Lynne,
I know this might be a lot to ask right now, but
please stop feeling so guilty. Every single person
here looks at some aspect of the care they gave their
furball before they passed away, and questions whether
this or that should have been done instead of what was
done. Or question their vet. Or the diet. You name
it. But the bottom line is, you did all you could
given the information and time you had. Keep in mind
that you did nothing intentionally to harm your kitty.
You did the best you could and we all know that
desperate feeling of grasping at anything and
everything that might help and hating ourselves for
being ignorant when time was of the essence. Please
don't torture yourself. That being said, I know what
you are going through. I am coming to terms right now
with the loss of my precious Cricket almost two weeks
ago. We are our own worst critics. We are harder on
ourselves than anyone else, and it's probably time
that you started going a little easier on yourself.
There are so many unanswered questions about FeLV.
The vets don't know much either. Many of the
questions you asked in your first post have no answers
as of yet.
I treated Cricket with ImmunoRegulin, but he was so
anemic and only responded for a short time before he
got too sick to eat and then died the day I had a
feeding tube inserted as a last ditch effort to save
him. It was a heartbreaking experience I will never
forget. He was 4 and a half when he died.
>From what you said about your kitty, it sounds like he
had the cancers pretty badly and all over. Treating
the bacterial infection effectively MIGHT have bought
him more time, but you had no guarantee of that. And
yes, he MIGHT have responded to chemo, but you had no
guarantee of that either. What you did know is that
he had been dealing with cancer for some time. It
might have just been his time. When I think about
this concept, I think back to a beautiful girl, inside
and out, that I went to high school with. She was 3
years younger than me, the head cheerleader at our
high school, and was a precious human being. EVERYONE
loved her. She was so sweet and friendly and just
shining all the time. A truly priceless soul. She
got into a car accident with three other girls one day
on the way to practice. It was a sunny afternoon, and
she spilled her drink while driving her Suzuki
Samurai, and bent over to pick it up, and when she
looked up, she was in another lane going head on with
another car, and jerked the wheel and flipped the car.
She was thrown from the vehicle, hit her head, and
her parents eventually had to turn off the life
support. It was such a tragedy in our small town.
And the only thing that I can think of when I think
back on her is that it was her time. Why else would
God take such a beautiful soul from making everyone's
life better here? And at such a young age? We can
never know why the time comes for any of us or our
loved ones or furballs, but it does. We don't know
the inner-workings of Heaven and why things happen the
way they do. The only comfort I have is the inner
peace I have from God being there for me and holding
me when I am weak.
In my situation, second guessing myself helped me not
to deal directly with the fact that my beloved Cricket
was gone and was not coming back. And when I stopped
(mostly), I had to accept the truth and just grieve in
that way, instead of feeling guilty.
I hope this helps you Lynne. And please forgive me if
I have said anything to offend you. I do know how you
are feeling. I just want to help in the best way I
can. Prayers for you and your family. And I am SO
sorry that you lost your kitty.
:)
Wendy
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