...but once couldn't even see as the silliness they were: * Allowing Maharishi to "have the last word" and declare the absolute truth about something, when I felt in my heart and with every minute of my life experience that what he was saying wasn't true.
* Paying lip service to an organization I no longer believed in and that I felt was on the wrong track, both spiritually and ethically...just out of habit. * Feeling guilty about missing a meditation, when what I was doing was so much more beneficial to someone else than shutting my eyes and thinking a word I'd paid 35 bucks for. * Thinking that the word I'd paid 35 bucks for was "special." * Believing that Bad Things Would Happen if I spoke the word I'd paid 35 bucks for aloud. * Being asked to carry a large sum of money illegally across international borders by the TMO, and actually considering doing it for a few seconds because the person asking me to do it said, "Maharishi says it's Ok." * Borrowing money from people who worked for a living so that I didn't have to, and could go to the Next Big Course instead. That only happened once, and I paid them back as soon as I got home, but it still makes me shake my head and laugh at how incredibly *arrogant* I was to believe that this was acceptable behavior. * Telling people in intro lectures that TM had no potential negative side effects, after seeing with my own eyes the "twitching group" at Fiuggi, 10 to 20 people with spasms so uncontrollable that they were not allowed to leave their hotels for fear they'd be arrested as crazy people. * Seeing someone sent home from an ATR course *for* develop- ing uncontrollable muscle spasms, after having been told that it was their fault and that not only would the money they paid for the course not be refunded, but that they would not be allowed to enter the TM center back home until the "embar- rassing" symptoms had gone away...and not advising them to call a lawyer and sue the shit out of the TMO. * Watching other TM teachers blackball someone and prevent them from going to TM Teacher Training because they were living with their girlfriend or because they had admitted reading books by Carlos Castaneda and, after standing up for both applicants and seeing the TM teachers turn "thumbs down" on them anyway, not advising *them* to call a lawyer. * Watching as books were edited to remove embarrassing statements by Maharishi or as tapes were burned because he'd said something on them that the TM movement now wanted to pretend he'd never said...and not speaking up. * Being told by a good friend, upon her return from one of the first TM siddhi courses, that "flying" was a total hoax and that -- despite the frequent claims of leaders of the TMO at the time -- no one had even come close to actually flying...and not believing her. * Paying big bucks to go the next TM siddhis course in spite of what she said, realizing the truth of what she had said, and not even being angry at the people who'd stood up in front of large groups of people back at the National TM Center in L.A. and told us that people were hovering on a daily basis * Being told by Maharishi, "Wear your suit at all times, even to the beach," and not laughing out loud. So many moments, so much silliness. Sometimes I look back on some of the silly things I did because I'd been told to do them, or because they were Standard Operating Procedure in the TMO, and I just *howl* with laughter and with the realization of how incredibly silly and stupid I was. It's a great exercise in humility, and in self acceptance. I found ways to excuse all these things and rationalize them away, or found ways to never even notice that I was doing them. And I would bet that a few people here have a similar list of similar sillinesses that they managed to rationalize away or pretend weren't happening. It's normal. People on strong spiritual paths do silly shit. It's almost the *definition* of being on a strong spiritual path -- being willing to do silly shit. And if it feels right to do it, I say Go For It. Make no excuses for the silly shit you do. *Revel* in the glory of silly shitness. But if you ever get to a point where you can *recognize* it as silly shit, I would suggest not being afraid to laugh at the behavior, and at yourself for having behaved that way. It's very liberating, and frees you to go out and do *new* silly shit that you'll look back on and laugh about someday in the future. :-)
