[GELORA45] Humor: “Communism would be easy to implement” says student who has only ever lived in capitalist society

[jonathango...@yahoo.com [GELORA45]]

 

 Humor: “Communism would be easy to implement” says student who has only ever 
lived in capitalist society 
https://theaggie.org/2018/11/27/humor-communism-would-be-easy-to-implement-says-student-who-has-only-ever-lived-in-capitalist-society/
 
  CONNER SHAW — cjs...@ucdavis.edu https://theaggie.org/author/theaggie/
 15 HOURS AGO

 

 CAITLYN SAMPLEY / AGGIE Student writes this and other radical statements in 
personal manifesto-turned-livestream
 This week, an anonymous manifesto was released and distributed across the UC 
Davis campus in support of “the complete and unabashed removal of capitalism” 
and “the total implementation of communism” in American society. Just this 
morning, the anonymous writer has revealed herself as first-year Diana Leninsky 
in a Facebook livestream.
 At around 8 a.m., Leninsky began the livestream, but instead of starting 
immediately, she stared blankly at the screen for around four hours until 
exactly 1917 people were viewing. She then put down her fourth Leninade, the 
only food or drink she consumed during the livestream, and proceeded with a 
monologue.
 “My fellow Davis students,” she lamented, “I wanted to wait until the number 
of viewers matched the original year of the Bolshevik’s triumphant and peaceful 
uprising against the Russian government. Capitalism is a plague on our society 
and we need to remove it immediately. I know that sounds difficult, but trust 
me, the process will be super simple.”
 Leninsky continued the livestream for another four hours, only pausing her 
speech to grab another Leninade from the large fridge in her room. The speech 
included several references to the “capitalist-gentrified” city Davis is 
becoming. Jump Bikes were called a “means of enslaving the poor through 
transportation” and Leninsky called for their “immediate burning regardless of 
the environmental impact.”
 She also focused on housing in Davis, calling for a restructuring of the 
housing system that would be fair to everyone. This made nearly perfect sense 
until she stated her full plan, which involved forcing students, faculty and 
administrators to all live in cooperative living situations with shared farming 
as the only food source and no personal computers, vehicles or shampoo.
 “If we put these cooperative situations in place, eventually everyone will 
need to comply and readily accept that this is better for them,” Leninsky 
stated. “Everyone will be happier knowing they’re no longer supporting 
capitalist institutions by buying into massive food corporations or oppressive 
industries. Why buy chicken instantly from the store when you can wait several 
months to raise one? Why should everyone have an iPhone when we can get by with 
one for every ten people? It’s just that simple.”
 At hour nine into the livestream, Leninsky left to restock her fridge with 
warm Leninades. Her room revealed a swath of expensive material possessions, 
such as a 55-inch 4K television, a closet full of designer clothes, a handbag 
collection and a kombucha vending machine. Leninsky returned guzzling another 
Leninade.
 “So yeah, communism would be really easy. I know we’re all used to capitalism, 
but people will part with a lot if we just nudge them in the right direction. 
And it’s a learning process. Like, I just learned about communism myself in my 
global humanities class this quarter.”
  
 Written by: Conner Shaw — cjs...@ucdavis.edu
 
 (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The 
story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)