--- In [email protected], "authfriend" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], "Alex Stanley" 
> <j_alexander_stanley@> wrote:
> <snip>
> > I'd sit down to meditate and my mind wouldn't settle down. It was
> > outwardly focused and could no longer tolerate the escapism of
> > transcending. I'd always looked at TM as a means of fixing what I
> > felt was broken, and as such, TM was for me just another piece of 
> > the toxic ego dynamic of grasping and aversion, preventing me from 
> > being present in the here and now. 
> 
> You know, Alex, this doesn't even *sound* like you
> talking.  It sounds artificial and rote and self-
> conscious.

The terminology of egoic grasping and aversion came from an Adyashanti
essay I read. But, it perfectly describes what was going on inside me.
"Being present in the here and now" is definitely a new age platitude,
but it perfectly describes the sense of free-flaoting in now that I
experience as a result of my Waking Down brand Second Birth Awakening.
Escapism of transcending is my own wording.

To flesh my story out a bit, my big issue was not accepting myself as
I am. I seriously believed TM would make me str8. After all, if
homosexuality is such an egregious violation of Natural Law, as I was
led to believe from ideas floating around the TM community, then TM
should be able to fix that. So, in that context, TM was feeding my
aversion dynamic. I dropped TM because it was, for me, a spiritual
mismatch, and I'd reached the point where every fiber of my being was
making that clear.





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