Ann, I was of course joking about totally restored as I was never unrestored, grin. And I'm glad we're having this exchange.
It sounds like you're saying that in his psychological rape comment to Curtis about you, Robin was being both ironic and straight forward. Perhaps it's easier to deal with such a communication style when one has known the person, well, in person. And when one is not emotionally upset and overwhelmed. Having read it probably many years prior, my initial use of the phrase psychological rape was spontaneous, said in a moment of upset and yet felt spot on. This was later validated for me by Lord Knows and the Howells who have also attested to the long lasting harm of such encounters even though they are not physical rapesuch as you describe below. Yes, it's true that Robin apologized. As did I, in the very next sentence of my original upsetting post. And I said I was willing to work things out. But he rejected both the apology and the offer. And he continued to deliver apologies that were obscured by both over analyzing and blaming me. Plus he wasn't willing to work it out offline. Anyway, I think we both made errors in the handling of a very emotional situation. Yes, I agree that people attribute thoughts and feelings to others a lot here. I think it feels invasive with Robin because of several factors: he often does the attributing subtly and indirectly; he does it a lot; and last but not least, he does it with such unquestioned certainty. Plus he often sounds like he feels justified or even called to do it. The only other poster who sounds similar is Judy. Yes, I agree that both the Sept 6 upset and the psychological rape upset have been blown out of proportion. But the blowers were many! I'm sorry for the loss of your sister and in such a horrible way. It must have been devastating for your whole family, especially your Mom. I'm pretty sure I've accepted my own part in all this. And that I'm sensible enough to attend appropriately to what, as you say, others might currently be up to. Otherwise there might be another psychological rape! Now of course I can see it coming and move out of harm's way. I very much regret a creepy cult leader comment I made to Robin. I was very upset by his insensitive response to something especially nasty RD had written. In the beginning Robin appeared so invulnerable. But I've come to realize that he is just like the rest of us in being subject to the conditions inside his own skull. I really really wish he did not have to suffer for 26 years to deconstruct his hallucinatory Unity. There is, in the archives, I believe in January 2011, a sweet poem from merudanda expressing the idea that Robin came to FFL for healing. So I wasn't the first person here to wish that for him. And I will continue to wish it. ________________________________ From: Ann <awoelfleba...@yahoo.com> To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com Sent: Saturday, April 20, 2013 9:11 PM Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Post Count Sat 20-Apr-13 00:15:02 UTC --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Share Long <sharelong60@...> wrote: > > Ann, I've been working on this during Saturday morning, as I can. I do read > your posts. Sometimes I skim longer posts no matter who the poster is. > Anyway, I especially chortled at your quip about my fat ball working so good > that you're calling it my mind. And my faith in humanity etc. was totally > restored by your recent posts to Steve and your humorous but unmalicious > comments to various peeps "Totally restored", well that is no small thing. Imagine. But, did I also make you totally lose your "faith in humanity"? At any rate, I am glad you are feeling better about the human race and about me. . Plus the wonderful exchange between you and Xeno. Yes, that was a good exercise for me and with someone who I find is without intent to smack you down while interacting. That can be a nice reprieve around here sometimes. > > Now, about past posts as you discuss below, what to say? I think you also > made some good points and were IMO writing in a balanced way which I > appreciate a lot.    > > > But perhaps we should cut to the chase about my accusing Robin of > psychological rape. BTW, did you notice that in a recent exchange with > Curtis Robin himself used that term in relation to you? But maybe he was > being ironic. I often can't tell. I just looked that paragraph up and he was being ironic but he was also giving a nod, a quiet acknowledgment of what he knows I went through, what many went through and consequently (my reading) what he has gone through. I do not think Robin is under any delusions about the power of what many experienced during their time 25-35 years ago that was often hurtful and even damaging. It is a complex subject Share, and a personal one. > > And did you see where Judy said to Steve that sometimes Robin pushes people > so that they become more interesting to interact with? With reference to > that, I would say that psychological > rape > is pushing WAY too much. Well it would be if something WAS actually psychological rape. Just for one minute let me explore, on the spot, what I would define psychological rape to mean. Physical rape is the violation of a person's (man or woman as rape victim) body, in particular the sexual organs of one or more people are forced upon another unwilling to engage sexually with the violator. During a rape there is penetration and often violence in the form of bruising, cutting, bleeding. The rape victim is traumatized and brutalized and often carries these psychological and perhaps physical scars with them their entire lives from that moment on. So, let's see if we can figure out the equivalent scenario with psychological rape. Right off the bat, I am having trouble being able to call almost anything "rape" when it comes to the mind. I think one can be manipulated, brainwashed, undermined to the point of panic and loss of self worth. Someone can say an infinite amount of things to us that can generate an almost infinite amount of reactions in us. Can they "rape