Turk, Nice piece, dude. Felt inside your brain.
And for good reason: yesterday I made a decision to move also. Synchrony between me and you, go figure. I live on a lake, and from my office window, for three years now, 15 feet from the water, each day I see the sun and moon kiss a mountain on the other side of the lake. I've had over 60 species of animals play in my small cove where the wind sings to the water and leaves. Morning slanting rays color the scene as if Maxfield Parrish was God. And yet, I'm leaving. I've seen blue herons stabbing foot long fish and gulping them down snake lithe throats, seen musk rats fucking like gonzo vibrators, seen twelve turtles sunning on one log, seen a hawk swoop down like Dracula on a mourning dove, in one moment seen red wing blackbirds harrying crows harrying eagles harrying ospreys for their still writhing talon-viced prey, seen seen an island raft of white pelicans sleeping on the water the day after tens of thousands of them disappeared in a Canadian blink, seen wavefronts of geese honking south and north, seen trees along the shore bending, stooping, groaning to the lash of driven rain. And, once, just once, the winter broke for a week, and as the three inch thick ice was piled up on the shore like blown leaves, waves clanged the hunks into each other to produce a hypnotic chorus of deep marimba chiming. And I'm leaving. I'm going to a place where I can have more society, more opportunities, more venues. Gunna expand a bit. See how it fits to drape my spirit with a city. Paradise, but even the angels want to incarnate as meat puppets when claustrophobic heaven becomes merely the "spiritual boondocks," so, like a truant angel, I'm biting that apple, grabbing a fig leaf -- gunna boggie again. You in your garden being taught by silent flowers, me looking for a place to till the social soil and plant a me. Might get a silent flower to grow. We'll compare notes, eh? Edg --- In [email protected], TurquoiseB <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > > [ I wrote this yesterday night, but didn't post it > at that time because it didn't seem to "fit" with > the topics being discussed. It still doesn't, but > here goes anyway. If Edg and Curtis can write about > their everyday lives as if they were some kind of > spiritual sadhana, I guess I can, too. - Unc ] > > "The mind is drawn to ever-increasing levels of bliss." > Or something to that effect. That's what the man said. > > Those are the first words that Maharishi spoke that > really *resonated* with me, all those years ago in the > Greek Theater in Los Angeles, 1967. For me, a BTDT > hippie searching for a saner path through life than > psychedelics, those words really "caught the wave" of > my life. At 21, I had *done* sex, drugs, and rock 'n > roll, right on the front lines of all three war zones, > and none of them (despite their undeniable charms) > had taken me where they had promised. So I was in > search of Something Else, another goal and path to > focus on to inspire me to keep on keepin' on. And > Maharishi just *nailed* it with that phrase. > > In retrospect, I suspect that even at the time, I > "signed on" more to that phrase, and that lifestyle, > than I "signed on" with Maharishi personally. But I > followed the path suggested by that phrase, and him, > and with heart, for fourteen years. And when the > time came when ever-increasing levels of bliss were > no longer found within the TM movement and with > Maharishi, I followed the spirit of what he had > said that day in the Greek Theater in Los Angeles, > even though it drew me away from him. > > I followed the bliss, not the man who had told me > about the bliss. And I thank him, in my way, for > being the first person in my life to ever put the > simple truth of "Follow your bliss" into words, > by living the truth of those words in my own life. > > I have pretty much *always* followed my bliss. Damn > making sense. Damn tradition. Damn career. Damn what > anyone else thinks of the irrational decisions I am > making. If the decisions lead me in the direction of > greater bliss (in my *own* definition of bliss, that > is, not anyone else's definition), then at this point > I really don't see the percentage in *not* following > the bliss. > > Doing so has worked out rather well for me for forty > years now. I've had one phwam! of a life as a result > of following Maharishi's advice about paying attention > to that which seems to offer increasing levels of > bliss. > > This is all relevant to me today because yesterday > I signed a lease on an apartment in a beach town > in Spain, and will be moving there in September. > To do this I will be leaving One Of My Best Designs > For Paradise So Far, in favor of another, hopefully > a more evolved design. > > I mean, I live right now inside one of my fantasies > from earlier in my life, in a tiny medieval village > where the heretics I am interested in as a writer > and as a spiritual seeker once trod. I live in an > apartment built on the original 10th-century city > walls in an apartment that costs me 450 Euros a > month, and would continue to cost me that for the > rest of my life. That is my agreement with the > Crumbs, should I choose to stay *for* the rest of > my days. That's quite an offer. The village is > wonderful, the offer is wonderful, and the Crumbs > are wonderful, and I'm moving to Spain anyway. > Go figure. > > Following one's bliss is all about that ineffable > quality of life that you can't put into words, try > as you might. For me, making this decision, it's > all about silence. How do you put *that* into words? > I stand on the ramparts of Sauve tonight and I feel > the level of silence here, and I marvel at its depth. > And then I take a deep breath and remember the > silence in Sitges...present in the most crowded > chiringuito, in the noisiest nightclub street, or, > moments later, in the deserted square in front of > the 15th-century church, gazing out to sea, and > there is just simply No Question about which level > of silence draws me more. > > I've tried my best to fight it. I've taken this > decision through all the sane, rational, intellectual > hoops, and moving to Spain makes no sense at all. It's > folly. But I'm moving anyway, and it's all about the > silence. > > The apartment I'll be living in there is on one of > the busiest streets in town, a block from the beach, > and full of crowds at all hours of the day or night. > But step inside the door and close it and miraculously, > the noise of that world just Goes Away and opens into > a pretty wonderful apartment. And then that apartment > opens onto The Garden. > > It was The Garden that did it. It's immense, lovely, > private, and with a level of silence in it that is > astounding. I sit in The Garden, only steps away from > the busiest street in a busy beach town, and samadhi > just overtakes me. It overtook me in the real estate > agent's office when I first saw it in a photograph of > the property. The moment I saw that photograph, I knew > I was a goner. Seeing the actual property was like an > afterthought, a formality that I had to go through, > even though the decision had been made. It was that > sudden. Go figure. > > So, although it makes no sense at all, I'm walking > away from the way cool situation in Sauve, my current > paradise, and "trading up" to another way cool situation > that beckons more strongly. > > It could be a real letdown. I might move there and > realize I've made a terrible mistake. But I don't > think that's going to happen, because the "follow > your bliss" signs are all there. I liked the selves > that danced across my Self when I was in Sitges, > and I'd like to see more of them dancing. I look > forward to many moonlight conversations in The > Garden, under the Catalunya moon, with people > I've met for the first time that day on the > busy, Tantric streets of Sitges. >
