Carla, I'm so sorry about Charmed. When DiDi and Tuffy were first diagnosed and I was lurking here, and searching the archives to educate myself on Felv, I read about Charmed and I thought to myself, "He is one of the lucky ones." I still think that. It is unfair that he died so young, but man was that little guy loved! It came through so strongly in everything you wrote about him. You packed a lot of love into his life, and I'm positive that you gave him way more time than he would have had without you. Remember that he lived day to day, and he didn't fear death, and he didn't measure his own life or compare it to what other kitties get. I hope you will feel some solace soon, and be able to sleep and not cry so much.
Peace, Jolene [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: > ------- Forwarded Message Follows ------- > From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > Date sent: Sun, 11 Nov 2001 21:26:36 EST > Subject: charmed > To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > Once again It's never easy to say goodbye. > > I have shed so many tears with this group in grieving for others losses of > their furbabies including my Spider not too long ago. Now I am sorry to say > I have to shed more tears for one of my sweetest kid; Charmed. > > We lost him Sunday morning 9:25am. As you know we found lymphoma 12 days > ago. The our vet was very shocked due to Charmed has been the "opposite to > what a felv positive cat should be" (in their minds). The gave him 2 to 3 > months. This past Tuesday Charmed was having problems breathing so we > admitted him into Red Bank Hospital and to see the oncologist also. He was in > oxygen for day then after a shot of predizone and his first chemo he was home > a day later and doing quite well. The only thing that he hated was the pills. > It brought backs sweet memories of Ms Olivia (who most of you remember) who > two months ago. > > Thursday he was so happy to be home. He at pretty good and was purrying > away. Charmed didn't seem to interest in food on Friday so I went to pick > him up some AD. I was felt bad giving him byproducts but at this point I > didn't care. We I had to go out of my way to get AD and wouldn't you know > he hated it. I syringe some down him and he spit it right out at me. But > later he did eat a can of Max cat he was so happy rolling and purring then he > started to choke after he started to purr. > > Saturday I sryinged some of the juices out of the gravy style food and he > took that. Saturday I went to adoption and he was sprawled out in the small > room. Looked happy and comfy. When I came home I knew something wasn’t > right. He looked sick he was staring at the ceiling and air. He let me > syringe some nutra cal. He began to breath off and on with his mouth open > then he stopped. > > He was still alert when he saw his brother in the other room, but instead of > racing over he got up walked over slowly bent down and nuzzled him then > walked back into his room I think now he was saying goodbye. TC (his brother > ) raced in and sat down next to him. Then one of his sisters came in sat > behind him and kept nuzzling his tail. Now for the strange part; my cats one > by one came into the room. This is a small room they all came in except my > blind cat. Then my one cat nuzzled Charmed, this is not like Little One at > all to do. She then chased all the cats out of the room and got real close > to Charmed and sat there as if she was conforting him. I broke down and > cried for the first time in front of him, he looked up and tilted his head > not sure I guess why I or what I was doing but sense my saddness and moved > over next to me. > > I have not slept good in the last few days and Saturday was just as bad. I > got up and checked Charmed at 3am he was standing just looking. At 6:00 I > got up held him told him I loved him and it well be ok. 7:30 I called Diane > and told her Charmed doesn't look too good and isn't breathing too good. She > said take him down to Red Bank admit him. So I called he had an appointment > for Monday so I figured he would stay over night. I put him in the carrier > he didn't seem to care like he did on Tuesday. But he had his back to me the > whole way down which he usually looks at me and like to hold paw to finger > when we go (if possible). > > When I got there I said we are here. I packed some of his food this time > and his favorite things for the over nighter. I told him he would be find > and I would see him tomorrow. He seemed better when I looked at him in the > car. When the tech came out I said he is breathing better she looked in and > said he's going in to respiratory failure. She ran him in the back. They > came out asked for permission to xray. I still wasn't worried at this point > or maybe I didn't hear her say "failure" and thought she said having > respiratory difficulty I really don't remember things got a little fuzzy > then. Then she came back asked me to follow her and she said the doctor will > be in. I was in a room with xray so I figured she would be coming in to show > me the mass is getting bigger not smaller. She walked in and said "I'm sorry > Charmed went into cardiac arrest, he died. We have a tub down him to get > oxygen but he is not responding. Do you want us to try and revive him? " I > had think what is best for Charmed not Carla. Looking at the vet's face and > her words "try". As I burst into tears "NO". She told me I made the right > choice. I asked to see him. She said to follow her but warned me that he is > dead but his relaxes are making him choking still. She told me that she > brought him in heard a lot of crackling liquid in his lungs and asked the > tech to get me to OK the xray. When she left to get me she said he vomited > and died. I asked them to give him something to stop the choking even though > he was gone I wanted him to go with dignity. I lay over him crying. Around > me where all sorts of animals being worked on but they were nice enough to > let me back there during all this. I kept apologizing to him and the tech > took me hugged me and said "I was a good Mommy, I did all I could". She kept > patting me on the back. If I was a good mommy why do I feel so bad? But > now they injected him with something and said his heart has totally stopped. > They let me take him into a room and hold him by now I have made some of > them start to cry along with me including the doctor had a tear or two. > > They were very compassionate I did't know anyone there and yet they were > understanding. The vet came into the room and told me she sees this a lot > with felv cats they are healthy no signs of sickness then they get this and > by the time they show signs it's really at a late stage. It was nice of her > to talk to me and let me stay as long as I wanted. I know the oncologist > told Diane it was pretty hopeless but she wanted to do what we could to by > time for another alternative. I would liked to have tried some other things > but with my period of time I was runny out. I drove home crying and so sick > to my stomach. They gave me a box of tissue for the ride home. Which were > not enough. > > I know that many of you have been down this road before, I have too and it > doesn't get easier. He must have know the night before Charmed must of knew when he >went > over to TC. His one sister didn't come into that room that night. I put him > down in my bedroom and cried more. Beauty came over (his other sister) she > bend down sniffed and licked him. Her and TC took turns sitting next to > him. Finally Mu came over and sniffed. > > I keep saying he was one of the lucky ones that at least he didn't suffer > long. He was happy and healthy for a long time 15.5 lb. he only 1 2/3 lb. > when he went. I think he was OK free of pain till Tuesday. I still can't > believe he was bouncing off the walls last Sunday. Maybe if we knew about the cancer > earlier there could of been more we could have done but I think he > was too far along with the cancer from what the oncologist said he > sounded more like it was hopeless but was willing to let us try. I > think all the good food and supplements keep him as healthy as he > was till this past week. They said they don't see many cats that > far along looking or acting like he did. > > If all the crying and could bring him back he would have been back in my arms right >after he was > pronounced dead. > > I would like to write a little something in his remembrance. I will do that > a few days when I can come to terms with my last two weeks. I really thought > I was going to take him down for oxygen I never knew I was taking him for his > last ride. I think he knew and held on till we got down there knowing I > would of flipped out if he was home. My regret that he died looking at a > stranger not me. > > I feel this is a bad dream I miss my little guy so much. > > It is Monday and I still feel like you know what. Besides feeling > empty and abandoned. I would rather be at home drowning my > sorrows in some bourbon I really don't feel like being at work today. > > > Thanks for letting me grieve. > > Carla
