> Hmm, I kinda vaguely remember reading this chapter... a really long time
> ago. It does seem better this time around, both the spelling and grammar
> are very clean. But... Sakura's telling of the assault on the castle seemed
> a bit off with the repeated 'I' did this or that statements. I think you
> had her grandfather telling it the first time, and when you reworked it, it
> didn't quite mesh as a tale told from Sakura to Hinata.
The scene was always told as a story Sakura's grandfather told to her,
and it's relayed just as Sakura heard it. The prose displayed is _not_
what Hinata hears. That's intentional ^_^;...
>
> Also, does Sakura have any idea what the seal on Hinata's forehead means for
> her? Seems not, or she'd mention it more. And Hinata, apart from the brief
> bit of giddy cursing, seems more upset by being naked than having been
> recently sealed. Wouldn't that kind of... demotion leave her in a bad or
> sad mood for longer? I mean, if it's so fresh that it's still leaving
> bloodstains on the bandage, that doesn't give a whole lot of time to get
> over something as major as being stuck in the Branch family.
Sakura doesn't press because it really is a senstive issule, from her
point of view, so she'd prefer if Hinata said only what she is
comfortable with, and Hinata's behavior really depends on how Hinata
sees her position in the clan changing...
>
> These comments aside, I've quite enjoyed Suiren and I'm looking forward to a
> new chapter.
>
Thanks! Hopefully i'll have it done within the month ^_^;...
~Eimii
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