Excellent material, Steve. Your composition or someone else's? Oliver Barry, CRS, GRI Real Estate Broker Bob Parks, LLC 1517 Hunt Club Blvd Gallatin TN 37066 615-972-4239 615-826-4040 Sent from my iPhone
On Oct 5, 2012, at 8:05 PM, Steve McKibben <[email protected]> wrote: > LSU fans smell just like corn dogs. > > Yes, it is often said, but so, so true. > > LSU fans do smell like corn dogs. > > I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something better > said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid. > > I am afraid that they'll know I said it. I'll walk past an LSU fan someday, > and he'll see that look in my eye that gives it away. That look that says, > "gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?" The next thing you know, I'll > have flat tires on my car. > > If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU fans how > they smell - you know, like corn dogs. > > LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue. > I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you > attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell like > corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, "Wow, LSU sure does have a great > team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game." > > It's hard. I know. It's like when you're having sex and you try to think > about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming. It makes it hard > for you to think about football or baseball or whatever else. Your brain > wanders into corn dog topics like: "Gee, I wonder if I took a bite of your > finger, if you would taste just like a corn dog?"; or "Is this a real person > or is it a giant corn dog trying to make me think it is a real person?" or > "What did that giant corn dog just say?" or "Excuse me, Mister, why is it > that you smell just exactly like corn dogs smell?" or, of course, after a > silencer: "Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?" > > Heck, after what I've heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better not to > smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are nice. Sure. Smell > the nice ones. That's okay. > > You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them. They > are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But don't be > obvious about it. Somehow they know you're trying not to breathe in the corn > dog smell. And that offends them. They'll likely punch you for that if they > catch on to what you're doing. > > If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it'll permeate your whole body, > and then you'll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But don't say, > "Dang, now I smell like a corn dog." They take offense to that. And they will > throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff. Stuff that leaves bruises and > makes you bleed. Then you may have to get stitches or something. Just don't > say it. If you do start smelling like a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay? > > I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your kids on > how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around town, do not > let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and sniff the air. No. > Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in their expression - indicating > they smell corn dogs - might get a wrench or pipe or some other object tossed > at your windshield. So, that's > dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as you > drive - on some other weekend > > I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog stuff. > What puzzles me most is that I've never actually seen any of these LSU fans > with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe there's no mystery there - maybe > they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows? > > Maybe there's a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there. > Maybe, there's a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume. Maybe > their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply - kind of like > fluoride. The politics there are probably weird. The big political issue > during the city election is whether they should add more ketchup or more > mustard to the water. Don't comment on it though. It's not politically > correct over there. It's like a malnutrition issue or something. It's like > the corn dogs are probably added to the water to prevent starvation or > something. > > I know when you go to Baton Rouge, you're thinking: "Ahhhh. Here I am in > Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I'll bet the people here smell just like boiled > crawfish or shrimp etoufee' or some fancy Cajun food." But just stop thinking > that. That's just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs. > > In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn dog > odor. And don't try masking the odor with something stronger. They'll curse > at you. They'll say something like: "WTF, how dare you smoke a cigar in my > home," or "WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of corn dogs?" and they'll > cuss out your kids too: "WTF!!! Little Mister fancy pants over here acts like > he doesn't want to smell like corn dogs." > > Cajuns are not like us. Don't you see that, yet? They are really sensitive > about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know they smell like > corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all. I know, I know. We > sniff the bammers and the UGA dawgs and the Ole messes, and we keep a > straight face with each of them, but don't press your luck with the Cajun > tiger fans. Don't refer to Death Valley as corn dog valley either. I mean > that's just wrong. Even if you've been drinking, they'll beat you up and > curse out your kids. > > Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction - even > if you're laughing about something else. Like baseball or football, or sex or > whatever. If you can't control yourself and you must laugh though, do not > snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their corn dog body odor > from a distance or that you're choking on it or something. They'll likely > burn your van for that. We lost a campus building over just one snort. > > So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each other. You > can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams. You can enjoy the > thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed my words. Please just > move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this Saturday. Okay? Get your corn > dog jollies at home. > > Enough with this corn dog talk. Let's play ball... > > -- > GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! > 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions > 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions > 2008 National Football Champions | > Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), > Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us -- GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions 2008 National Football Champions | Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us
