Hmm, okay. I'm a Haruhi fan, so -- despite the rather depressing title -- let's have a look.
On 6/07/2007, at 04:14, DB Sommer wrote: > Once Kozue was out of sight, the Nurse Akagi continued walking with > the > child in her arms until she entered the newborn’s ward. She lay the > child in her assigned crib and cradled the infant’s cherubic face. Remove "the" before "Nurse Akagi". Or, remove "Akagi". > “But, ironically, despite your encompassing the entire world in your > reality warping powers, once you’re defeated, everything snapped > back to > normal, with only a handful at the center of your defeat remember only > the faintest of details of your tampering. Meaning your death today > will > change nothing of consequence in the future.” Doesn't quite make sense. Suggest: ... once you were defeated, everything spanned back to normal, with only a handful at the center of your defeat remembering the faintest of details ... This fixes the tense problems and the repetition of "only". > This one didn’t really fit in the proper Avengers story, so it > became a > side story. It also shows Kang’s still active and manipulating events. > It also uses the age old moral question of ‘if you could go back in > time > and kill Hitler as an infant, before he committed the atrocities he > did, > would you do it?” Bit of a stretch to compare Haruhi to Hitler, of course. Though I suppose Kyon might not quite agree. :) All in all ... hm, what can I say? Short, to the point, and utterly merciless. An effective interlude. Cheers, Angus ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Angus MacSpon Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ICQ: 65719513 http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/ --- .-------Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List--------. | Administrators - [EMAIL PROTECTED] | | Unsubscribing - [EMAIL PROTECTED] | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `------------ FAQ URL coming soon.... -------------'
