I assume most view laughing with someone as a good  thing.

I think satire is an attempt to get everyone laughing. The target may
see themselves in the satire, but can take refuge and think "well at
least I am not that bad" and laugh.

With friends, we often make a joke at their expense --laughing at
them, to get them to laugh with us. Its a friendly way to point out a
perceived foilble without getting all serious. "Dude, you have got
your head up your ass on this issue", says one friend to another. Its
mocking the first, so he can step back and maybe take some
perspective. The insultee then may often respond witb a retort, again
attempting to help the other gain some perspective, "At least I am not
pussy-whipped like you." They both laugh, but GET each others point.
Thats an at/with laugh.

This ussually does  not work with strangers. Imagine the same convo
between two guys on the street. Blood in the streets.

I sense  some communication on FFL occurs when someone assumes too
close a sense of friendship with other poster, throws out a laugh
at/with perspective-inducing barb, and the receiver takes it as an
insult, not as intended. 

In groups, there can be pure laugh ats, when its deemed the insultee 
beyond help, but the barb is a cautionary tale to the group --"lets us
not be such assholes". 

And then there is the one-on-one put down. Not the most refined
behavior. But for it to be an attack, to draw blood, the insultee has
to play victim and accept it as an insult. A "sticks and stones" sort
of thing.





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