I forget where I got it. It was in some old emails I was cleaning up and thought it too good to just let go. (I think it originated from someone deep in a govt department who was working out in humour some of the contradictions of the his/her daily bureaucratic life.)
arthur -----Original Message----- From: mcandreb [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] Sent: Friday, January 31, 2003 5:15 AM To: Cordell, Arthur: ECOM; [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: Re: [Futurework] If airlines sold paint Hi Arthur I laughed so hard I scared my dog Trudeau. Did you create this? Air Farce or 22 minutes would love it. Thanks for this morning chuckle (guffaw!) Brian > Don't if I posted this before or not. > > Subject: If Air Canada sold paint. > > ============================================== > > > > First, a review of how ordinary hardware stores sell paint. > > Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? > > Clerk: We have regular quality paint for $18 a gallon and premium > paint > for $25. How many gallons would you like? > > Customer: Five gallons of regular paint please. > > Clerk: Great. That will be $90 plus tax. > > ________________________________________________________ > > Now, imagine you are buying paint from Air Canada. > > First you spend days trying to reach them by phone to ask if they have > paint. Nobody answers, so you drive to an Air Canada store. > > Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? > > Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. > > Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price? > > Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different > prices up to $200 a gallon. > > Customer: What's the difference in the paint? > > Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint. > > Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint. > > Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint? > > Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off. > > Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint. > > Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint? > > Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about three > weeks. > But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that > week > and continue painting until at least Sunday. > > Customer: You've got to be kidding! > > Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available. > > Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it! > > Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell only > a > certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, > the > price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more $12 paint. > > Customer: The price went up as we were talking? > > Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a > day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your > paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your > paint as > soon as possible. How many gallons do you want? > > Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have > enough. > > Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use > it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you > already > have. > > Customer: WHAT? > > Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and > north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you > will lose your remaining gallons of paint. > > Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already > paid you for it! > > Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, > every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems. > > Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I > don't keep painting until after Saturday night! > > Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the > $200 paint. > > Customer: But what are all these "Paint on sale from $10 a gallon" > signs? > > Clerk: Well, that's for our budget paint. It only comes in > half-gallons. > One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon > to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are > empty, > and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans. > > Customer: To hell with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else! > > Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your > bathroom, bedrooms, kitchen and dining room from someone > else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway > from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in > only > one direction it will be $300 a gallon. > > Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200! > > Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you > started. A hallway is different. > > Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one > direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint. > > Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on > your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it now, sir. > > Customer: You're insane! > > Clerk: But we're now Canada's only paint supplier! And don't go > looking > for bargains! Thanks for painting with Air Canada. Next! > > _______________________________________________ Futurework mailing list [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://scribe.uwaterloo.ca/mailman/listinfo/futurework
