Caroline,
I'm trying not to cry at work-such a shock since I thought Monkee would hang in there a bit longer-poor guy. Even though you were so upset when he was passing, and his look haunts you, at least you can feel better knowing that you were there for him. Imagine if he had been all alone without anyone to hold him and be there for him as he parted. You were able to show your love to the very end. Even though it's so sad and heart-breaking, Monkee's story is truly a happy one since his life would have been so horrific had you not rescued him. It sounds as though you both needed each other, but now remember Monkee in his happy times. Think of him on his porch or staring down the outside cats or anything funny that amused you-think of these things instead whenever you find yourself reflecting on his last moments-those were only moments whereas you have years of happy times together to remember and to comfort you. It's going to take a while, but I'm sure the guilt will pass. You did the best for him-more than the majority of people would do-and you are a special person for that who deserves an award-not guilt. Thanks for being a kindred spirit and a compassionate person. I'm so sorry for your loss! My thoughts and prayers are with you. Melissa _____ From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Caroline Kaufmann Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 10:48 AM To: [email protected] Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has "rescue remedy" with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in "the killing fields"- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours. After lots of love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He would comfort me when something went horribly wrong in my life and the past 4 years have been pretty turbulent for me so he had a lot of comforting to do. He was what always cheered me up when I was at my lowest low and he was what kept going. He slept on my bed with me every night and even when I was just away for one night, I would miss him and miss having him there in the morning to wake up with. I am going to miss him so much. I also wanted to say "Thank You" for being such an instant support group for Monkee and I. We really needed help these past few weeks and you all really came through for us. Thank you, Caroline _____ Missed <http://g.msn.com/8HMAENUS/2743??PS=47575> the show? Watch videos of the Live Earth Concert on MSN.
