>It has now been proven that laughter is good for the heart....
>
> Her Majesty's Foreign and Commonwealth Office has just released the
>following:
>
> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
>
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
>govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
>independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
>will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other
>territories: except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister
>(The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been
>unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister
>for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate
>will be disbanded. A Questionnaire will be circulated next year to
>determine whether any of you noticed.
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
>rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
>look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
>just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise
>your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same
>twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
>know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
>"interspersed".
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
>your behalf.
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
>really isn't that hard.
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
>good guys.
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
>Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task One.We do not want you
>to get confused and give up half way through.
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
>football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
>game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
>borders
> may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
>longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
>Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult
>game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
>(which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for
>a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like
>nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by
>2005.
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
>they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is
>a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
> have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
>national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
>own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
>
>
>
> For and on behalf of Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
>
>
>
>George Francis,
>Department of Environment and Resource Studies,
>University of Waterloo,
>Ontario, Canada, N2L 3G1
>(519) 885-1211, Extension 3061
>
