some psychic nurse to scan my family for cancer, (she > > > missed: my son had cancer during the time of seeing her, but all she > > > did was tell us that we needed to eat red meat,) and then toss in your > > > assorted Reiki treatments, chiropractic treatments from FF's > > > enlightened docs who charged $45 a treatment instead of the going rate > > > of $20 everywhere else, and, oh, my face is too red to continue this > > > listing. > > > > > > Spent about $12,000 doing this "exit plan." That was my patterns -- > > > that had been honed and wired by me investing in the TMO -- refusing > > > to give up the identification I'd pumped into them, ya see? So many > > > mystic urges had to be separately extinguished by having each one used > > > until clarity dawned and the ruse was revealed. > > > > > > Am I free? Phihhh, that's the lesson, see? One is never free if one > > > is investing identification into ANYTHING. > > > > > > As long as you're splashing sentience everywhere like it was coming > > > out of a fire hose, well, any charlatan can figure a way under your > > > radar, and blammo, you're back to paying someone to make shit up about > > > you. > > > > > > It cost so much. I paid so much. > > > > > > The time, the money, the failed investments, the shame, the pain of > > > the pulling myself roots-and-all out of the FF community where I knew > > > a thousand people by name and face, the cost, the cost. > > > > > > Yet, who will take the least advice about this from me? > > > > > > That's the tell, ya see? We're all winging it and intuitively know > > > that there are no real experts about what goes on inside one's robot. > > > > > > Gotta laugh. Consider this: > > > > > > I'm sorta like the guy who's entered 30 spelling bees and gotten > > > tossed on the first word every time -- so who's going to come to me > > > for spelling advice even with such a deep involvement in spelling bees? > > > > > > Fuck, I'm not even an expert on how to be a loser. > > > > > > Anyone got a spare Xanax? > > Edg, thank you again for this, four years later. > > I can't help but think though, Edg, that you've arrived at a pretty good place. So, was that because of? Inspite of? >
