Hello All:

I'm going to make this somewhat brief as I've had my last two messages NOT post..nor had I received any group messages until about 5 minutes ago.. My remaining cat ( Magellin..  nee   Jelly )  who is my little love...  much like Amani's Zander.  Stopped eating a week and one half ago...  Hospitalized for two days and vet said very bad URI and possible lungworm This was the vet the shelter uses and they often don't look to hard first time out to save the shelter $$...    Long Story short ( just as matters went with my other little guy) I had to spend the money anyway to get an accurate DX...    He has a tumor ( likely lymphoma) just forward of his heart... a WBC of 186000 and rapidly dropping HCT ( 5 weeks earlier I had an extensive wellness exam on him and he was FINE... top of the chart HCT... just a couple of other glitches... He really HATES being force fed and I don't know I am doing him any favors prolonging his life this way as it is not likely that he is going to begin to eat again on his own if it is the tumor and the Virus that are causing the loss of appetite...OR making it difficult for him TO eat ( though he does seem to do OK with the Pica that alerted me to the fact that he might be anemic... he was eating cat litter and licking the cement powder off the laundry room floor).... I force fed him for a week in hopes that he might begin to eat again on his own....  He's on Mirtazapine, Prednisolone, Winstrol and Doxy right now but It's literally killing me to have my little boy just unable to play or eat or enjoy being petted...   All the best of what we had is in abeyance....    I don't want him to starve to death but if I keep him alive by force feeding him  I could just be setting him up for death by another means ( he is clearly having difficulty breathing...using accessory muscles...  only occassionally lying on his side comfortably).....  He does not appear to be in abject pain so I am reluctant to put him down but it is SO trying for me particularly in he wake of losing my other little guy only a couple of months ago after nearly a year of trying to get him well......   And, once again, there is the damn matter of financial limitations.   If there were a "cure" and it cost me a few thousand I would spend the money.. but with a FeLV cat it is highly questionable if thousands spent could even guarantee a few more months....  Currently I am force feeding him a few oz's a day of AD with a calorie supplement paste mixed in... Just enough to keep him from starving and giving him some fluid... just in case buying him a few extra days witnesses any kind of change for the positive with the meds he's getting.....      I'm trying NOT to give in to putting him down now to save ME the heartache of watching another cat die over a matter of months...   Living alone and having no one  to talk to about this that shares my feelings for this guy and won't get VERY tired of hearing about it  makes it that much more difficult.....  I'm getting VERY depressed and closure could at least leave me having only grief to deal with...which is, frankly, a LOT easier than the daily....   " is he doing better"?  " maybe a miracle will occur"... or putting him on my chest only to have him be so uncomfortable there that he immediately leaves....   That's the hardest part.... He's here physically but I no longer have MY Jelly...   Thanks for listening...   any suggestions welcome...
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