Nina,
I am so sorry the news isn't more encouraging. My prayers are with
you and Spencer.
elizabeth
In a message dated 9/14/2006 12:21:32 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
[EMAIL PROTECTED] writes:
I just
called to cancel my appointment today and send the message about my
disappointment that the vet was unwilling to discuss things over the
phone. They put me on hold and the vet came on with apologies for the
misunderstanding. She said she had some blunt advice for me and thought
it better to discuss it in person. Of course her "blunt" advice was no
worse than the conclusions I'd already come to on my own. They do, as
does Michelle, suspect strongly that he has lymphoma. They are still
hesitant to treat for it without further confirmation, but I got the distinct
impression that if I insisted, they would. Both doctors feel that
aggressive cancer treatment would, at best, buy him limited time, and disrupt
the quality of life he is experiencing now. She said that she has, in
cases like this, tapered the steroid dose, (after initial daily dosing), to
eod in an attempt to avoid prolonged use reactions. Unfortunately, the
result in these cases is usually the same, the cat crashes and there's no way
to tell if it's a result of prolonged steroid use, the tapering of the
steroid, or the lymphoma itself. Nasty business this.
So, even
with discussing things over with the vet, my decision made this morning stands
for now. I wish there were some way to make Spencer "all better", since
that doesn't appear to be possible, (at least not without Divine Intervention,
and I don't need a vet for that), I will make the time he has the best quality
that I can.
Nina
Nina wrote:
Hello
Everyone,
That was my first reaction too. I even said to the vet's
assistant that I needed my answers BEFORE I brought Spencer in again.
It was her suggestion to bring him anyway. Let me clarify something
... The doctor that is insisting on the consultation in person is not
my regular internist. She got on the case because when Spencer was
failing, my regular vet was not on duty and I wanted him seen asap.
I've been tip toeing around trying not to offend this woman, she has been
pretty good for the most part and I figured three heads were better than
two.
I've been thinking long and hard about all this, as you can
imagine. I have been talking to Spencer, doing my best to make a
decision based on everyone's best interests. The pressure to decide
quickly (given that remission is more likely in the beginning stages of
cancer), has made it all the more difficult to think clearly. I'm
disappointed that the vet won't discuss things over the phone and I don't
have enough history with her to assume she's right in insisting that I come
in there. Perhaps she's just tired of trying to discuss things with me
over the phone and through a third party. (Every answer she gives me
prompts two or three more questions).
Looking at Spencer, seeing the
burst of quality life the steroid shots have given him, suspecting that
putting him through the tests, office visits and treatments, will at best
buy him more time, but not necessarily QUALITY time... I'm having a
hard time making my decision final by writing to all of you about it, but I
am very close to deciding to stop all hope of a medical intervention miracle
and just enjoy the time we have together as things stand. That doesn't
mean that I'll ever give up hope that Spencer will somehow miraculously
rally, that by some chance he doesn't have cancer at all, it's all a big
mistake and he'll just continue to improve and get well. I have,
however, been around this disease long enough to recognize the sounding of
the closing bell when I hear it. I can't tell you the number of times
my heart has sank reading posts on this list from kitty guardians with the
same symptoms that Spencer has presented.
I was discussing with my
sister yesterday about how reluctant I am to put Spencer through any more
stress. About how even if we did get a definitive diagnosis of a
specific cancer, I'm not at all sure I'd want to treat him for it.
Something my sister said has been echoing through my mind... She said,
it seemed to her that putting Spencer through a battery of tests with the
HOPE, (not the suspicion), of it being something curable, was not reason
enough to disturb what may very well be his last days. I've
always been grateful when one of my loved ones has had good final days with
a quick and peaceful passing. Buying more time with Spencer, if that's
even possible, does not seem worth the cost.
I just got a call from
Hideyo. Hideyo reminded me that animals live in the NOW. Taking
a moment away from the rambling I've been doing to you kind folks has
helped. I went and gave Spencer some food. Petting him as
he ate, I felt some of this awful weight lifting from both our
shoulders. I'm not saying I won't change my mind again, but I'm
feeling a sense of calm and peace that has been rare since Spence first
started showing symptoms. It leads me to believe I'm on the right
track here. He came back from what seemed like the dead to be with
me. That's just what I'm going to allow him to do; BE with me in the
now.
Thanks for being my sounding board and indulging me while I
think out loud. As always, I'm so very grateful to the support of this
group,
Nina
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