--- In [email protected], "geezerfreak" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > > Maharishi's Deathbed Confession > > I want to set the record straight now that I am about to make the > final journey. I never really intended for things to get quite this > out of whack. > > When I started out I just wanted to make a few buck for my family in > Kerala and maybe help some people in the West learn a useful > meditation that could help them relax. That was really it. I knew the > meditation would never "enlighten" anyone. Hell, it didn't enlighten > me, so how could it do that for anyone else? But people seemed so > needy, so anxious and so interested in enlightenment that I couldn't > resist. And the money! God, the money these people would throw at me > for this! And I could buy nice cars and really high-quality silk and > pashmina and fly in chartered jets and all that, it was too much for > this little old Indian boy to pass up. So I got greedy. And eventually > I got more ambitious. And the greedier and more ambitious I became the > more money and power I required. I became like a wild dog eating up > the countryside. At first it was a rush, then I did it just to stay even. > > Same thing with the chicks. I was supposed to keep hands off, but they > were throwing themselves at me. I couldn't help it. Well, maybe I > could have. I mean I could have remained steadfast in my vows, but > come on! I mean, have you seen some of these girls in their miniskirts > and all that? Especially back in the 60's and 70's? Anyway, I did > carry on with dozens, maybe hundreds, of my own disciples. At least I > wasn't a fag. And I didn't mess with little kids like some gurus I > know. So give me credit for that. > > Now all this flying stuff and these world government things and > titles, all that stuff. I really didn't want to get into that, but the > family was growing and the people wanted more. They had investments in > Europe and India and a lot of real estate and needed more and more > money. So I looked at the world and I decided to go the whole route. > Hell, it worked for Hitler. That Third Reich deal was completely > believable if you were a good Nazi. So I built this grandiose thing up > and told people we absolutely had to do it to save the world (OK, I'm > given to exaggeration, so shoot me) and everyone needed to give me a > million dollars each and all this stuff. And people did it! They went > for it! I shouldn't have been surprised. After forty years of > bullshitting people I knew that no matter how outlandish I became, no > matter how ridiculous a plan I came up with, there would always be > plenty of mindless idiots (sorry Larry and Bevan and the rest of you > panjandrums and phony royalty, but come on, you really don't believe > it, do you? And besides you got a lot of tail and worship and all so > don't be too pissed at me. It's not like you starved, you know? Of > course after I die no one will give two shits about you or your > titles. But you have to admit you had some fun while it lasted, didn't > you?) > > So here on my deathbed let me say to those whose lives and marriages I > ruined and whom I bilked out of their entire life savings: you could > have lived and flourished and had truly productive lives instead of > the impoverished, sad-ass, sorry lives you now have. But you would > have had to leave me years ago. You should have gotten wise to this > especially when I started that bogus flying thing. You knew you > weren't flying. You knew you were just bouncing around on mattresses. > So why didn't you leave? A lot of people did leave. They were the > smart ones. Why did you stay? Hello! Earth to Purusha! Are you that > brain-dead? I really can't take the blame for people who are just too > dumb to wash behind their own ears. But I do apologize for what it's > worth. Which ain't much but it certainly makes me feel better. And > that's the whole point, right? > > Anyway, I have changed. I have one last message to give to the world. > > Inshallah! God is Great! Allah is God and Muhammad is his Prophet! > Kill the Infidels, kill all Americans and Jews and Muslims who do not > follow Sharia! God is Great! God is Great! God is Great! > > Surprised? I thought you might be. Not to worry about the conversion: > I already have my 70 virgins all picked out. > > Lates, > > > MMY > > > (with thanks to Ned.) > Hey, now that you've confessed, you can get on with your life and stop blaming an old man for your failures. No longer such an innocent soul, eh? Better get started, times a wasting, and you aren't getting any younger...
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