---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <no_re...@yahoogroups.com> wrote :
---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <awoelflebater@...> wrote : ---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <no_re...@yahoogroups.com> wrote : ---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <awoelflebater@...> wrote : ---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <no_re...@yahoogroups.com> wrote : Yeah, Dan, the below could be useful suggestions. While I allow myself to be outrageously over the top here when I spew negativity, I'M A WRITER after all, in real life, oooo no, not me....I don't do that, cuz that's the way to get a punch in the nose. I AM A COWARD by quite a few metrics even though I've had tons of times I had to step up to plates for the kids, marriage, movement etc. I have yelled from the back of political rallies....and that's maybe the height of my public bristling. After my last most seriously PTSD "causing" event, 13 yrs ago, it took me a solid five years of learning to not "just wallow in righteous indignation," and instead, recognize my idiosyncratic "tells" of when I was going over the precipice of a slippery slope. Once I could "see it coming, " I could divert the mind instead of dwelling in a tawdry mental indulgence that could only harden the pathways in the nervous system -- that is: make it easier to fall into negativity once again. See?....it was no fun being angry, but, geeze, it took me a long time to give up the habit....like booze...it had it's deliciousness, ya know? No, I don't drink or have any prescriptions for anxiety etc. Diversions are: my relationship with my babe, family, trikking, reading, writing, media, Advaita reading, etc. And on Facebook I am a posting fool -- sharing the neat stuff I find -- and allowing myself to openly hate the psychopublicans while gnashing my teeth about Obama's selling out. I have gone over some inner dark horizon now and then, sure, but it's very rare. But when I do, even then I can use last resort techniques like psychodrama -- that is, riding the emotions but with reins on the nightmare being ridden. It's fun to scream into the night sometimes, just sayin' -- not that it's all that therapeutic. A therapist, um Cynthia Fox?, had me hitting a punching bag while screaming out my complaints.......and what were the results? -- sore arms and bruised knuckles. I can get triggered and be instantly into a huge surge of negativity. Yep, it can happen. So far, no fist fights, but there's a few bike riders out there who snarked at my beast enough for me to unload with a Dune Class Bene Gesserit VOICE on them...that is, I yelled at them. And it could've gone south. So there's that, and it is exactly that that TM was, to my mind, going to "naturally dissolve." It didn't...obviously. And by the way, Willy reposted some of my raging on his ass, and I think it's dang fine writing. I can't remember writing most of my stuff, and almost never reread, so when I do, it's like, hey, this guy's a good writer! So THANK YOU WILLY FOR THE SELF ESTEEM MOMENT. I love my shit. So, see? I am very seldom actually having a negative emotion. Even during my writing about Willy etc....I'm having the most savory narcissistic wickedness and outright CACKLING with my cleverness. Not that I'm aloof all the time. Nabby got to me the other day, you'll note, but I let loose on that response and, yes, I was having actual anger, but by the time the piece was written, I'd was in a joyous mood from all the great blurbs that had come from the inspiration. SO THANK YOU NABBY! Poke me again you wonderful shit....blast me from your special perch. Get me out of bed in the morning! I've posted so much here in the last few days...just cuz of some spotlights on my ego....see how I'm slurping up the attention? Gotta pull back on this horsey! Ha ha! You are a good writer. Probably the best we've had here, not that I've been "here" long. Annie, You read all this? What does it say. In as few words as possible. Life's short. And there's lots to do. Can I use the last 3 lines to enter the Tokyo Haiku Contest? I love prizes. First, you can enter the haiku contest, but only if it's because you don't want to show Edg up; keep your competitive motives pure. Second, what his post says to me goes past his facility with words. What I like most about it is that, at the risk of sounding like RWC, it is REAL. The guy doesn't seem afraid to let us see what he feels inside and out. I don't know him at all. Everyone else here seems to have had a history with Edg. What I do know is that he scares me sometimes with his ferocity but he has been explaining what that is - another personal revelation. But the man can wield the words and I love that. To have the dexterity to move it around like he does goes beyond the verbal. The coolest part is that for such a scary guy he lets the inside of him all hang out and you become a bit taken aback by what he reveals because it seems so deep and personal after he can be so ferocious! So it is an interesting juxtaposition going on there. And, beyond the fact that his style, his life is apparently very different than mine it seems rich in certain ways. But he still scares the hell out of me at times here. There, that is my personal revelation for the day. Dear Ann, I can't help but be competitive - dharma + NYC To have the dexterity to move it around like he does goes beyond the verbal. and And, beyond the fact that his style, his life is apparently very different than mine it seems rich in certain ways. I can do that. I can be that. I'm your man. Just look at the present before you make up your mind. Ok, you're a funny guy, I admit it. What else do you have to offer?
