Hey Steph,
Don't apologize. I bet many here have been where you
are feeling right now and have a compassion for you.
It's so hard to believe that people can be like your
aunt. I have no concept of how it's even possible to
go through life with thoughts like that; of thoughts
that I'm better than someone else or higher up on the
"social" ladder. The only solace I gather in dealing
with people like this is that I know they are not
happy people, and that, in and of itself, is justice
enough for me, in a warped way.
It sounds like the holidays are a hard time for you
and I can see why. And I am so sorry to hear about
your dad. I am close to my dad too, and if he was
ill, I would be beside myself too. I will pray for
him and for you. Is he able to be put on a waiting
list to have a heart transplant?
Just remember Steph that what you are feeling is only
for a season, and happier feelings will eventually
replace those if you just hang in there. Life is FULL
of ups AND downs. As Newton said, what comes up must
go down, (and vice versa when dealing with life). And
if you get too depressed, clinically depressed, then
go get help. Tom Cruise is an idiot sometimes, and if
Katie Holmes gets post partum depression after she
delivers his baby, then maybe he will understand that
there is such a thing as drugs that help people's
psyche. After my grandmother died, I wasn't eating or
sleeping right, I couldn't get along with anyone at
work, I was crying all the time for no reason, and
felt like my mind was literally slipping, which was
the scariest thing I've ever felt. So I went to my
family doctor who I'd been going to since I was 14,
and told him my symptoms. He said, "Well, it sounds
like you're depressed." I said, "No sh_t, sherlock".
lol. He said, "No, I mean clinically depressed." I
said, "Well how do we fix that?" and he said, "You
need to take anti-depressants to re-balance the
chemicals in your brain". I said, "I'm not taking
anti-depressants!" He said, "Well, you can go on
feeling like you are." I said, "Write me a
prescription." So I took those things for two and a
half months and I was back to myself again, thank God,
and then I stopped taking them, and I've been fine
ever since. That was 10 years ago. I'm not saying
you need medication. I am just saying that if you get
too low, take care of yourself. Don't be afraid to
ask for help or to take a prescription if you're too
low and your doctor(s) think it would help. There are
so many negative stigmas associated with taking meds,
and if I wouldn't have had my own experience, I
wouldn't have the confidence I do in them, which is
weird for me, because I hate taking any pills for
anything at all. Even vitamins. So the last place
you will find me is strung out on pain killers! lol.
But seriously Steph, try to enjoy some things in your
life, like the kitties you do have, hang on, and keep
looking on the bright side. And remember, this is
only for a season. And we're always here for you to
vent to. And stay away from your aunts during the
holidays!!!
Stay strong-
:)
Wendy
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