Whoever wrote this is an idiot. --- Vaj <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> > http://www.parrotdogs.com/simuladvaita.htm > > Lessons in fake advaita, also known as > Simuladvaita' > > > > *tm (spiritual > neologism from > simulate + advaita) > > Let's face it, the chances of the "Big E" > (enlightenment) ever > happening to (or more correctly: 'through') you or > me are pretty > slim. This could be seen as grim news indeed to > earnest seekers. But > worry not, with a little practise you can soon learn > to SIMULATE > enlightenment and fool many a newcomer to the > advaita scene, and > quite possibly in time, even yourself! > > Part A: Speech. > > 1) Of prime importance is conveying the notion of an > absence of > 'self,' so the most important first step in learning > fake advaita- > speak is to practise avoiding the use of personal > pronouns...'I', > 'me', 'mine'. A little care in sentence construction > makes this > possible. Throw in some genuine advaita buzz words > like, 'noumenon', > 'phenomenon' 'manifests' and 'apparent' and you're > away! > > Some examples: > > a)The statement, 'I am horny" becomes, 'It is > perceived that > there is a sensation of horniness presently > manifesting in this body- > mind.' > > Unfortunately for the aspirant, not all > members of the > opposite sex (especially the spiritually ignorant) > will react > favourably to such correctness of expression, but > the serious pseudo- > jnani will surely value projecting and developing a > firm image of > Guruhood above an all too temporary roll in the hay. > In time, once > his or her reputation is solid and (s)he has a > following (s)he can > easily make up for lost time. > > b) "This car is mine" is improved to The apparent > body out of which > these words seem to be emanating is, in the illusory > phenomenal > manifestation, simultaneously the owner of this > car." Note: Care > should be exercised if this phrasing is used to > answer traffic police > or other authority figures lest more than an > illusory traffic ticket > manifests as a result. > > 2) Another good habit to acquire is of referring > to yourself in the > third person. Like the above rule, this gambit cues > your listener > that you are disidentified from the body. > > Hence, > > "I'm in a bad mood today" is correctly conveyed > by, "A bad mood, > which (being temporal) noumenally has no valid > existence, seems to > have descended upon John today." Mind you, more > than merely a bad > mood might well descend upon John if in his > eagerness he fails to > introduce such verbal pretzels gradually to close > associates. > > 3) It is of vital importance that at no time do > you betray a > tendency to claim decision making or any forms of > doership as your > own. Naturally you DO in fact feel yourself to be > the doer or author > of your actions, but appearance is what counts. It > must look not > only as though YOU do not decide, but even a seeming > decision-making > doesn't ever occur.... things 'just happen'. The > word 'happen' > should become one of your linguistic staples. > > Note of caution: Once again, the introduction of the > new non-doing > you to your family and friends should be done with > tact. When your > partner discovers you in a compromising position > with a member of the > opposite sex, "I wasn't DOING anything, screwing > just happened" is at > least as likely to result in the happening of a kick > in the butt of > said body-mind as anything else you might say. > > Part B: Behaviour. > > 1) One of the great spinoffs of following the > simuladvaita path is > that unlike in the rest of society where > goallessness, a lack of > planning and sloth are seen as irresponsible vices, > here they are > viewed as positive virtues. The less driven, > passionate or motivated > you are the better, as this indicates 'dispassion.' > If you can manage > not to work at all, this is highly praiseworthy, but > if you must, > then at least affect a pose of boredom with your > job and certainly > don't harbour any enthusiasm for such frivolities as > hobbies or worse > still political or social activism. You should be > totally > uninterested in anything that smacks of worldiness. > > 2) It is necessary to cultivate an attitude of > having finished with > seeking, either because enlightenment has already > happened or is just > about to. For this reason it is important never to > be seen reading > books that could be considered 'spiritual'. If > visitors happen to > discover that in fact you have quite a library of > such books, worthy > of a small bookstore (and lets be honest, most of us > do) the correct > resonse is that you only still keep them around in > case someone else > wants to borrow them. Thus you add altruism to your > list of perceived > virtues. Your frequent presence at Satsangs is > likewise not because > you have any craving for spiritual attainment, that > 'dropped away' > some time ago, but just that you like to keep in > touch with 'Ol Pete > (as you call your Guru now) who is no longer really > your Guru but > just your good buddy whom you play cards or watch > football with and > have a lot of laughs. If you can get away with a > fond slap on his > back in front of your neophyte spiritual friends > (soon to be > followers) you'll impress them immensely. > > Good luck! > > __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! 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