our minds"? I guess if we let them "in" they could. There are certainly lots of people with terrible intentions who love the idea of disturbing the psychology of another. But here is the thing, physically we can be overpowered but mentally? No one can force their way into your mind, at least not in the same way as they can your body. But, of course, it can come down to semantics here and one could definitely make an argument for a psychological rape having happened to them. But it would have to be more than just, "He raped my psychologically." But, you have explained what you meant in the next paragraph:  And as I said last > year, what I meant by psychological rape is that Robin continually and > without equivocation, attributed thoughts and feelings to me that I wasn't > having. That's still how I define psychological rape and I still think > Robin was doing that then. Ohhhh. Well, I am not sure that "penetration" actually occurred then. I mean, people do this here all the time Share. You and I could look at just the posts today and attribute the same thing happening in over half of them. We are always projecting on each other what we think others intentions and feelings are/were when we read and respond to something they say. I dare say Robin WAS attributing thoughts or feeliings he perceived you might have been having at certain times. But I also believe the time in question was something to do with some Russian flash mob thing and you took exception to something he said but then he apologized and explained what he meant. You have to admit, you won't find too many rapists doing THAT. I think in the interest of moving past this, and the only way to do this is to be truthful and honest to yourself (at least), is what? Perhaps to be willing to retract or admit where maybe it got blown way out of proportion? I am not sure Share because you have to do what only you know to be right if, in fact, you do anything at all. But I do know, and I know you do too (oops, attributing), that you have to do or say or think what you can best determine is the most "right" for you , right now. > > OTOH I wish I hadn't got so upset with him then and also on Sept 6. Interesting day for me, September 6. That is the day my sister drowned over 27 years ago.  I also wish that he had acted differently. I also wish that Judy had acted differently, and you and Emily and Ravi and RD. What did we do? Perhaps life/people were merely acting as a kind of echo chamber or sounding board or created a sort of instantaneous feedback mechanism. Not that I mean any of the people you mentioned were necessarily right but just that they DID respond and you can use that kind of thing to figure things out. Think of it as one of those hard-to-take life lessons. Again, not that these people necessarily meant to give you a lesson but whatever happened, happened and you can run with it and get something positive from it.  I now realize that we were all doing the best that we could. And I think you and Emily and I would act differently now because I've seen us do just that. I definitely don't think Judy would act differently. And I'm not sure if Robin would act differently. Well, I think here you are looking around at an awful lot of people when all you really need to be looking at is yourself. Everybody else has their own challenges, problems, things to keep them busy in this rather interesting life. Keep it focused where it needs to be. You can't control anyone else and I think it is hard enough to figure out what you want to do, just for yourself, let alone worrying about what others are getting up to or learning from some event. > > Questions: what do YOU think I should do at this point, especially given > what you and Robin think about my apologies? And do you think any attempt > at reconciliation should be done online or offline? I think life is a process. I think you have to do what you know, in your heart and gut, to be right. At this point it may well be nothing. But I do know that there is a perfect answer out there and I am not the one to be able to give it to you. Reconciliation is a good thing. Empty apologies are not. Reconciliation is only possible if you had to travel somewhere to reach those really important places in yourself that would allow you to move past where you are now - somewhere new and probably unknown. I think the fact that you made this post is a great indication of a willingness to take all the crazy, interesting, volatile feedback we experience at FFL and make something delicious out of it - like fresh sourdough bread for instance. > Share   > > Part of what Ann wrote in thread called parsing a la FFL archives: > I agree that posts are a snapshot in time of a moment, an opinion, a > reaction, an interaction, belief or emotion or a combination of the > above. A post was/could be valid for whoever wrote it at the time they > were writing. Posts are not something that need to haunt, condemn or > limit us as human beings. We can change our minds, our views; our > emotions come and go (as you state below). I think what I object to on > occasion, and this applies generally, is when someone fails to admit > that they did say something or were feeling a certain way as clearly > evidenced by their thoughts in words in their writing. One can regret > having written something or they can explain it or they can admit > certain things or they can fight like crazy to try and make it seem like > the post was somehow 'lying'. I am someone who likes others to be > truthful about their motives or their opinions and to admit if these > have changed or were, in fact, what they appeared to be at the time of > their posting. If there was a misunderstanding between posters then work > it out. I think 25% of what become arguments here are based on > misunderstandings and not some malevolent intention by members here. > snip > I think Judy has a very clear and analytical mind. I would want her on > my side if it came down to a court of law and I was on trial. But I > don't think Judy believes Robin to have been "helpless victim" in your > interaction.
