--- In [email protected], [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:
>
>
> In a message dated 4/3/06 11:24:29 A.M. Central Daylight Time,
> [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes:
>
> "...repeated his opposition to homosexuality..."
>
> I find this comment interesting because his most famous follower,
> Richard Gere, is an outspoken advocate for gay rights.
>
>
>
>
>
> Yes, but Richard has a special place for Gerbils and its not in
his heart.
>
>From Scopes.com (our new arbiter here on FFL on what's real and
unreal):
Claim: A celebrity makes a trip to the emergency room to have a
gerbil removed from his rectum.
Status: False.
Example: [Gibbs and Ross, 1996]
The following is a true account:
A 26-year-old male arrives at the ER complaining of rectal bleeding.
He is too embarrassed to provide an accurate history but provides
the examing doctor a clue: "There might be something stuck in my
rear end." Examination reveals a non-tender abdomen, but a rectal
exam shows blood coming from his anus. A speculum exam reveals
bloody stool and a dead gerbil. Apparently, through the cardboard
tubing from a paper towel roll, the rodent had been forced into his
rectum. Once the animal was in, the tube was pulled out.
The idea is that as the gerbil suffocates, it scratches and claws at
the lining of the rectum, providing an intense sensation to the
patient. The rodent should then have been defecated, but the
swelling and bleeding had caused the retention of the animal. The
patient required pain medication and antibiotics after the animal
was removed, but was then allowed to go home.
Origins: Contrary to widespread public belief, "gerbil-stuffing"
is unknown as an actual sexual practice, nor are we aware of a
verified medical case of a gerbil having been extracted from a
patient's rectum. Despite the assiduousness with which doctors
record unusual items removed from patients' rectums in order to
write them up as illustrative cases, we haven't yet found a medical
journal article involving a gerbil removal. (Doctors, like most
people, often repeat urban legends and stories told to them by
others as first-person experiences, hence our standard for declaring
this true is a peer-reviewed journal article rather than anecdote.)
The notion of gerbilling (not necessarily restricted to homosexuals
the insertion of items into the rectum for purposes of
autoeroticism is practiced by heterosexuals as well) appears to be
pure invention, a tale fabricated to demonstrate the depravity with
which "faggots" allegedly pursue sexual pleasure. (While people do
stick all sorts of unusual items up their rectums, they also do so
for reasons other than sexual pleasure.)
Like similar legends such as The Promiscuous Rock Star, this tale
has been applied to various public figures who are known or believed
to be homosexual, and it has stuck with one in particular: Richard
Gere. Although the legend homed in on various targets when it first
appeared (including a Philadelphia newscaster), it has clung
tenaciously to Mr. Gere's name since at least the mid-1980s. Rumors
that he had an emergency "gerbilectomy" at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in
California have spread far and wide, and countless doctors and
nurses claim to have participated in, been on hand during, or heard
from a reliable colleague about, the procedure. (Cedars-Sinai is
apparently the best-staffed hospital in the world, since several
hundred different doctors and nurses were reportedly on duty at the
time Mr. Gere was allegedly brought in for treatment.) The rumor's
spread was aided by an anonymous prankster who, not long after the
film Pretty Woman led to a tremendous increase in Gere's popularity,
flooded fax machines in Hollywood with a phony "press release"
purportedly issued by the Association for the Prevention of Cruelty
to Animals, claiming that Gere had "abused" a gerbil. But, as a
reporter from The National Enquirer found when he attempted to track
down the gerbil story, there were no facts to be had.
Versions of the following gerbilling fiction date back at least to
1993 when a faked United Press International item appeared on the
Internet, one that named Vito Bustone and Kiki Rodriguez of Lake
City, Florida, as the accident victims. (The gerbil's name was
withheld by request of the family.) Other versions have been falsely
attributed to the Los Angeles Times with the events said to have
taken place in Salt Lake City, Utah. Rest assured that neither news
outlet ever published a news article about these fictitious events:
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was
only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused
doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had
been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had
gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our
gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,'
my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he
wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a
match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what
happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a
flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and
severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and
whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the
intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the
impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree
burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
Additional information: If you're really interested in things
people put up their rear ends, here's the page for you. Also, listen
to a radio announcer break up as he attempts to read the faux
newspaper article quoted above as a straight news story.
Rectal foreign bodies page
The Rectal Rodent on radio
Sightings: Look for some tongue-in-cheek references to the Gere-
bil in the 1996 film Scream. Also, passing mention is made to this
rumor during a student bull session in 1998's Urban Legend. As well,
in an episode of television's The Vicar of Dibley ("The Easter
Bunny"; original air date 8 April 1996), Geraldine (Dawn French)
remarks upon Richard Gere's sexiness by saying she wouldn't have
minded being the hamster.
Last updated: 18 November 2001
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