Beautifully expressed, both of you.
/mari (SpiritCat)
On 10/18/05, Nina <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Michelle,
I've been struggling with the 'lack of ultimate responsibility' issue myself these days. Your response to Patti expresses it so clearly and succinctly. Thank you. Every one that commits themselves to the care of those with special needs faces it eventually. Guilt, although seemingly impossible to avoid, has no justification when we do the best we can in such difficult circumstances.
Nina
[EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:
Patti,These decisions are really hard. I usually op to try treatments too, unless at the start they just sound so invasive that they will ruin current quality of life. Chemo can sometimes make them feel a lot better. That was certainly the case for Simon while it lasted. With my dog Nubi, it did not obviously make her better and we think it killed her in the end, as she died fairly suddenly and not of the symptoms we expected, a little after getting a new chemo agent. But then again she lived past initial expectations and went for a very long walk the day before she died, and died very peacefully, so maybe the chemo was good for her in the end. We chose not to do chemo with our dog Fern because we would also have had to do surgery and radiation and they did not expect it all to help all that much, and instead we did an experimental medical treatment in a study and some herbs and acupuncture and she outlasted her prognosis by a factor of three. I am glad we did not do it with her. But until it became clear that she would outlive her prognosis for having chemo, I constantly wondered if we were doing the right thing by not giving it to her. I feel fairly sure from your description that I would have made the same decisions you did with Bear. I probably would now blame myself for any suffering he had, as you are doing. But the point is that I would have decided the same thing at the time. And the truth is that there must have been hope or you would not have done it, and if he had recovered you would have thanked god a million times for having made the decision to do it. It just did not work out that way. We do not have control over end results. We can only make decisions based on information we have. I am one who tends to hold on to hope until the end, and it seems like you are, or were, as well. When it works and they get more happy times, we can be glad we held on. When it doesn't, we blame ourselves. But just think of how you would feel if you had not tried and you then heard of another dog who did the chemo and survived. You would feel so strongly that you had cheated Bear of a chance to live. We can take responsibility for the choices we make, but we can not pretend we have control over the end results of them. If the choices were clear and we knew the results they would lead to, decisions would hardly be decisions. They would be givens.I have more trouble than anyone else with blaming myself for the outcome no matter what I do, so it is not like I have been able to internalize the message I just wrote. But I am working on trying to, because I think it is right.Michelle
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/mari (SpiritCat)
Until there are none, adopt one.
SpiritCat and the Mooseheart Mumpkees
of southeastern Texas
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
