At 08:47 AM 7/16/2007, you wrote:
Oh Caroline
I am so truly sorry and i wish i had some magic words to help the
pain..but Ido not soi can say that I understand you much you are
hurting and if all of us here each take a little but of your
pain,,,that may help a little bit.
Time WILL be your friend,,and of course all of us here who feel like
we are living aboard the Titanic,,,,just waiting with no lifeboats
available,,,but we have each other and we give our kitties the best
of everything, We should always remember that unlike ourselves, They
live in the present and for Monkee that present was full of love
Kelly
My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him
with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m.
We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning
at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he
wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never
been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I
feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble
breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him
and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble
walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to
do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting
enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain
or suffer and I feel like I failed him.
He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was
happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last
gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt
like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my
mom was that she has "rescue remedy" with her and we both took it
right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it
happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue
remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards
and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two
hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be
the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on
the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to
hold him while sitting on the front steps.
I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it
be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just
feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and
traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his
passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last
breath. I don't how to recover from that.
I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone,
that loneliness is crashing in.
I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and
give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I
admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have
lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you
do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your
babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many
of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee,
but I will be praying for you now.
I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the
power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you
experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little
ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could
catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in
Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't
take his living it up in "the killing fields"- as I called it-
anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal
cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already
neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He
was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past
year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in
my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting,
cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first
time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my
life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours. After lots of
love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience
as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He
would comfort me when something went horribly wrong in my life and
the past 4 years have been pretty turbulent for me so he had a lot
of comforting to do. He was what always cheered me up when I was at
my lowest low and he was what kept going. He slept on my bed with
me every night and even when I was just away for one night, I would
miss him and miss having him there in the morning to wake up
with. I am going to miss him so much.
I also wanted to say "Thank You" for being such an instant support
group for Monkee and I. We really needed help these past few weeks
and you all really came through for us.
Thank you,
Caroline
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