Nina,
I've been away from the computer a few days and just read about Jazz. I'm so sorry.
I know exactly how you feel...expecting to see her and all. Shortly after Quintie died...I started looking at ASPCA websites and in PetSmarts....looking for another cat..or so I thought...It took me a few days to understand, that in some way...I was really just looking for Quintapus.
Maybe we keep expecting to see them because they aren't "really" gone. Enjoy the numbness, because it will fade....but don't second guess yourself. Even, if the worst of your fears were true (which of course isn't the case!)...Jazz is ok now....no more pain...no more "off" days. She's kitten ish again. She will always love you as you will always love her. (The second guessing is just your unconscious way of drawing the pain forth. Try to let it go....concentrate on the love you shared instead...and try to spend a little extra time with Gracy ...to help her through it too.
With love. God Bless your family and your Jazz.
T
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