Actually, Jon, I liked your original final line best. I take your point about Frost, but perhaps there is more about the compositional spirit of Haiku that survives, beyond line and meter counts.
The first line will often establish place and condition, frequently with one or another seasonal reference that has stylized associations. In the middle is some particular action or observation. But in the spirit of the Zen aesthetic, the final line is meant to deliver a suddenness of recognition of the essence of some experience. (I take for granted that you already know all this, and probably better than I do. And of course none of these is a “rule”; variants of inclusion, exclusion, and order of elements are all explored.) In something that is either my delight in the absurd, or sincere — I can’t tell, which probably means it is both — to end a poem with a question about genetic variants seems somehow perfect. Eric > On Feb 4, 2021, at 3:23 PM, jon zingale <[email protected]> wrote: > > Above my house, an unkindness of ravens flew. > And distinguished from the many was one > whose feathers shone white, almost translucent > against the sky in the bright sunlight. > Is this a common genetic variant? > > > > -- > Sent from: http://friam.471366.n2.nabble.com/ > > - .... . -..-. . -. -.. -..-. .. ... -..-. .... . .-. . > FRIAM Applied Complexity Group listserv > Zoom Fridays 9:30a-12p Mtn GMT-6 bit.ly/virtualfriam > un/subscribe > https://linkprotect.cudasvc.com/url?a=http%3a%2f%2fredfish.com%2fmailman%2flistinfo%2ffriam_redfish.com&c=E,1,wFPGqsnqZC0uDQeQMEaxGIOG5i7ZhSZrUqfxgN3JvFh_L9DYCjRZOpLK45RPRrBFPrlPwJjcZesODXd1xP-jcB4oLbquJhVKmMWUmrRA9Q,,&typo=1 > FRIAM-COMIC > https://linkprotect.cudasvc.com/url?a=http%3a%2f%2ffriam-comic.blogspot.com%2f&c=E,1,9dgtW1teHjXisHPp9TNM3arQlUEWu7r1SCzD2P8JHfxJcFf3fIhLPVb051sZ14XGgMe04xiOoUOa8jd7ixN-eFUvbSfKJsEkRI8mNUHNBBY,&typo=1 > archives: http://friam.471366.n2.nabble.com/ - .... . -..-. . -. -.. -..-. .. ... -..-. .... . .-. . FRIAM Applied Complexity Group listserv Zoom Fridays 9:30a-12p Mtn GMT-6 bit.ly/virtualfriam un/subscribe http://redfish.com/mailman/listinfo/friam_redfish.com FRIAM-COMIC http://friam-comic.blogspot.com/ archives: http://friam.471366.n2.nabble.com/
