oh boy, I remember kicking this around for ever as well ...
My solution was to 1) be sure you have development rpms installed and 2) do not use "--disable-shared" when running configure. I don't know exactly why this changed things, but compiling with shared libraries it was able to find and use all the necessary mysql libs and includes.
I installed the following MySQL rpms (Redhat) : MySQL-devel-4.0.16-0 MySQL-shared-compat-4.0.16-0 MySQL-client-4.0.16-0 MySQL-server-4.0.16-0
Aha. Mysql4 changes some stuff. On Solaris we had to change some of the Makefiles manually to get all of the appropriate libs included to build the rlm_mysql driver built. It may be the same on RH as well.
Helpfully, MySQL 3 build syntax is not totally workable with MySQL 4 at least as far as FR is concerned.
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