Reading back over the story and C&C, I am obliged to wonder if you are _trying_
to make the Last Mage Of The Moon Kingdom less likable than his Youma slave.
Bets on Luna getting bound to Usagi before the smoke settles?
--- The Eternal Lost Lurker <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
>
> Not quite as long as I thought it was going to be, because I cut some bits
> short.
Darn. Oh Well.
>
> Once again:
>
> Mature content warning - strong language, suggestive dialogue, and
> objectionable content. Reader discretion is advised.
>
> C&C welcome.
Will random free associating comments do?
>
>
>
> ===========================================
>
> She stood silently on the roof of the school, watching the sun rise over the
> foolish city of weak, pathetic humans.
>
> Her instincts were to descend into the living mass below and rend, tear,
> rip, kill, devour--to take the souls of these prey creatures for her own, to
> become stronger, to...
>
> But she served a master whose will was much stronger. She had her orders,
> and had been forbidden from doing anything to draw undue attention to
> herself.
>
> She sighed as the sun became a bright yellow-gold pool of fire on the
> horizon, tinging the hazy clouds with the light of early morning.
>
> Soon, it would be time to begin. She had much to prepare...
Lemme guess, MOTW?
> The vice-principal coughed once, then opened a folder and withdrew a single
> sheet of paper from it. "We will, of course, not be alerting the
> authorities. The negative attention that would bring to the school would be
> far more damaging than the behaviour alluded to by Kanzou-sensei's
> observations." He paused, then started to speak again. "Now, Kino-san, as a
> man of responsibility and as a teacher, I feel I must--"
>
> "Skip the lecture," Makoto bit off tersely. "This isn't the first time I've
> had to put up with this shit. Just give me the fucking expulsion slip and
> I'll get out of your hair."
>
> The vice-principal's eyebrows climbed, and his eyes narrowed. "Kino-san,
> your tone is dangerous. You should keep your position in mind, and--"
>
> "My position?" Makoto demanded angrily. "I'll tell you my POSITION. It's
> FLAT ON MY DAMN BACK, every goddamn night, usually with people JUST LIKE
> YOU, who are married, or have children my age--or even older! Disgusting,
> filthy pedophiles, perverts, disgraces...if their employers, if the police,
> knew half of what I've seen in the last two years..."
If anyone thought you were doing the Happy Hooker angle here you have cleared
them up. Given what she indicated she did with her uncle, I wonder if her pimp
should consider crosstraining her as an enforcer.
> Only the most observant would have noticed a glance pass between the
> quasi-popular class ditz, Tsukino Usagi, and the friendless, unapproachable
> model student, Mizuno Ami. Such an observant person would have noticed a
> very slight change in the usually hostile, aloof gaze the genius girl held
> for all of her classmates, and the barest nod of--respect?--she afforded the
> long-haired girl before returning to her textbook.
It's a start.
> *Two to find,* she mused. *Mars and Jupiter...or Mars and Venus...or Jupiter
> and Venus...what kind of people will they be? What kind of powers do they
> have? I hope they're a little less mean and grumpy than Ami-san...*
>
> A piece of chalk bounced off her forehead, to the laughs of several
> classmates. "TSU-KI-NO-SAN!" the teacher growled.
>
> Usagi laughed nervously. Across the room, Ami frowned, pushed her glasses
> up, and turned a page.
*snort*
> //Ah. Well, um...I can't get any of the other girls. They're scared of these
> guys. I figured, you being, um...//
>
> "This REALLY isn't the best time," Makoto practically growled. *I wouldn't
> do THAT even on a GOOD day.*
>
> //Mako-chan...// Motoki whined. //Come on, kitten, it's 120,000 yen...//
>
> Makoto blinked. *THAT much? Holy--* "Motoki? I..." She sighed. "Alright, but
> these guys better behave themselves, or I'm taking it out of YOUR ass."
Well... better working conditions than it could have been....
> After the final bell, Mina collected her things, then moved to stand by the
> dark-haired girl's desk as she put away her books. "Hino-san, was it?" she
> asked.
>
> The girl looked up, her face impassive. "Hai." She frowned. "You're the
> transfer student. The Amerikajin."
>
> Mina pulled a face. "I'm British, not American."
>
> "Oh. I apologise."
>
> "Eh, easy enough mistake around here." *Right. Like I sound anything like a
> sodding Yank...* "Anyway, my name's Mina."
>
> "My name is Rei." Rei stood, hefting her bag over her shoulder. "It has been
> a pleasure."
Soo... Venus and Mars may walk thier own path for a minute, esp. if things do
not go well for our friend and the next one looks for easier hunting
grounds....
> Rei stopped walking, turned to face Mina, and considered her carefully. Then
> the barest hint of a smile touched her face. "You are very forward,
> Mina-san. It is an unusual thing here, to be this forward."
