fwd -
>> Belgians Lead Push for Regime Change in America
>>
>> September 24, 2002
>> By Phil Lebovits
>>
>> Spurred by reports of an aggressive military
>> build-up and failure to reign in corporate terrorists,
>> the government of Belgium is pressing for a
>> preemptive strike against the
>> regime of George W. Bush.
>>
>> "We cannot sit idly by and eat our delicious chocolates
>> while the United States government engages in a
>> policy of harassment," Belgian Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt
>> said in a nationally-televised address to the Belgian
>> people. "Now is the time for action. We cannot waffle."
>>
>> Recent reports from Belgian intelligence sources
>> indicate that the United States is now in possession of
>> weapons of mass destruction - chemical, biological and nuclear.
>> "We know that the United States has nuclear weapons and
>> that they have actually used them in the past," intoned
>> the Prime Minister. "There is no reason to think they will
>> not use them in the future."
>>
>> Verhofstadt is insisting that United Nations weapon
>> inspectors be given "unfettered access to the
>> massive stockpiles" of weapons, and that they be
>> destroyed immediately.
>>
>> "We stand at the crossroads," pleaded Verhofstadt.
>> "Either the United States agrees to our demands, or
>> we will be forced to put down our delicious chocolates and
>> lead the way for permanent regime change. Remember,
>> my dear Walloons, the current clique in Washington was
>> elected in direct contravention of the will of the American people.
>> Regime change will be welcomed by their citizens."
>>
>> Reaction to the speech throughout Europe was swift.
>> "We stand with our Belgian brothers," offered French
>> President Jacques Chirac. "France is willing to commit
>> thirty-five troops and many cases of fine champagne
>> to the cause. We cannot stand on the sidelines
>> enjoying our delicious baguettes while our comrades from
>> Antwerp go it alone. Let me assure the dear Prime Minister.
>> France is with you, almost."
>>
>> Russian President Vladimir Putin did not mince any
>> words. "Again, it is the powerful Belgians who must lead
>> the world against aggression and American hegemony.
>> Russia stands with her European allies and insists that the
>> United States disarm unilaterally. I only wish we too had
>> delicious foods."
>>
>> Following the speech, the mood at the White House
>> was one of defiance. "Let the Belgians make their empty
>> threats," said White House spokesman Ari Fleischer.
>> "We are urging Hershey's and Mars and other fine American
>> chocolate makers to increase their yummy output by
>> two-hundred percent in the coming weeks. We intend to
>> break up the evil-doing Belgian chocolate cartel once and for all."
>>
>> Vice President Dick Cheney was even more bellicose.
>> Speaking directly underneath Karl Rove from an undisclosed
>> underground bunker, the Vice President warned of
>> dire consequences should Belgium make a preemptive strike.
>>
>> "We are prepared to strike back with alarming
>> force," said Cheney. "The Belgians cannot bully us. They
>> may be the world's only superpower, but we here in America have
>> God on our side. To hell with their delicious chocolate treats."
>>
>> Verhofstadt, while unyielding in tone and substance,
>> did offer the Americans a plausible way out. "I call upon
>> George W. Bush to capture Sheik Kenneth Lay, Imam
>> Dennis Kozlowski, and the entire Worldcom terrorist organization,
>> and to hand them over to an international tribunal. The
>> United States can no longer harbor agents of terrorism.
>> You are either with us or against us."
>>
>> Back in Washington, the Joint Chiefs of Staff and
>> National Security Advisor Condaleeza Rice were trying eagerly
>> to persuade President Bush that there was indeed a country
>> named Belgium.
