I really feel for you, Edg - Those are some tough times you describe, and a lot of damaged dreams.
I, too, went through my period of fundamentalism, where if I did all the right things, the result would be inevitable satisfaction, fulfillment, and endless bliss, like a mathematical formula. Our ego gets into this stuff, and makes it all seem like a simple prescription. But that is a lie - It is a lie, because we aren't simple. We are all infinite, and no matter how much someone else promises that they can deliver the infinite, to us, they cannot. I had a very full life before I learned TM, at 21. So, when I got deeper into it, and worked for the TMO and considered very seriously going on TTC, I also checked in with myself, a reality check, to see if what I was led to believe, matched with my reality (in the TMO). After awhile, it didn't, and I began finding my own way in the world, got married, career off the ground, daughter born. I continued to do TM and TMSP, though my aim from then on, was to integrate fully whatever I was learning from my practice, without having a satellite TMO office to run off to, or any need to reinforce the TMO culture in my daily life. That is the way it has been ever since, and my experience is that the more life opens up, the more that all that I have learned through TM is just a beautiful piece of that, private and unique, no more, and no less. Once it sorts itself out, it stops being a big deal, and just blends in. All the Best. ---In [email protected], <[email protected]> wrote : I went to at least ten different jyotish "experts." Not a single one predicted my future or knew stuff about me from my past. I went to Gandhi, "Maharishi's astrologer," when it was still allowed. Guy read my palm too! GAWD. Then there I consulted with about ten ofl the FF folks who jumped on the jyotish bandwagon. Not saying jyotish doesn't work -- just saying I never had anyone show me it does. I did my jyotish diary for five years -- actually assigned numbers to various qualities of life -- on a daily basis, I was rating my sex life, my finances, my dreams, my food, my sleep....about a dozen attributes.....and then I tried to find correlations with the charts........never could get zilch for a correlation. Ya'd have thunk I would have somehow unconsciously arranged to make my life fit the stars better. You know, I should have wrote more poetry when Mercury was strong in the chart...and then point to it as if it had naturally occurred. Nope -- I didn't even have a placebo cheating thingie going on. I wore the Vedic gems....all that. I went to three different PhDs in psychology -- one of them was pretty good and knocked my socks off with insights, but not a thing changed in my usually M.O. But, oh, I can talk about me endlessly ! ! ! Went to about six psychic types. So, don't nobody tell me I didn't at least make an effort to address my negativities. $11,000 alone spent in a six-month flurry-of-seeking period there....all for naught. Fuck, I even let the chicken-guts guy from the Philippines pretend to shove his hand inside me. I had two different persons "make strange sounds with their mouths" -- special sounds dontchaknow..... I had entities removed from my aura.......what a relief, eh? Had a psychic-nurse declare me and my family healthy -- for $125 each....then my son got cancer diagnosed the next week. We had gone to this "nurse" because that was her thang...spotting cancer. So I tried FFL. And now I iz saved. I have at least ten people here who are telling me if I make the least mistake. For free! How good is that!