>
> "So I've heard."
>
> Rei continued onward, Mina trailing a pace behind her. She decided not to
> say anything else for a few minutes, having sensed that perhaps it would be
> best to wait for the other girl to speak next.
>
> After a few minutes, they approached a bus stop. "My bus will arrive
> momentarily," Rei said. "Where I live...is very far from the school, and
> most likely from your home as well. We can speak again tomorrow, if you--"
>
> "Actually, do you mind if I tag along on the bus?" At Rei's sharp glance,
> she added, "I'm not in any hurry to get home, so I don't care if I get a
> little sidetracked." She paused, then admitted, "I'm kind of pissed at my
> mum, so I like to put off going home as long as possible."
>
> Something sympathetic flashed in Rei's eyes for a moment. Then it was gone,
> her face impassive once more, but she nodded. "I do not object."
Seems a little more like Ayanami than Hino, or is this more a matter of control
than anything.
> Class 2-C was in for a surprise Tuesday morning.
>
> "Everyone, we have a new student today! I'll just let her introduce herself
> before we head for the auditorium for the health lecture."
>
> The class murmured; the new girl was very, VERY tall, and had a rather
> prominent bust. She was still wearing the uniform of her previous school,
> and her brown hair was tied up in a high ponytail. She bowed stiffly. "Kino
> Makoto. I am pleased to be here."
>
> The teacher observed her with some concern. "Kino-san, are you alright? You
> seem to be in pain..."
>
> Makoto grimaced, but waved a hand dismissively. "I just pulled something
> last night. It's of no consequence."
Ow....
No way to accuse of oversharing, but the implications... ow.
> As they stood, the principal came out onto the stage, and spoke into the
> microphone on the podium. "As per instructions from the Ministry of
> Education, you will now listen to a special health lecture. May I introduce
> Kamiki Amami-san."
Are we to get something about the name?
> It was as her gaze drifted over a girl with long, tea-coloured hair that she
> felt a strange sensation, the hair on the back of her neck prickling.
>
> The girl looked up, met her gaze with a startled, guilty expression, then
> smiled shyly before returning her attention to the front of the room.
>
> *Okay, what was THAT?*
....
Look on the bright side Usagi, she is probably not quite a mean/grumpy as Ami
and has more reason to be.
> In the empty classrooms on the second-years' floor, something very unusual
> was taking place.
>
> Sheets of paper--loose writing paper, old tests, freshly copied
> worksheets--rose into the air, folding themselves into neat origami cranes,
> and flew high into the corners. As each crane reached a corner of the room,
> it unfolded, pressing itself flush against the wall. Charcoal-black runes
> burned into the center of each leaf, emitting a thin trail of smoke which
> dissipated rapidly. The runes pulsed with a red glow, and then the
> oddly-behaved pages faded from view, blending flawlessly into the walls
> behind them.
This is bad.
> Makoto had braced herself for the usual lunchtime rush of chatter,
> questions, and intensive interest that accompanied her transition into a new
> school. However, for some reason, very few people seemed motivated enough to
> approach her, and indeed there was a general lull of apathy hovering through
> the class.
>
> She herself felt...listless, tired; not in the way she usually did after a
> gruelling night at "work", but in a deeper, more bone-weary way. Even the
> teachers, she had noticed, were becoming somewhat lifeless. Their Japanese
> history teacher had even fallen asleep during his own lecture.
>
> School finally ended, and the students departed in a shuffling malaise.
> Makoto went straight home, turned off the phone, and collapsed on her bed.
>
> Wednesday did not seem to be much of an improvement. Everyone seemed a bit
> better rested and lively at first, but almost as soon as homeroom began, the
> lethargy and apathy of the previous day returned in full force.
Tone it down, spread it out more, and this could be a _real_ smart move on the
Dark Kingdom's part.
> "I'm sorry, but that's not going to happen! School sucks the life out of
> students on its own, without any help from monsters like you! Your presence
> is not welcome here, youma! We've got you outnumbered, and we're sending you
> to the paper shredder!'
>
> Mercury groaned into her gloved palm. "Embarassing."
But a classic.
> Makoto stared down at her wrist, a sudden strange sensation overtaking her
> senses. *This is...not happening,* she thought. *This is some kind of...*
>
> She heard another scream, and the delighted roars of the monster.
>
> She scowled. Whatever was going on, those girls had just saved her life, and
> they needed help...
>
> With determination, Makoto stood, clenching her fist, and screamed the words
> that blazed through her mind:
>
> "Jupiter Power, MAKE-UP!"
Cue BGM: Thunderstruck by AC/DC
Nice job.
> =-------------=
>
> to be continued
>
> =-------------=
But cruel.
HTG
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